|Robert Mangaliso Sobukwe|
We do not receive wisdom,
we must discover it for ourselves,
after a journey through the wilderness
which no one else can make for us,
which no one can spare us,
for our wisdom is the point of view
from which we come at last to regard the world.
We are here to do;
and through doing to learn;
and through learning to know;
and through knowing to experience wonder;
and through wonder to attain wisdom;
and through wisdom to find simplicity;
and through simplicity to give attention;
and through attention to see what needs to be done.
From the 'Pirke Avot'
My last blog was quite the read I am sure. I don't know who said this, but I think it is something from a Dr. Seuss book where it says, "Those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind...", and like a tight formula, it worked out that way. My friends, of all races from white to black and all the shades that exist in between were rightly alarmed by my blog, but instead of crucifying and coming with holier than thou attitudes to me, because they knew me, they asked what was bothering me. When they got the explanation, they realized that I was hurt, due to feeling betrayed by a close friend who might be racist or was racist earlier in life.
Some friends felt apologetic, which was not necessary. I just wanted to be heard, and I was throwing my toys and that was that. I am not perfect. Please try by all means to understand this about me. I am not even trying to be perfect. When I feel something, I feel something, whether it is good or bad, and I recommend you do the same, because only by accepting who you are NOW, good or bad, can you become who you desire to be. This is a fact. Denying your dark side, means that if you want to overcome it, you can never do so, because in denying it, you become blind of it. If you are blind to it, you can not face it to change it.
I desire to have no racist friends. I desire to be surrounded by love and acceptance, and I desire to be respected due to my character and due to my deeds, not by the color of my skin. I have given everyone in my life this privilege and I merely desire it in return. The fact that at once upon a time, I was judged by the color of my skin disgusted and angered me, especially since it was from a friend. If there are still racist "friends" lingering around me, I beg them to change or leave me be because if I find out that they are like that, my heart will break again, and I don't think I can withstand that again. I really think highly of my friends, and I would be highly disappointed to find out that they are like that.
Apparently, everyone is racist. I disagree. I have had racist thoughts, sure, but I have never, NEVER disregarded, belittled or became prejudice towards a human based on the color, culture or religious background. I do not look down, avoid through disgust or superiority any Christian, Satanist, Caucasian, Black, or disabled person. I just don't have that in me. Was it how I was raised? Maybe. I don't know. From the time I was little, I always recognized that what the eye sees is an illusion of sorts. I wasn't able to intellectualize it then, as I could try to now, but this has been an inner knowing that I have had since I was a toddler.
In my neighborhood as a child of less than 7 years old, which is the age of a humans most rapid and most lasting changes and development, my mother's bestie was a white lady and so I was friends with the daughter, Megan. They were South Africans of Scottish descent. Our neighbour was an Indian lady on one side and a biracial family on the other side. In pre-school, there were kids of all shapes and colors, and that is how I viewed the world, that people like dogs and cats, come in different shades of colors and sizes. My mother never once tried to influence me religiously either (until I was older LOL), hence I turned out to be a follower in Christ's teachings who lives like a Buddhist and who finds no contradiction in the beliefs of atheists verses others who are meta-physics inclined. I can say though that I don't understand any of the world's institutions like religion, marriage and even the law. Yes, the law to me is one party enforcing their beliefs on another, and so I don't quite understand why it is deemed the best practice. This includes Capitalism, and many other things on Earth that have never made sense to me.
My point is this: I was not raised like other kids, and I have never been like other kids, to be honest. I understood differently than most kids. They say racism is taught, but I wonder how I didn't get it taught to me. Was it really my mother's parenting skills or was it my mind that just rejected such superficial lies? I was taught that Capitalism is the WAY but I can't seem to believe it. I was taught that the Western lifestyle is better and more civilized than the African lifestyle and I never believed that from the get go.
Even today, the lifestyle I lead is, simply put, different and nothing that I was taught. For example, I have always hated meat. It wasn't emotional, and it wasn't because of loving animals. I am impartial to animals to be honest. I just simply didn't like the taste of flesh. My mom bullied me to eating meat, as she didn't know better. I remember the first time I ate meat, I cried. I was 4 or 5 years old. Then, I ate it for a few years growing up because it was apparently good for me, and having chronic anemia I thought that maybe I should eat meat at least once or twice a month. But, still, it tasted like something I shouldn't eat. When I finally had the balls to quit, regardless of meat's implication on my health, I quit it, because it felt right. The same goes for alcohol. Society taught me that alcohol is fine to drink but I never liked it. I got myself to drink it, and somehow tried to enjoy it, but eventually, I realized that I am ingesting something I shouldn't ingest. Milk recently didn't agree with me and and made me sick. When I thought about milk, it made sense why it would make me sick. This goes for cheese, butter, eggs and margarine. There are many things that we are taught to do, but it doesn't mean we should do them or believe they are right to do.
*shudders at thought of eggs*
Therefore, I find difficulty in believing that people can be taught things that simply make no sense, and believe it enough to make major choices based on these untruths, especially anyone older than 16. I have loved with my heart humans, not their skins. I have loved and I got persecuted for it. Even today, with the state of the world, the fact that I date people other than those of my race is taken as a gross betrayal by my black people, and to that, I can only say that they can kiss my ass!
I wonder how these people feel after they have been horrible to another person, rejected a love, rejected a friend, and so on, just based on skin color. I dunno, man, but I am rejecting people for better reasons, like abuse, evil, and psycho tendencies and so on. Not for their skin color, the clothes they wear, etc. See, racism is like disliking someone because they are wearing the color blue for an outfit. That's strange innit?
So, I was angry that after I have gone through so much shit, defending these non-white friends of mine, they actually turned out to be exactly as I was told they were, i.e. racist! I was appalled. I felt so betrayed. And most of my anger came from being angry at myself for believing in people who were lying to me, pretending to value me when they just considered me one of their pets, sort of thing.
Then, as I was watching Rise of The Planet of The Apes yesterday, I realized a few things about myself. Since there are racists out there who actually believe that my race and I are inferior, or people who exempt me from this inferiority, or people who still think I am inferior but just merely more evolved than my primitive race -I am going to show them that they are wrong. How I am going to do this is to spend my life showing all humans that we are equal. I know, this will not be easy. I didn't expect my life to be easy as it never was. Therefore, everything I do will be done with a purpose of teaching, showing and exhibiting equality.
How I am going to do this is up to me and circumstance.
If there is some sort of power that was trying to make me racist by showing me that my friends are racist, so that I must would fight fire with fire and be prejudice against other cultures and races, I am afraid that I can't even if I tried. I can not think of anyone more superior than me. I also can not think of anyone inferior to me. I just can't. I don't care how rich you are, how much of an expert in your field you are, or what shade the color of your skin is, how poor you are, or how intelligent or stupid you are,I can't, for the life of me, feel inferior/superior to anyone. I can merely avoid people who lower my energy, people who depress me and make me unhappy. That's all.
I still do maintain though that I can never be a close friend to anyone who thinks I am inferior to them. Similarly, I can't be friends with people who think I am superior to them. I've experienced this and it feels uncomfortable too, but in a different way. This goes for any culture, race or religion. I will not stand for such rubbish in my life. I will not stand for any condescending attitudes from people, and I will try not to be put on a pedestal. Why do you think I show myself in these blogs so nakedly? To make a good impression? In case you think so, the answer is NO. I am not trying to create a good impression. I am trying to be seen as WHO I AM.
If you think I am being racist by distancing racists in my life; you have mental issues. Why the hell would I surround myself with such negativity and low vibrations? It just so happens that I am likely to find people who think of me as inferior from mostly other cultures who have been indoctrinated to believe that blacks are stinking apes. Similarly, lots of men seem to have this issue of thinking of me inferior just because I am a woman. All these people shall not have the honor of my presence in their lives, and yes, I can smell it from a mile away, so, ask yourself why we aren't talking anymore.
Have a wonderful Day
RACISM IS A SELF-INFLICTED DISEASE (like alcoholism). BEAT IT!!!