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Thursday, March 29, 2012

About The Last Blog!

Robert Mangaliso Sobukwe


We do not receive wisdom,
we must discover it for ourselves,
after a journey through the wilderness
which no one else can make for us,
which no one can spare us,
for our wisdom is the point of view
from which we come at last to regard the world.

Marcel Proust

We are here to do;
and through doing to learn;
and through learning to know;
and through knowing to experience wonder;
and through wonder to attain wisdom;
and through wisdom to find simplicity;
and through simplicity to give attention;
and through attention to see what needs to be done.

From the 'Pirke Avot'


Dearest Reader,

My last blog was quite the read I am sure. I don't know who said this, but I think it is something from a Dr. Seuss book where it says, "Those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind...", and like a tight formula, it worked out that way. My friends, of all races from white to black and all the shades that exist in between were rightly alarmed by my blog, but instead of crucifying and coming with holier than thou attitudes to me, because they knew me, they asked what was bothering me. When they got the explanation, they realized that I was hurt, due to feeling betrayed by a close friend who might be racist or was racist earlier in life. 

Some friends felt apologetic, which was not necessary. I just wanted to be heard, and I was throwing my toys and that was that. I am not perfect. Please try by all means to understand this about me. I am not even trying to be perfect. When I feel something, I feel something, whether it is good or bad, and I recommend you do the same, because only by accepting who you are NOW, good or bad, can you become who you desire to be. This is a fact. Denying your dark side, means that if you want to overcome it, you can never do so, because in denying it, you become blind of it. If you are blind to it, you can not face it to change it.

I desire to have no racist friends. I desire to be surrounded by love and acceptance, and I desire to be respected due to my character and due to my deeds, not by the color of my skin. I have given everyone in my life this privilege and I merely desire it in return. The fact that at once upon a time, I was judged by the color of my skin disgusted and angered me, especially since it was from a friend. If there are still racist "friends" lingering around me, I beg them to change or leave me be because if I find out that they are like that, my heart will break again, and I don't think I can withstand that again. I really think highly of my friends, and I would be highly disappointed to find out that they are like that. 

Apparently, everyone is racist. I disagree. I have had racist thoughts, sure, but I have never, NEVER disregarded, belittled or became prejudice towards a human based on the color, culture or religious background. I do not look down, avoid through disgust or superiority any Christian, Satanist, Caucasian, Black, or disabled person. I just don't have that in me. Was it how I was raised? Maybe. I don't know. From the time I was little, I always recognized that what the eye sees is an illusion of sorts. I wasn't able to intellectualize it then, as I could try to now, but this has been an inner knowing that I have had since I was a toddler. 

In my neighborhood as a child of less than 7 years old, which is the age of a humans most rapid and most lasting changes and development, my mother's bestie was a white lady and so I was friends with the daughter, Megan. They were South Africans of Scottish descent. Our neighbour was an Indian lady on one side and a biracial family on the other side. In pre-school, there were kids of all shapes and colors, and that is how I viewed the world, that people like dogs and cats, come in different shades of colors and sizes. My mother never once tried to influence me religiously either (until I was older LOL), hence I turned out to be a follower in Christ's teachings who lives like a Buddhist and who finds no contradiction in the beliefs of atheists verses others who are meta-physics inclined. I can say though that I don't understand any of the world's institutions like religion, marriage and even the law. Yes, the law to me is one party enforcing their beliefs on another, and so I don't quite understand why it is deemed the best practice. This includes Capitalism, and many other things on Earth that have never made sense to me.

My point is this: I was not raised like other kids, and I have never been like other kids, to be honest. I understood differently than most kids. They say racism is taught, but I wonder how I didn't get it taught to me. Was it really my mother's parenting skills or was it my mind that just rejected such superficial lies? I was taught that Capitalism is the WAY but I can't seem to believe it. I was taught that the Western lifestyle is better and more civilized than the African lifestyle and I never believed that from the get go. 

Even today, the lifestyle I lead is, simply put, different and nothing that I was taught. For example, I have always hated meat. It wasn't emotional, and it wasn't because of loving animals. I am impartial to animals to be honest. I just simply didn't like the taste of flesh. My mom bullied me to eating meat, as she didn't know better. I remember the first time I ate meat, I cried. I was 4 or 5 years old. Then, I ate it for a few years growing up because it was apparently good for me, and having chronic anemia I thought that maybe I should eat meat at least once or twice a month. But, still, it tasted like something I shouldn't eat. When I finally had the balls to quit, regardless of meat's implication on my health, I quit it, because it felt right. The same goes for alcohol. Society taught me that alcohol is fine to drink but I never liked it. I got myself to drink it, and somehow tried to enjoy it, but eventually, I realized that I am ingesting something I shouldn't ingest. Milk recently didn't agree with me and and made me sick. When I thought about milk, it made sense why it would make me sick. This goes for cheese, butter, eggs and margarine. There are many things that we are taught to do, but it doesn't mean we should do them or believe they are right to do. 

*shudders at thought of eggs*

Therefore, I find difficulty in believing that people can be taught things that simply make no sense, and believe it enough to make major choices based on these untruths, especially anyone older than 16. I have loved with my heart humans, not their skins. I have loved and I got persecuted for it. Even today, with the state of the world, the fact that I date people other than those of my race is taken as a gross betrayal by my black people, and to that, I can only say that they can kiss my ass! 

I wonder how these people feel after they have been horrible to another person, rejected a love, rejected a friend, and so on, just based on skin color. I dunno, man, but I am rejecting people for better reasons, like abuse, evil, and psycho tendencies and so on. Not for their skin color, the clothes they wear, etc. See, racism is like disliking someone because they are wearing the color blue for an outfit. That's strange innit?

So, I was angry that after I have gone through so much shit, defending these non-white friends of mine, they actually turned out to be exactly as I was told they were, i.e. racist! I was appalled. I felt so betrayed. And most of my anger came from being angry at myself for believing in people who were lying to me, pretending to value me when they just considered me one of their pets, sort of thing. 

Then, as I was watching Rise of The Planet of The Apes yesterday, I realized a few things about myself. Since there are racists out there who actually believe that my race and I are inferior, or people who exempt me from this inferiority, or people who still think I am inferior but just merely more evolved than my primitive race -I am going to show them that they are wrong. How I am going to do this is to spend my life showing all humans that we are equal. I know, this will not be easy. I didn't expect my life to be easy as it never was. Therefore, everything I do will be done with a purpose of teaching, showing and exhibiting equality. 

How I am going to do this is up to me and circumstance. 

If there is some sort of power that was trying to make me racist by showing me that my friends are racist, so that I must would fight fire with fire and be prejudice against other cultures and races, I am afraid that I can't even if I tried. I can not think of anyone more superior than me. I also can not think of anyone inferior to me. I just can't. I don't care how rich you are, how much of an expert in your field you are, or what shade the color of your skin is, how poor you are, or how intelligent or stupid you are,I can't, for the life of me, feel inferior/superior to anyone. I can merely avoid people who lower my energy, people who depress me and make me unhappy. That's all.

I still do maintain though that I can never be a close friend to anyone who thinks I am inferior to them. Similarly, I can't be friends with people who think I am superior to them. I've experienced this and it feels uncomfortable too, but in a different way. This goes for any culture, race or religion. I will not stand for such rubbish in my life. I will not stand for any condescending attitudes from people, and I will try not to be put on a pedestal. Why do you think I show myself in these blogs so nakedly? To make a good impression? In case you think so, the answer is NO. I am not trying to create a good impression. I am trying to be seen as WHO I AM.

If you think I am being racist by distancing racists in my life; you have mental issues. Why the hell would I surround myself with such negativity and low vibrations? It just so happens that I am likely to find people who think of me as inferior from mostly other cultures who have been indoctrinated to believe that blacks are stinking apes. Similarly, lots of men seem to have this issue of thinking of me inferior just because I am a woman. All these people shall not have the honor of my presence in their lives, and yes, I can smell it from a mile away, so, ask yourself why we aren't talking anymore.

*shrug*

Have a wonderful Day
RACISM IS A SELF-INFLICTED DISEASE (like alcoholism). BEAT IT!!!


Friday, March 9, 2012

Lamenting About The White Racist African

Dearest Reader,

I have been thinking about racism lately. I have also been thinking about my naivety of thinking that I could live in a world where all cultures celebrated their differences without it causing problems. I pretty much have love for all people. I don't concern myself with people's cultures as a source of conflict because intrinsically, I know better. The problem though is that, my culture and ethnicity has been a concern for many people, and it has also been a source of many of their mental conflict, negativity and perversions.

I am a "victim" of being viewed by many ethnic groups and cultures as being an exception among an inferior, base and uncultured race.

This is especially directed to white Africans in this case, but Indians, mixed-race people and other cultures do have that inclination to view me, a black person, and say "Yeah, this one is alright" as if I am a pet in a menagerie, as if it is a surprise that my race and my ancestors could produce such a spectacular being. What ignorant fucks! You think you're better than me, huh? That will be your downfall, and the sooner you racists shake that attitude and know better, the sooner you'll find peace because this LIE will haunt you for as long as you believe it. Trust me.

I am very angry with white South Africans who will not be honest about what they are, i.e. racist. Hence I prefer the Afrikaaner South African who is usually out-front with his/her racist views because they have guts to embrace their thoughts, no matter how perverse the thoughts might be. I respect every TRUTHFUL and TRANSPARENT human, even racists. I may not like a truthful, racist though. A truthful person, no matter how damaged, has a better chance at healing than someone walking around in denial thinking they are not damaged.

It means nothing that you have had sex with a black person, or even that you have had a relationship of long standing with a black person. That doesn't exempt you from being racist, unfortunately. The fact that you dream, fantasize and wish you could touch a black person with desire and longing doesn't mean that you are not racist. So, just get over that shit of, "Some of my best friends are black" nonsense and the "I've dated a black person" diatribe. It is rubbish.

Okay, you have black friends and all, and that's great, but have you ever hung out at their black neighbourhood? Have you ever been to your black friend's house more than once, not out of curiosity, but out of love and friendship to get to know them better, to understand them? So, please, this business of "friends" and "lovers" won't cut it! Okay? I guess, it is another way white racists and their superiority are trying to fool us, and they think we will believe them because we are dumb, stupid, black monkeys who don't understand much, right?

I am sick to my stomach that some white people I considered friends turned out to be these types of people, so much so that at this juncture, I can not imagine myself having a romantic or any personal relationship (plutonic or not) with a white African, because they think that blacks are an inferior species. Never mind the fact that, some of them are walking around with our hearts, or livers from black organ donors, that some of them have been saved by blood which came from a black person, which logically proves that we are of the same species!! I am highly disappointed as I type this. They don't know what Ubuntu is, nor do they know what Universal love is. People who put so much emphasis on the vessel concern me very highly. And, if these people are racist to save face amongst their people, then I pity them even more. Look, if you're going to be anything, racist, pacifist, vegetarian, capitalist, or whatever, let it be from the heart? It is pathetic to be something because someone dictated it to you. Unless you are a child, blaming society, upbringing and nurture is not enough.

I can't be close to people who consider me to be less human, who treat me like their pets! I can not be around people who think that I am an anomaly, that I am different from my black brethren because they are wrong. I am one of many, many brilliant, intelligent and beautiful black people. I can not be around such people because I will be enabling their warped ideas about the black race. Maybe I was meant to teach them differently, but I can't see myself teaching people I don't respect. A teach/learn experience is that. I can not teach/learn from a racist. So, I imagine that I must remove myself from such people.

We are not animals! We are intelligent beings suffering the propaganda of imperialists slave masters! We are damaged because of the imperialist's thirst for blood, desire for separation and pleasure in discord. The fact that black people are sitting back allowing the atrocities that have been imposed upon us is not a sign of stupidity or weakness and you are a fool if you believe that! It is a sign of compassion, much stronger and wiser than racism, because we are not the type to kick those who are already down, down with false superiority and self-delusions.

Fuck! I don't know man.

I just found out that a friend of mine, for years, is one of them! And I am his token black friend, I guess? So, I am hurting deeply. I am also inclined to believe that most white Africans are racist, because the one who proved that they weren't turned out to be so. This is not an objective post, at all. Hang me if you like, but I speak of my personal truth at this point in time. I might change my mind when I see differently, or when I experience something different, but thus far, I have been let down and even those who shall claim to be my friends are one of them because a simple test of your friendship to me is: Have you ever been to my house growing up and why? Secondly: How many other black friends do you have? Thirdly: Have you ever been there for me, or have I been the one being there for you, i.e. The supportive, warm, funny black friend? If they aren't racist, they can prove it. Otherwise, I can't be bothered with such people.

I don't hate people except for racists. I can forgive many things but racism. Again, I find myself in a dirtier place then I thought I lived. Earth is a much uglier place today than it was last week. I hope our children's generation is better than our generation because we are currently fucked. How many white people wanted to be closer to me, but didn't because of this superiority complex? I wonder? I even wonder how many loved me but denied it because I was black! How many racists deprived themselves of my wisdom, power and love because of this superiority complex? I can only shake my head in dismay and leave it alone because this issue is so bigger than me right now, I can't even think straight. The implications that I have believed in people who didn't deserve me believing in them is almost love wasted, but what's fortunate is that, love can not be wasted. I am a lover of people. When I love, when I nurture and when I give, I am not doing a service, I am merely being myself. So, it wasn't a waste to think fondly, fairly and good of these people. I was just being myself.

To the white racist Africans, I like my people. I love my people! I am my people. To separate me from them is offensive! You can think whatever you like about us, but let me assure you that you are deceived. Live in your ignorance about our beauty and brilliance at your own peril. To not see beauty in us, is to deprive yourself of wonderful, godly and indescribable pleasure and knowledge. To not see us for who we are, but for the LIE that you have concocted is only a disservice to you. Yes, you lose more by thinking less of us, than we lose from you thinking less of us, trust me... Ask those who's lives I have touched. Ask your children who were raised by us! Ask your society which was built by us! Then you will know how you cheat yourself by thinking less of our race!

Also, remember this Racist-White-African, you are a product of slavery too. The proof of this slavery is this very superiority complex. Know this! Understand this about yourselves. Embrace this about yourselves. You will never find peace until you let go of that superiority. That is your curse, your learning opportunity, and your portal to evolution. You think you are better than black people? You believe it very much, don't you? Until you let go of that LIE, you will NEVER find peace. This is a promise, a curse, and a certainty. You are a coward! You are afraid of being humble and true, hence you hold on to these false beliefs. When you learn, and grow, and evolve finally, the "Exceptional Black Person" will be waititng for you and we shall greet you by saying, "Welcome Brother/Sister! I am glad you are free of the shackles of racism. I have been waiting to show you how beautiful the world is when we are working together as one." Until then... I don't suffer fools, so racism is just one of those things I can't tolerate, unfortunately, so I will see all the White', Racist African on the other side.

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace, Power!

When I get hurt on this level, I don't even cry. I just shut down. Racism is poison. And, we need to purge this poison or die slowly from it.

Edit: Racist. I, black person, am a catalyst to assist you in letting go of your foolishness which imprisons you, your superiority complex. Take it or leave it. Use us as we have used you as a catalyst in letting go of our foolishness that imprisoned us, our inferiority complex. If the changes don't happen by self-initiation, they shall occur through external forces, and you don't want to be humbled by an external force as it is tougher than this. We have been given centuries to get ourselves balanced, and yes, we are still a world in transition but, some of you are dragging your feet.

Be vigilant in being the person you were meant to be. Be vigilant in separating your ego from who you truly are, and defeating it. Be vigilant brothers and sisters. We will get balanced. We will heal. The question is, how: easily or difficultly. Use this chance to tackle your perversions and restore yourself to who YOU are because if you don't do it yourself, it will be done for you. Simple as that.

If you don't set yourself free now, you are going to be stuck the way you are for longer than necessary.


Monday, March 5, 2012

Eccentric Hypochondriac Woman Genius!

Luna =Moon. Lunatic = Moonlike. That is all. 
Dearest Reader,

I was about to sleep. I had my barely there crop top on, I had my earplugs on, and I was gulping on some water when I asked myself, "What would people remember you for when you are long gone?" and the first answer is always that cynical side of mine which said, "They'll remember you for being a crazy heifer, is what." And then I laughed.

Then I mused about it all, and yes, I am crazy but I am not the craziest. As a matter of fact, I am the healthy crazy type, the one that still expresses it, not the ones who are just waiting for you..., waiting for you to say something wrong, do something wrong before they shoot you, pour hot porridge on your ass while you sleep, or worse, waiting to slit their wrists, take that overdose, or whatever fatal action to avoid the pain, humiliation, and whatever else that's driving us crazy in general.

What do I do when I lose it? I write. I cry. I bitch and moan about it until I am satisfied that I have been heard. As a matter of fact, I complain about whatever it is that is bothering me until I have had enough of hearing myself complain, until I am telling myself to shut it. I seldom suppress my feelings, good or bad. It's also how I mastered the art of getting over things over a week. You need to let it out in order to move on. And letting go of whatever it is, whether it be the past, current pain, or insecurity, always happens in an ugly way, so don't expect to let go of dysfunctions and still be fabulous while doing it. You can be fabulous after; not during the act of letting go.

Yep. That's True!
I have often wondered what people think of me, just out of curiosity. Do they think I am crazy, smart, radical, weird, frightening? Not many people tell me what they think of me. I don't particularly want to know, but on days like these, I get curious. Why would I get curious about such? Is it insecurity that drives us to know what people think of us? Is it a search for validation for what we do that makes drives us to find out what people think of us? Or is it both? Either way, the bottom line is: rather not know the thoughts of those who don't know you. Yep! I can live by that.

If people think I am crazy as I suspect I am, then like me, they fail to realize that I am merely showing the world my "craziness" unlike the rest of you... yes, you! You who is faking being normal when there is no such thing as "normal". What's being crazy anyway? Is being expressive of one's emotions, good or bad, craziness? Or, am I being natural? I mean, we have all seen it on social networks, people who for the last 365 days have been "winning" and just never having a dull, blue day. Then, there are those who are so honest about how they feel, they make us all so uncomfortable that we wish they would stop expressing themselves. Are these overtly expressive people at fault, or are WE at fault for either entertaining them or judging them? I don't know? I just have questions, really. I have no answers right now. All I know is that my Moon In Cancer was not Conjunct my MC (Moon Conjunct Midheaven) for nothing. I was born to speak publicly but whether famously or infamously, is still to be seen.

What will I be remembered for?

I hope I am remembered for being honest, true and natural. If we meet and I smile at you, you can be certain that it is real. Imagine that, in a world filled with uncertainty, I give you something genuine. Not much, but hey...

Howard Hughes: Crazy, exy man-genius.
Ugh, now the nausea returns. Please, don't let it be hyperpituitarism again. If it is, which when I think about it honestly, it most likely is, it means that I need to leave town (jhb) for a short bit and go to the coast (kzn) to my usual doctors who know how to deal with me when I start acting like a hormonal, pregnant woman. Last time I did a CAT scan, I didn't have a brain tumor, but maybe it has grown and is now visible? LMAO!

Okay, we can be certain of one thing out of all of this, and that is, I am a hypochondriac. But, I do feel a little funny. I'm not like myself. Lot's of headaches, nausea, and volatility which I haven't experienced since 3 years ago. I'm ascending. LMAO!

Let me go to bed.

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace, Power

P.S. You can spell the words CRAZED, ZEAL, PANIC and WEIRD from veronnica wolpendz. :) and here is a list of Crazy People you should know about. Maybe then you can see how overrated sanity is.Also, look at these 7 Eccentric Genius Who Were Clearly Just Insane.

"Almost no one was "Glad" to be their friend until they became famous."

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Return of the Mad!


Dearest Reader,

Puta!

This is one of those blogs that people might ask, "Does she not have people to tell her to fall back?" or "Does she not have friends, or people who care around her to tell her not to post such on the internet?" Well, I guess not, because here I am, about to post this because I have tried to talk to all people that I have at my disposal and they have lives to live. The best bet would be to have a shrink on call, but I don't have one of those.

*maybe I need a shrink*

Seriously, I have not felt this frustrated in a long time.

I have to express this venom inside one way or another. I need to purge. I could write a song about it but god, these people aint worth a song. I can go on pointing fingers at people all I want as well, but once a pattern arises, it becomes my problem because it means that I am attracting the same experiences to me. The question is why? Okay, let's start by explaining exactly what I am attracting before I try to figure out why. I need to get to the bottom of this because I have pretty much had an awful time in my personal life recently. I might be going around thinking I am having some allergic reaction to gluten when it could just be heartbreak and depression. ( I feel stress through my tummy)

Alright... Let's go forth.

For the first time in my life, in 2011 I had "relations" with a male who lost interest in me thereafter. I am sure this is a common problem, but it isn't common to me. Look, I don't go around town shagging people all willy nilly, but I can see how this can drive me to that level because I will be trying to see if they stick around or not by having relations and watching them for a reaction. And, once I find that they don't stick around, I would go find another to see if they go too. Then they don't stay and the cycle starts again. This is where I find myself, I think, and I am trying my best to stop my foolishness because each time it happens, I get thoroughly heartbroken and I sob in fetal position, with black mascara running down my face. I can't do this one more time. I just can't! It is too painful.

*Ugh, and the fact that I have seen 3 guys in a span of 12 months has really messed with my head because that's a bit overboard for me. And, I wouldn't have even gone to guy two and three if guy one just liked me as much as I liked him, but as the saying goes, you have to go under a guy to get over another? Is that what they say? Well, I can't! I think I am going celibate again.Yes, I was happily celibate for years, by choice, because I didn't have the energy for men being clingy. Now I am going celibate because they aren't? Huh?*

Where was I? Oh yeah, I was grappling with being undesireable and becoming a whore?? Is that right?

I have been in a shitty space of mind for quite some time because I feel that I have been attracting the wrong men, i.e. men who treat me like a prostitute by shagging me and leaving me. I am not used to this phenomenon. I am a small town girl okay? We date people. No matter how casual it might be, we don't shag and leave. We shag, explore and when we are certain that it is going nowhere, we leave. We don't just throw people away. Heck, shagging someone to me meant being exclusive to that person. I guess I was wrong! I thought a guy asking you out meant that he likes you, but it turns out that he is just offering you sex, and that's where that dinner date, or even that sweet talk is for. FOR SEX! Nothing more!

I am getting palpitations just thinking about how much of a naive little girl I am, when I have been talking such big talk. Yeah, I have a big mouth, but it is to fool others, not myself! So, what has been going on is that I am attracting people who shag me and leave me and it is making me cry. I feel so stupid, I feel so used, I feel unlike my glorious self because of it. I can't believe that I allowed myself to be in this situation. And, actually, I don't know why I find myself in this situation.

I guess, my manner of approach is so bold that men think that all I want is sex? Could that be it, because I am not a sexually shy woman, but I am not a woman who takes sex lightly. I don't know. All I know is that I am sitting here, licking my wounds, wondering where I went wrong. Maybe I am attracting exactly who I need to attract, to show me what a mess I am while I parade as collected and together. But, maybe I am no more a mess than other women. Unfortunately, I have no way of comparing whether I have gone unhealthy mentally, but... crying a lot is a clue enough that something is very wrong.

Gawd, have I been crying! I have been wailing and weeping in all ways. I have been crying while eating an apple. Just imagine how ugly that is, bits of apple dropping out the side of my mouth, tears streaming down my face... Hot mess!! I have been crying while taking the garbage out. SMH. I'd be walking normally, then it dawns on me that, "I've become a heaux...!! What would my mama say?" and then the tears would start streaming down my face as I walk to the bin outside. Another place I have found myself crying is holding the phone in my hand, blocking or deciding if I should speak to people on whatsapp or on twitter or on wherever and thinking, "How did this happen to me, Aaaaagggggaaaaaiiiinnnnn. Waaaaaaahhhh".

Okay, we were trying to discover why I keep attracting people who don't like me too, right? Why do I keep attracting people who are emotionally unavailable, cold-ass motherfuckers who shag you and leave ya, down right slimy ass dicks who don't give a fuck that you're somebody's child, with a heart and who just wants to be treated like a human, not like some dirty skank who is kept secret or thrown away like a dirty old rag?

LOL!! (I am laughing at the wording of the question, not the subject matter)

The answer is: I don't know! I have no fucking idea! All I know is that, I want my mom, I want to be hugged and I want to be treated nicely. Why is this not happening? Am I paying karmically for all the randoms I gave bat? Or, is there a lesson to be learned here. I mean, there is a pattern y'all. It is like the same person in a different body! I feel like I am being haunted by a body snatcher demon, who is using these guys to punish me. Like that Denzel Washington movie with the demon Azezeal, where he used to go into people through touch. Yeah, it is one entity working through these guys and I ask, WHAT AM I NOT GETTING HERE??

What am I meant to see but fail to see?

Smh... Don't you guys worry. I always get to the bottom of my madness. I am just in a stage in my thinking where I would write in my journal instead, not publically. So this is regular madness about an irregular subject matter.

Let me go eat a plum, and break into tears.
Today's Horoscope. 

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Power.