|Just because I can, I post a pic of myself.|
You can't get something that you think you do not deserve. If by some luck you get it, you will not hold onto it. Also, you can not demand the best, if you are not the best, because when you get the best, you will not be able to handle the best. Another thing that we should all be aware of is that, if you settle for lesser than you desire, you will get lesser than what you desire. This is not rocket science. Why people don't get this through their skulls, is a mystery that I can't even explain, even though I have also been through it. It's as if, once you understand something, and it clicks, you just don't understand how you could have done differently.
I know it is easy to accuse people of being idiots, but the truth is that, people who hold onto problems for a long time, or people who repeat the same experiences, merely don't know how to do differently, even though theoretically, they know what needs to be done. Hence, if you tell someone who doesn't know how to love themselves to love themselves, you are speaking to an empty room. Above annoying them, because we all know that we have to love ourselves, most people who are stuck in a dark place, a rut, or into a destructive pattern are merely not yet sure that they even want to let go of darkness, although this is on a subconscious level because what relatively sane person would choose darkness with eyes wide open?
There are people having relationships with abusive partners who stay because they have not got it through their heads that they deserve better. You get people being in relationships with people that they are ashamed of speaking about because, again, they have just not yet got it through their heads that they deserve to be with people who they are proud of.
|Again, a picture of me because I am vain, I think.|
When you clean up house, and clear your life of things and people who enable your behavior of accepting less than what you deserve, only then can you probably start getting what you deserve.
For me to begin getting better, although these people and things comforted me, I had to get rid of or leave behind the people and things that enabled me to remain in my rut. I did it with psychotic fervor and fanaticism. If I even smelled a person try to drag me back to the rut, even when I was drawn to them through vulnerability, I would retaliate violently so that even if my strength wouldn't allow me to leave, their energy and distaste towards me would help me keep away from them because they would not want me too. If I couldn't leave a dark place, or a dark person, or a dark time, I would act in such an awful manner that the place, person or time would spit me out.
Sometimes we do not have the strength to say "no", or the strength to run, so, we have to make people refuse us, or deny us, in order to maintain our path towards our goals and towards our desires. This means that you have to have the resolve of an insane person to make sure that when you can not say no, people say no for you. That's how much you should fight for what you desire. You must fight for it so hard that your ego is shattered and fight so hard that you are ready to be rejected, hated or feared... All in order to get what you deserve. Then, when even the world doesn't allow you to be unhappy, you will be happy.
|Me again!! Oh my word! I am so self-indulgent, innit?|
Therefore, I discovered that it is just not enough to not desire to be happy. You also need unhappy things to not desire you. Otherwise, when one's strength is down and one is vulnerable, misery will invite you in because misery loves company. Let unhappiness, and those who enable it dislike you too. This way, you have double protection to not slide back into something you obviously don't want for yourself, due to just a weak moment.
On that note, goodnight.
I am going to relax now, and think about November. November... I wonder what I will be writing about then. It sure will be interesting, for better or for worse.