Pages

Saturday, January 29, 2011

By Jupiter!! A Hermit is Home On A Saturday Night?

Photobucket

Dear Reader,

I’m sitting at home on a Saturday night -and as Joan Rivers is bashing people’s outfits on Fashion Police in the background- I am wondering what an attractive, young thing like me is doing indoors when I should be painting the town red somewhere and kissing unsuspecting young men because these youngens seem to think I’m their age. Score! Anyway, I should be out somewhere looking at a tall, dark and handsome stranger across the room, who I engage with only to forget about him the next day. DO you get my drift?

Actually, I know when this whole Hermit thing of mine started because I wasn’t always like this, believe it or not. As a matter of fact, I was so wild and out of control that my mother literally prayed daily for me to repent, bless her heart. During those days, my idea of fun was meeting new people, getting tipsy and being outrageous. I started becoming a Hermit when I started my music career, 4 years and 9 months ago in 2006 when I quit my job and realized that partying had to take a backseat, and serious industriousness had to be adopted. I stopped being social and carefree when I started my “own business” and I haven’t been frivolous ever since. Sad, but true.

I remember one day thinking and deciding that I am not allowed to reward myself with trips, partying, fun and even laughter if I have not achieved my objectives. Little did I know that my goals would take this many years to reach. I became darker and more somber as I racked my brain as to how I was going to be successful in this new venture that I had embarked upon; more introspective and self-involved and thus more of a loner than I have ever been in my entire life.

The thing is, I am very single-minded in my focus when I set out to do something. I get obsessed with it, whatever the object of my desires is, and I learned to never take my eye off something until I achieve it, and it has been this way since 2007. Every day of my life, I think over and over on how I can create more opportunities for myself to move one step closer to having the career I desire. I never rest. It is all I think about, and everything I do is toward my goal being reached.

I’m mostly single throughout my life, and I’m not even mingling either. Relationships are distracting because men tend to compete with my guitar and my mind, for attention or something. I don’t know what it is, but I require more space than most people are willing to give me, and that has served me well, but no man is an island. The truth is: companionship is a requirement to being human, so I need to make changes there because my own company, although the best I have ever come across thus far, is not enough. Men usually drain me and come between me and my career, so my strong resolve will not allow that. I am always just making music, trying to get my music out there somehow and wondering what my next move should be. I have trained my mind so well and I think I have created a monster because my mind is all about work, i.e. updating these blogs, all about doing something musical to update on these blogs, all about making money in order to sustain my career, etc. Unlike other women, I can’t multi-task.

Since mid 2009 I decided to try and teach myself to relax again. I came to realize that I had lost balance in my lifestyle. I had forgotten how to relax and just be young and have fun. The truth is that I have never been young really. I was one of those children who freaked people out and made people uncomfortable because I spoke and acted like an adult. My aura and vibe has always possessed depth which didn’t fit my chronological age. In fact, it would seem that my other lesson in life is to learn to be young.

I dreamt about being possessed by Innana, which changed my entire outlook on life and gave me a little more power to be less limited. I won’t go into what the dream was about since this blog is already getting too long, but this Goddess told me that she is the Goddess of pleasure and Divine Feminine power, and that I was restricting this side of my personality. After the dream, it was as if she lingered within me, as if I could tune into her frequency of existence and get reminded of the meaning of pleasure and femininity.

So, as the ever conscious person I am, as the forever transformative person that I am; I decided last year to work on balance. I have BEEN wild and careless and carefree; I have also been serious, disciplined and limited, but, I need to find a wizened balance. I don’t wish to be a party animal and I doubt I can ever be one because I am just too gentle for such. That personality was also not true to who I am, just as this Hermit personality isn’t true to who I am either. It is like the Mars archetype which is impulsive vs. Saturn archetype which is limiting, and what I have to be is Jupiter and Venus, who is gregarious yet wise and feminine and sexy respectively. I do have natal Jupiter conjunct Ascendant and I have natal Venus sextile Ascendant, after all. I need to embody all of my facets and not neglect anything for the ultimate balance.

I am like a Debutante, trying to gradually introduce herself back into society after years of disappearing into the mystical nothingness of the 12th House (I have a full 12th house). Also, although I am against instant gratification, it doesn’t mean that I can’t be part of the normal world and socialize a bit, does it? I know that I said I would celebrate when I have received my desires, but that was before I learned that you have to be in a state of GRATITUDE derived from feeling that you have already received what you desire to receive what you desire in 3D.

I am woman enough to admit that I was wrong. I was wrong to think that I have to be obsessed about it to the extent of not living my life, to achieve what I desire. I have learned that I have to be in a state of having received what I desire in order to receive my desires in this reality. I have received my desires in other dimensions, but because I am not taking them by being thankful for them, I am not realizing that my desires are right in front of me.

First on the list on my gregarious yet wise path is to laugh a lot, flirt a lot, dance a lot, and love a lot. I am glad to say that I am doing this as we speak and I love it. Also, I have brought back that child-like wonder and child-like naughtiness into my life recently and I love that too. I am channeling Jupiter now and it is awesome. I have spent the 20s trying to get to know myself and it has not been easy, but it has been useful. I know myself better these days because of this, even though I have not learned everything, and I am very empowered by having explored my psyche because imagine doing all of this later in my life. I would rather do it while I am young, don’t you think?

I am an intense person who has an all or nothing stance on life. That is why I move from one extreme to another. I have a Scorpio Ascendant, with Jupiter conjunct it. Then, I have Mars in Scorpio too. So, I am very, VERY intense and the concept of balance is strange to me. I would rather go in the YIN side of the spectrum instead of the YANG, if I had to choose, but now I seek a balance. So, wish me luck! I can’t wait to play! I have been in darkness to learn about myself and now I am going toward the light to make my full-circle journey. Awesomeness!!

Thank you for reading,

Veronnica Wolpendz Loves You,
Love, Peace and Power!!

9 comments:

AbsintheDragonfly said...

Again you remind me of myself in ways Ms. Chanteuse.

Life is balance. Look at society to see what happens when you stray too far towards the masculine or feminine...

Sending you the Scale Fairies ;-)

Veronnica Wolpendz said...

:) I am typical 12th House Libra. No balance but I am planning to overcome that. <3 Thank you for the fairies!

Angela said...

"In fact, it would seem that my other lesson in life is to learn to be young. "

I can relate to that too. That's what I've been relearning since my own Saturn Return, when Uranus was also aspecting several parts of my chart.

Angela said...

My Scorpio ascendant is conjunct Uranus, inconjunct Moon/Venus, inconjunct Jupiter, and trine Mars. I used to be a lot more outgoing and it's still there, but blocked, for different reasons than your own. I as never a party girl, but I do love to laugh, and I'd forgotten, when I was an actual hermit (aside from seeing close family members, and the odd visitor), how much being out in the world - how much interacting with others - stimulated my own creativity, gave me a break from the studying that I loved to do. :) When I started to get out more, I found myself wanting to draw - something I hadn't done for several years when I was my most isolated.

I needed to step back, because I was feeling raw. I talked more elsewhere, to balance out the urge to hide for a while - to keep myself cheerful, and because I liked those people I was talking with (including Absinthe). And i really missed PA when she was gone. Sometimes space is needed, though -especially when one is feeling defensive and wary around people who are being nice to her. Anyway, enjoy learning to be young again... :)

Angela said...

Your tweets are amusing. :) Judging by the recent stream, I'm not a Sheeple. Good to know.

Veronnica Wolpendz said...

Angela - Thank you for sharing. You actually strike me as an outgoing personality. :)

About my tweets... At least someone finds them funny. LOL. I thought I had half offended everyone since I got no feedback about them. :D I am glad you enjoyed it.

I understand about stepping back and talking with people you trust. We need to have our loved-ones close instead of pushing them back when the world becomes a cold place.

<3

Ntokozo said...

Too tired to comment after reading that. Back to long blogs I see.

Veronnica Wolpendz said...

Ntokozo

:P

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.