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Friday, November 26, 2010

Sad, Disappoined, Pissed... All of it!

tears

Dear Reader,

I wish I had something to update to you on a daily basis but I am not that busy. Actually, without sounding too negative, I wish I had something to update to you on a monthly basis, but I am not that busy. I was planning on waiting until I have something good to report, but I think the year is going to close without good news. Yes, I sound a little defeated but this is a temporary state of being. When I wake up, I would have put this whole thing behind me and working on the future.

Okay, now you must be wondering what is going on because I have set it up quite well. It is painful for me to admit this. It really is. So, for the last few weeks I have merely been in denial about the reality of the situation, hoping that some miracle may appear to just fix everything, but I can’t dwell on something for that long, especially if it is denial of the truth.

I won’t be naming names to avoid defamation or libel, but I will just speak the truth. The manager that I was raving about a few weeks ago, the great old friend that had believed in me and my music, and the person who was going to work with me at going a step further, well… he has left me on the lurch and just disappeared. Actually, this sounds like a joke, and I am laughing as I write this because I am starting to realize what real bullshit this situation is. Yeah, he has gone AWOL and has vanished without a trace.

Anyway, I don’t know if he is dead or alive. His phone rings which suggests the latter, but he doesn’t pick up. (LOL) And all the while I have been sitting here, half afraid and half depressed waiting for him to call and tell me what’s next because HE IS MY MANAGER. I think I have waited long enough. I have been stood up and it is about damn time that I come to terms with it and move to the next person. I am at a loss for words actually. I am at a total loss. It’s the reason why I have not tweeted much or written a blog because I am speechless.

So, once again, I need a manager. I thought the search was over. I feel so betrayed. I feel like I have lost a lover or something. I mean, I have probably lost a friend, right? What really makes me angry is that THIS IS MY LIFE!!! This is not a game! This is my life and for someone to take something I take so seriously and treat it so carelessly… it fuckin’ messes with me. So much time was wasted. So many good opportunities wasted because I thought someone had my back. Well, lesson learned. No one has my back. Now I know this. It is me, myself and I. I mean, life keeps telling me this but I refuse to listen. I always trust, accept, have faith in people and what do they do? They screw me over.

So… I’m just so disappointed, but as you know, I can only write about something when I am ready to let go of it. So, it means that, I am letting go of this today. That’s good. I guess. I’m actually tearing up writing this. There is so much frustration inside of me caused by this situation. This means that my plans have moved back yet again. By how many months, I don’t know. Maybe they have been moved back indefinitely, but I can’t afford to be negative. I can’t. I haven’t even played the guitar in 3 weeks, that’s how out of sorts I am. I’m ready to pick up my guitar again. I am ready to be me again because while waiting for him to show up, I have been a shadow of myself.

I don’t know if any of this is even written well. I don’t know if there are any typos because I am not going to edit this. I am moving forward and I am getting back on the proverbial horse. I am so sick and tired though of feeling this feeling, but I guess, I keep on experiencing these scenarios to learn some lesson that I fail to see. I don’t even want to contemplate the possibility that The Universe is telling me to give up music. It can’t be telling me that. I refuse. So, I am going to stop typing now, maybe have a little cry (LOL) and then think about where to go next. As of now, I have no idea what the future holds. All I know is that I am a strong woman with a clear vision and dream – and that I am not giving up for anyone or anything. I will make my dreams come true or die trying. And even if people take me a few steps back, I will NOT give up. Everything happens for a reason and this too shall pass.

Anyway, I have said what I have to say. I am going to sleep now and wait for the new day. Besides, I am going to watch Harry Potter tomorrow, and that should cheer me right up.

Thank you for reading and thank you for walking along with me along this tumultuous journey of mine. Today when I say that I love you to you who has read this blog, I mean it more than ever because if it wasn’t for this blog (and my mother), I would feel totally alone and shattered. Instead I feel that I have no time to be moping because I have music for you guys to listen to.

Have a lovely Weekend

Veronnica Wolpendz LOVES you!!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

V Magazine

cocococ

Get it?
V Magazine. Picture of myself on my "publication" like O Magazine?


Moving on... 

Dear Reader,

I have been a little busy these last couple of days, but I’m not complaining. As a matter of fact, I have been very grateful to be working. There have been many times in the past where I have waited for something to happen, and here it is. Even with a little sleep deprivation on some days, I have been incredibly grateful to actually see that the universe has been conspiring to make things work out for me.

It all started with meeting Idan Raichel and his gang called the Idan Raichel Project. I must admit, I didn’t know who he was but after meeting him, I had to wonder why I didn’t know him because he is such a prolific and influential musician. It doesn’t help that as celebrated as he was, he behaved in the most humble of ways, so it was after googling him that I realized that I was in the presence of history in the making. It made me reflect upon how people who aren’t as celebrated as he always act in an arrogant, pompous and rude manner, while the people who have earned the “right” to act that way, like Idan Raichel, are so down-to-earth and gracious. Yes, the rude and arrogant ones are usually insecure but the humble and contained ones are usually secured in who they are. Meeting Idan Raichel proved this to me. The same thing happened when I worked with Snoop Dogg years back. So, it is a trend.

Thereafter, I re-recorded "Commentary" as it shall be the 1st single to represent me on radio and/or television. I shall write a blog separately for that experience at a later stage when the process is complete, but I can definitely say that my experience at the studio proved that I have grown not only vocally but also in confidence.

Next on the update is a new artist that is about to hit the WORLD by hurricane. His name is Jean Claude.
Take a moment and let his name sink into your consciousness.

This guy is not only a wonderful person, but he is also talented. He is pleasant, charismatic, easy on the eyes and so funny. More than that though, like the people mentioned above, he is talented, yet humble and a pleasure to be around. Just like me, he raps, sings and plays an instrument (piano), but unlike me, he dances too.


*Pssst... Yesterday while he and one of his dancers were rehearsing next door to where I was recording, they took their shirts off and I asked for a break from my producers; a break to go to the "bathroom" when in actual fact, I was off to marvel on his beautifully sculptured physique. *

Ahem… I digress… Where was I?  Oh, yes... Here he is his first single: Number 1 Girl.




So, Why am I speaking about Jean Claude, you may wonder?

Well, it is because I am excited. He and I will be writing a song together, and I can’t wait to see the creative process at work between the two of us. Firstly, I don’t work with people when it comes to writing because I am so particular about what I want, so I usually write my own melodies and that’s that! Yes, you guys know how I am. I would rather sing on a song written by someone else, as was the case with Idan Raichel, where I was directed, and do in a way that the writer wants for “their” song. But, in a song with my name as the composer, I need full control because I want things MY WAY. I do have control-freak tendencies, but only in music.

With Jean Claude though, I am willing to collaborate because he has unbelievable vocal melodies. His voice just does whatever is needed to be done and there is nothing greater than working with someone with that skill. I feel that we complement each other so perfectly as our strengths are different yet very harmonious.

So, watch this space! I thought I was going to be the biggest thing to hit the World in the near future (the lies I tell myself before I sleep) but my little fantasy was knocked out of my head, when I met Jean Claude and I realized that there is actually more of us.

It’s going to be fun!

I can’t wait!

Have a Lovely Thursday, my darlings!
As always, Veronnica Wolpendz Loves You!!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Say What?


Dear Reader,

For a while now I have been unable to come up with a worthy subject matter for these blogs. Usually I would leave it until I know what I want to discuss, but not this time. For some reason, I need to write. I don’t need to sing, to speak, to run nor to think, but to write. This usually happens when I am tense, just by the way. So, I put on this song called “Silent Spring by Massive Attack” and listened to it to see what emotions it evoked in me.

I don’t know what she (Elizabeth Fraser) is saying in the song and I am making it a point to only look at the meaning of her words once I have explored my emotions. I am curious to see whether I will get her meaning even if I don’t understand the language. I am curious to see the transcendental power of music through this song. (Side note: French Hip-Hop is better than American Hip-Hop. Yeah, I said IT!)

When I listen to this song I feel a deep sense of longing. I am longing for something that I once knew; something that I have long searched for but failed to find. I feel the part of my heart that is usually masked by cynicism and sarcasm melt away leaving me a bit naked and saddened. I also feel as if the denial of my pains is silenced and I am forced to see the truth of what is inside me. This song sounds like a lullaby, as if I had been crying from feeling alone and lost then having someone come to me to tell me that they understand and that everything is going to be alright because “this too shall pass”.

This song is comforting yet heartbreaking. It is a great paradox and thus it is a reflection of life itself – the representation of Yin and Yang through sound. It is crying tears, but not of pain, or joy – but of surrender. It feels as though one is surrendering to the truth of a bleak yet mundane truth. That bleak and mundane truth being that no one can save us but ourselves; no one can fill that longing because that longing is us craving to be connected with our godselves, our higher selves, our inner God.

Now, let me see what the lyrics say:

Boy brought power
To b-obey
Hear me call
To b-obey
To b-obey
I seek him clothe
Come shush-hush
A shrewd bow to b-obey (we are but bound to b-obey)
I seek him clothe (we are but bound to b-obey)
Come shush-hush (we are but bound to b-obey)
A shrewd bow to b-obey (we are but bound to b-obey)
I seek him clothe (we are but bound to b-obey)
*frowns and looks around*


Say what?

Well! I was way off it seems. Firstly, I didn’t think the song was even in English! Ha! Honestly, the first thought that came to mind when I read the lyrics was, “What the fuck?” I think they are speaking gibberish. “to b-obey”? Huh? To what?
I am laughing so hard right now.

Anyway, that was fun. I totally read too much into this song, but maybe, knowing Massive Attack, they did it on purpose so that we find our own meaning to the song and maybe they asked Liz Fraser to just utter noises that sounded like words? I swear to god, I thought it was French!

Ha! This song is officially a mind-fuck. (excuse the language but my mind is boggled).

Well, that’s all I have for this week. *shakes head*

Have a Good One,
Veronnica Wolpendz loves you!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Have Arrived!

On Air

Greetings Guys,
This will be a music update blog, not one of my rants about the degradation of humanity, as I usually rant. Most of you must be relieved because it has been years of listening to me go on and on… but, not this week. This week I am excited and relieved. This week I am happier and more relaxed, but it isn’t because I am high on some Mary J or something;  it is because I am on a natural high derived from sheer joy and gratitude.
I don’t mean to rub it in anyone’s face, but life has done a total 180 and I find myself in a good space when it comes to my career. For starters, I have found a savior in my manager. He is not only focused, but he is also brilliant and an old friend to boot. He has totally transformed my music career because he is incredibly goal orientated and passionate about the product he is pushing (the product is my music, in case you thought he is pushing drugs I cooked up).
I am going to be finally releasing my first single for the country of South Africa to hear on their radio stations. I have not had radio play here in South Africa before and I can’t wait to hear my song being pumped on the airwaves. It is going to be such a nice trip to know that my song is being listened to by thousands of people. Secondly, I am shooting a music video in a few weeks, which is going to be a novel experience for me as it will be my debut music video. Naturally, I am on diet but the diet went down the drain on my birthday, but I am currently trying to get back on the wagon, just as soon as I have the last slice of chocolate fudge birthday cake. So, I start with the diet tomorrow again. Of course, this means that I will be doing a new photo shoot, and when my video and my photos are done, I will claim that they weren’t retouched, even if they were. So, please don’t ask me because I will lie to you, unless the pictures and video manages to look good.
What else?
Oh yes, I am going back to the recording studio to lay down the rest of the album. Again, I will say, that I am so grateful for quitting the cancer sticks because my voice is so much stronger. I can confidently record a song knowing that I am sounding good. This means that I can concentrate on singing and playing, instead of concentrating on what people will hear when they hear my weak, shaky voice.
I also have a band now. I plan to be gigging with them for the general public from mid-October onwards.  Nothing excites me more than this. To play with a band is so much more dynamic and the vibe of having that connection with the listener is a total turn on for me, therefore I can’t wait for everyone to hear how I sound with my band. It is going to be off the chains!
Last but not least, I will not have a launch party as people usually do. I will instead have a listening session, which is more intimate and personal, more my style. This would be an evening where I come out to the press and whoever is invited, and serenade them all night (an hour or 15 minutes more), and give away my CD and press pack. That evening will be me saying, “Here I am and I have arrived”, hoping that the invited guests take me as I am.
So, yeah… good times are ahead. I am cranking this thing up a notch now. I can’t wait! Are you excited because I am?
Have a wonderful weekend,
I hope you are celebrating with me.
Veronnica Wolpendz loves you!

Monday, September 13, 2010

It's My Birthday Today

Deux

It's the 13th of September, and it is my birthday. I honestly don't know how to feel about birthdays. They never excite me nor do they depress me. They are just like other days, apart from the wonderful fact that I receive text messages and phone calls from my loved ones wishing me a good day and telling me how much they love me. I appreciate this day only because it connects me further to those I love, but other than that...

As for what activities I should partake in on my birthday, I am unsure. I think I have taken the special out of birthdays because there is nothing I can only do on my birthday that I haven't done on any other day. I can buy a cake, and have bought a cake and put candles on it just for the heck of it. I do spoil myself regularly. I usually do all the things I like to do, like connecting with friends on a regular basis... So... I don't get birthdays.

These days are one of those things about being human in this day and age that I do not understand. Maybe someone can enlighten me on what I am supposed to do differently to make my birthday, "special" because (not to sound smart-ass or anything but...) everyday is special to me.

I can say this for sure though, is that on my birthday, I am always filled with guilt that I am not making the day more special and somehow I always feel relieved when the birthday is over. The day has too much pressure. I am also usually disappointed (in an "I told you so way") that the day turned out just ordinary in its uniqueness. So... on the note of birthdays being mediocre... I am off to wash the dishes.

Have a wonderful day. I plan to have one too, but not because it is my birthday, but because I always try to have a good day, and most days, I usually achieve it!



Thursday, September 9, 2010

I Came Here not to be Understood, but to Understand.



Above is the song I was listening to as I typed this blog. Crank it up while you read. It might be fun. :)

Dear Reader,

It is not disrespect when I am being real. It is my faith in you that you can handle the truth. This is done with love and peace from the Creator, Umdali, as we say in my native language.

I often wonder why I am so transparent in these blogs. There is a world full of people who would die first before they put themselves on the line by showing who they really are, so why do I find this so easy to do? There is a world of people living double lives, and I have chosen to live one life. Why? Where is my discretion? Where is my desire for privacy? Where is my “pride”? Well, the answer to that question is that (although it is an art which I have chosen to perfect) being transparent doesn’t mean that one can not be discreet, private or “proud”. As a matter of fact, I am so discreet and private that it borders on scary because I can honestly say that no-one knows me well unless they know me personally by living with me (or in my head) in conjunction to reading my blogs, listening to my music and looking at me in the eyes. If you only know one or more and not all of these things, you can not and will not know me at all.

I am complex and I am simple at the same time. I am complex because I am multi-faceted and I am simple because I am constant within my many selves. This means that whether I am being a bitch, whether I am being sweet, whether I am being controversial or whether I am being passive, I am honest, sincere and true in all that I do. Instead of pretending to have a smile on my face, I will rather be excused for a few minutes and change my mood to a happy one. If I am in a good mood and I am required to be assertive, instead of faking that emotion, I will give myself time to get myself into an assertive mood. I decided long time ago to choose to be what I am, whatever that may be. I don’t pretend to laugh, to cry, to be anything. I become whatever I choose to be, and it is real and true, no matter how fucked up it might be.

This choosing to be what I am has caused me many problems because I have found myself in circumstances where I was “meant” to fear someone, where I was meant to cower in reverence of someone, but I ended up unable to because I couldn’t conjure up the fear within me at the time. The reason is this: I am capable of experiencing crippling fear when it does descend upon me, but it doesn’t happen often. So, I often can’t pretend to be in awe and fear and this world views being fearless as disrespectful (what with God fearing individuals all over the world who think fear and respect are synonymous) and it is not the same thing. My lack of fear is a reflection of ME; it is not a reflection of what I think of YOU. Therefore, if I am not treating you with the “high” regard you expect, it is not that you are not worthy of being regarded highly, it is because I do not regard myself as below anyone. On the other hand, I am very quiet spirited so I sometimes come off as pretending to be humble. I can’t win, I tell you – so I gave up trying to please people.

Honestly, I don’t care who you are, where you have been, or what you have done. The bottom line is that you are a soul in a body, just like everybody else. If your mind and ego has convinced you that you are better than everyone else, that is not my problem, honestly. My mind and ego is not as powerful as yours to dictate my actions anymore. C’mon, you don’t honestly think that your feelings of superiority and megalomania are a result of your soul, do you? Don’t be fooled. There are two parts within you working against each other. It is the ego against the soul. The soul is your Divine self, the self that is filled with love and peace and total fearlessness to be who you are. The ego is that thing in you that requires validation, compliments, praise, being feared and that bit of you that is so insecure, it is saddening.

I am mistaken. My actions are often dictated by my ego, but my only solace is that at least I can identify it now and catch it before it goes any further. There were times when I thought I wanted to win an argument; times when I thought I wanted to be respected and adored. There were times when I got myself in dramatic situations of fights, arguments and power-struggles; turmoil of foolishness – and at these times, I really thought I was defending myself, but the truth is that I was defending my ego, my pain-body, my lesser self and not defending the REAL ME, my True Self, my Higher Self. When I was arguing, looking for attention and all that mess (drinking 3 times a week and chain-smoking, acting aloof and emo, and flitting around all over the place trying to “appease the demon within”) I was feeding this unhealthy part of me under the guise of having a good time. (I speak for myself, so when you do these things, you might be really having a good time. I wasn’t.) It’s no longer this way now. Now, when I find myself in a drama (firstly, I can now smell it a mile away before it occurs), I see it and I stop it from going any further. Now, I can be at peace with people thinking whatever the fuck they want about me, because finally I know who I really am, and I am living who I am – and I understand that this is all that matters to me right now.

I am slowly learning who my Higher Self is. I know that she (although my Higher Self is neither male nor female, but that’s another blog) is not prideful but she is self-assured. She says what she thinks without fear of being pelted with the proverbial rock because all she wants is to grow with you, not take you back into the darkness. I know that when she speaks to you, she has faith that you will take her words for what they are and not defensively. I know that this higher self is helpful and reaches out to her fellow human beings without fear of rejection or fear of being offended. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get rejected, or that she is not viewed as an arrogant, condescending bastard. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get persecuted or mocked for being open and honest fearlessly. She is fine with whatever result her words and actions incur because she has total faith in the workings of the Universe and she doesn’t mind the backlash of being herself because the only reason she even bothers being herself is because she actually knows your Higher Self, and your Higher Self is very welcoming of her. By knowing who you REALLY ARE she allows her real visage to shine to you.

It is not disrespect when I am being real. It is my faith in you that you can handle the truth of who you REALLY ARE. This is done with love and peace from the Creator, Umdali, as we say in my native language.

Peace!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Long Time No Write

Before after


Greetings Everyone,
Wow! It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog. I have missed the ritualistic and therapeutic side of writing, and so, here I am again, ready to share what’s on my mind. I hope that I have something positive to share, but I am in a snarky mood, so don’t hold your breath awaiting positivity to come from me today.
Firstly, let’s begin with what I have been doing all this time. Well, I have been taking a friggin holiday, is what. I left the city of Johannesburg for months and went to the South Coast (a range of small holiday towns where I grew up). I spent more time with my family, which is something which I hadn’t done much of since I left home after high school. Of course, I did visit during my time in Johannesburg, but it was never quality time visits. Instead it was one of those rushed visits because I wanted and had to go back to the city, or I was there because I was recovering from something (I experienced a bit of health problems in the last two years which are now completely gone). Anyway, my point is that I was never back home for the right reasons, that being, to connect with my loved ones and to relax and have a good time.
Therefore, for the last few months, that’s exactly what I have been doing, having a good time, taking walks, spending time with my mother and having laughs with my sister. My favorite memory from my time at the South Coast was a day when my mother and I took some mats and cushions and sat outside, looking up at the clouds and making the other guess what the clouds looked like. Yes, I am 27 (turning 28 in a few days actually) and I was able to be a kid again these last few months, the best of which was just reconnecting with my mom.  I am the quintessential mommy’s girl. My mother and I are very close, and it has never treated me well that I had neglected our relationship while I was chasing after my destiny.
I also spent more time at the beach. For those who grew up by the beach, you will know that we beach residents take the beach for granted. Well, not this time. I went to the beach more often than I would normally and I didn’t go there for a swim (black people and swimming… smh) but I went there to just sit and listen to the surf and absorb its powerful energy.
All the while, I was gaining more strength that I never knew I had. I also discovered that a person can pray more, meditate more, walk more, sleep more, cook more often and basically do more things that are beneficial to the self. I was, in other words, indulging in life, and it was time well spent.
During this time, I had to be selfish because people will demand your energy and time. But, I protested against such and concentrated on myself and my loved ones. Throughout this, I realized just how much I love life and just how much I can love. My heart opened up more than I ever thought possible and I have never felt such gratitude to have the honor of feeling such deep-seeded love.
But, that’s all over now. I am back in the city of Johannesburg and the energy of the place is starting to seep into my aura. Prosperous cities are very fear based. People are afraid to fail, people are afraid to lose, and some of those feelings have also slowly returned to me. Although I am better knowledgeable at how to protect myself from such feelings, it just takes a lot of energy and time to do so. I am literally dedicating most of my time into cleansing and energizing myself now, which I didn’t have to do much of when I was at the coast because there was no need to. Here, it is different. Almost everyone I meet here is afraid to be left behind, afraid to be a loser of sorts, and afraid to be a social outcast. Almost everyone I meet here is trying to be rich and famous, is trying to please their clients and their bosses, and a lot of that drive is based on fear of failure. So, you can imagine that I am coming in contact with people who over-compensate for these fears by being arrogant, cocky and just obnoxious and I feel outnumbered here, really. Of course, I have my moments of cockiness and arrogance due to fear but I wish everyone could just relax, but this city is not a place of relaxation, is it? If I want to relax, I must go back to the coast. So, unfortunately, I have also started to feel an irrational urgency about things, an urgency that is not too true to myself. In other words, I have started to be afraid again, a little, and it is sad.
With that said, do any of you know me as someone to shrink away just because I am feeling a little teensy weensy bit of fear? I don’t think so. So, I have a challenge now. My challenge is to strive to remain balanced, loving and powerfully true to my real self in this mad city of Johannesburg. That is my mission, indeed, because although the place’s energy is different from mine, I quite like Johannesburg. I love its freedom, its insanity and its hilarity. Honestly, although I am a reserved person who loves to be alone, I like Johannesburg because one can be in a crowd but they would still be alone. I know this doesn’t sound positive, but I like that level of detachment in things.
Well, that’s all I had to say, really. I have had a good time. The good times are slowly receding into the horizon and now I am in “hustle mode” again and I have work, career and the will to succeed in mind. Although I have this in mind, I want it to be balanced with tranquility, soulfulness and God. I don’t know if I will be able to find this balance, but I am looking forward in finding out.
I apologize if this blog isn’t up to scratch. I am still rusty. I thought I was in a snarky mood and would be sarcastic on this one, but I ended up being honest and being my boring self. Ha. Sorry for the false sale.
Well, that is all for now.
Have a Wonderful Weekend,
Veronnica Wolpendz loves you

Friday, May 7, 2010

Dear Me

letter

I usually write a blog when I have some error in thought to correct (except for when I am reporting things that are music related). The things I write are my way of resolving something that has been swimming and whizzing in my mind for a while, something which I have been unable to compartmentalize properly in my mind.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Take Whatever You Want From This, If Anything.

W

Forgiveness is an important act because it promotes acceptance of what is, which in turn promotes personal freedom. Although forgiveness seems to be something that one does for another, the truth is that to forgive another is to lighten one’s own burden. Forgiveness is a double edged sword, so sharp that it cuts not only through the shackles of guilt belonging to the one needing forgiveness, but it also breaks the shackles of pain around the “victim’s” heart. When one person sincerely asks another for forgiveness, we see clearly that hurting another is hurting the self – otherwise, there would be no need to ask for forgiveness for one’s trespasses if the trespasses, or consequences of, were pleasing to the perpetrator.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Ranting Again and Again and getting the same results! PART II

Insanity Certificate

I am aware that my emotional state is directly connected to the emotional state of the world, that what I feel right now is not just my burden that I am bearing, but that I carry the burdens of my organism also, the burdens of humanity. I am aware that while there are people in turmoil and in pain on earth, while there are people who hunger and thirst, while there are people who are diseased and ailed, not even the richest, healthiest and most abundant person could ever find lasting peace on Earth. I am you and you are me. I can not be at peace while my other self is haunted by demons.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Ranting Again and Again and getting the same results!

Insanity

One day I woke up understanding that most things, if not all, are not mutually exclusive, that they are what I now term as a Divine Dichotomy, a term I learned from Neale Donald Walsch, the author of the series of books called ‘Conversations with God’. I might not see eye to eye on all that these books discuss, but the books really aided me during a time when I was tongue-tied, and it loosened my tongue, allowing me to express what was inside of me. I kept on seeing paradoxes working harmoniously and simultaneously, and I couldn’t define this phenomenon until I read his books.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Love

Maiden

I am always getting ready to die, doing what pleases me and not the world, living a life without regrets and just consciously choosing to live a life that I am accountable for. I am always getting ready to die because I imagine that when death comes, it is when we have no unfinished business in this realm, no nagging feelings of “could haves”, “should haves” and “would haves”. So, when one day I realized that I was not ready to die, after many years of thinking that I was, I got a little worried (not seriously worried) because time is on my side, yes it is!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Gratitude!

*I wrote this about 40 days and 40 nights ago. I wasn't going to post it, but since I am not inspired to write anything these days, and since I can pretty much do whatever I want... Here goes. Enjoy!*

I'll edit tomorrow. I promise. :)
I haven't slept and I am out of it right now... (excuses, excuses)

Gratitude

My mind is like helium, and although that makes sense to me, I wonder if it makes sense to you. I mean that it is moving like its particles… Wait! Let me google that and double check if Helium particles do in fact move fast… Yes they do…
Moving on...
I can’t make and finish a sentence right now.  I am feeling like I am touching something magnificent and energizing, rejuvenating and sublime. Last night I had the most awesome sleep ever. I slept at my normal hours, in the early mornings, but I didn’t take my calming herbs to relax me before I slept. Instead I just closed my eyes, and slept. I am not even certain whether I was thinking of something in those minutes or hours before I slept but I didn’t pass out like I was drugged either. The sleep came to me in peace, and I wasn’t pleading for its company but merely expecting it, welcoming it, and embracing it. It was all so effortless and peaceful, gentle and unassuming. I merely knew that I was going to sleep perfectly merely because I knew so. 



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Strive for the Best!

Medal

I’m uncertain whether you guys have noticed that I have been making fewer errors and committing a decreased amount of typos than usual. It is not that I have found myself a ghost-writer, although you can never know, can you? The reason behind this sudden change is due to a better understanding of a few principles of life; the first of which being that, to produce something without care, and to present something that is below par, is intrinsically a disservice to the world. Dramatic? Maybe. Valid? Oh, yes! Not only does producing mediocre products not add value to people’s lives, but it also suggests a certain amount of disrespect (and an undermining) for the reader or the beholder. And we can’t have that, can we? Once I realized this, I immediately stopped being careless because I am many things, including being slightly full of shite, but I am not disrespectful.