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Friday, May 7, 2010

Dear Me

letter

I usually write a blog when I have some error in thought to correct (except for when I am reporting things that are music related). The things I write are my way of resolving something that has been swimming and whizzing in my mind for a while, something which I have been unable to compartmentalize properly in my mind.


It would seem, from my observation, as if writing about thoughts that have gone wild seems to tame them in my case. Maybe it is the sound of pounding on my keyboard that gets me in a meditative state to calm myself, or maybe it is the slower thinking caused by writing that helps. I don’t know why. All I know is that writing about it makes it better.

I usually write about challenges that I have overcome, as if the blog is the final thought that I shall have on the subject matter, because thereafter, I really seldom think about what I have written. It merely goes away, as if writing about something is the final step of reaching a resolution and finding closure.

When I write, I am writing to myself, to make sense of things that are going on in my life, to give myself a pep-talk or to give myself advice and insight on certain matters. This writing business is a very self involved process, an intimate one as well, but I share it publicly because (a) I would like to be known for who I am and what better way to know me but by knowing how I think, and (b) I believe that the issues that plague me are not unique to me, and by sharing it I hope that it might be useful to someone else as well.

I feel that I need to mention this because I do sound very preachy at times, but I am preaching to myself, really because when I write, it is usually during times when I need a preacher, a confidant, a counselor or a therapist to tell me how one overcomes certain things. Mainly though, it is usually when I need faith, comfort and when I need to know that everything will be alright, that I begin to write. Unfortunately, I do not have a preacher, I don’t want to burden my confidants, I don’t have a counselor or a therapist to get some “How To” ideas, therefore all I am usually left with is that voice of reason which resides inside of me, which is always there even at my most unreasonable of times. This inner voice of reason has the ability to put things in perspective, has the ability to give solid and reliable problem solving methods. It is a never ending resource which I can get in touch with through my writing. And that is why I write. Not so much that I enjoy writing, but much because I need to write or else my own mind would drive me insane.

With that said, I have had many things that have been plaguing my mind. I have been unable to write about them, mainly due to lack of inspiration. But now I feel inspired to say a few things to myself.

So here goes:

Dear Veronnica,

(I pause as I dread what I am about to say to myself because it is not what I want to hear)

Be gentle with yourself, dear girl. You work diligently to make yourself stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. You work tirelessly, every night and day to not end up as those before you, but to make their efforts and their toils worth the trouble by being better off mentally, physically and spiritually. Be gentle with yourself, dear girl for you have done all that is in your power. Now it is time to stop working yourself sick and tired, because this is your 7th year of rest.

You are in control of your destiny. That is true. But, you are a co-creator in this realm, not the One Infinte Creator, so let others do their bit now. Rest now, lest you find yourself downtrodden and beaten. You need to recharge your batteries and learn to store energy instead of what you have been doing, and letting your energy be taken by those who do not care whether they leave you dry and near death. You need to take care of yourself NOW, and stop trying to make things happen for a short while. You need to give the Universe time to make things happen for you, and this can not happen if you don’t let go of the things you desire the most.

Yes, dear girl, you need not think of the very things you desire the most for them to manifest because you have done the planting already by applying all your energy and might on your desires. Now it is time to let the Universe work for you. Now it is time for you to forget that you ever desired the things you desired. That is why it is necessary now for you to be blank, or to concentrate on something else for a short while, and let the Creator co-create with you because you can not do it alone.

So, I beg of you, dear girl. Let go. Live in the now and let go of everything you have ever desired. Your work is done. Live for the present and enjoy your days as they come. Meditate, pray, eat and sleep because you haven’t been doing much of that lately. Treat yourself to luxurious baths and beautiful meals. Take walks and be merry. Be with your friends and laugh all day. Concentrate on having fun and rest. Forget about your biggest and highest desires for now because your constant thoughts on them is keeping them hostage and preventing them from manifesting.

So, be silly, be free, be uncharacteristically relaxed and not so hard working. Take a break and let someone take care of you, if it you won’t let it be yourself. You deserve it, dear girl. You deserve to rest now. All your years have been a constant fight to better, to improve and evolve yourself. It has been a grueling exercise, and I congratulate you on work well done. If it wasn’t for your efforts, you would be dead so you have done well. But now, you need to rest in order to keep yourself alive. Be gentle on yourself, dear girl. You deserve nothing but the best, and this year was supposed to be your year of rest. Leave things in other people’s hands for now. Don’t leave things to fall in ruins, but let go and have faith that all is as it should be.

I love you, dear girl.

Yours Always,

Veronnica’s Inner voice.


That's how I would write my blogs, if I wanted it explicit that I was talking to myself, but I chose not to.

Thanks for reading,

A Happy Thursday to all of you.

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