Monday, August 31, 2015

I Make Myself Sick!

Hey There,

It's Sunday... No, it is Monday morning. I have a migraine and I am not sure what to do with myself, but I am pretty sure that staring at a computer screen is not the solution, but here I am, online, combing through Facebook and regretting the time I am spending going through people's pictures. You will find yourself on 2012 pictures on a person you aren't really that fascinated with, someone with whom you aren't even friends, and like a terrible car crash from which you can not peel your gaze, you just keep on looking, and looking, and clicking and clicking. It's a strange compulsion, this thing, of looking at pictures of strangers. I am not sure what fix it gives, but hours can be spend on just clicking from one picture to another. Then, when you reevaluate what you have accomplished during such time, you come to the pathetic realisation that you have not benefited at all from this incredibly time consuming exercise. Ugh!

I am sitting here, looking at myself with that, "what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you" look because a migraine does not give me carte blanche to waste my life when I actually have plenty to do with my time. I need to be up and running by 07:30 today, and this needs for my hair to look decent, but am I fixing my hair? No. I am looking at strange people's pics on Facebook instead, and doing some weird CSI work as I put two and two together about the people I do know on Facebook. You see, this is how it happens...

You're innocently accepting a friend request, when suddenly, something catches your eye on your Facebook page. You see someone you know and click on their picture. From there, it all goes downhill as you see people who are tagged in the picture, and through general nosiness, you click on the tagged people. Then, the rabbit hole goes on and on until you figure out stories about people that aren't yours to know but quite freely available to know about. Sadly, just because things are freely available doesn't mean that they should be consumed.

Two hours later, I know people's cousins, lovers, ex-lovers, and babies who I have never met, who form a pretty interesting puzzle which I happened to put together unintentionally. Then, I sit back, nod, and blink, knowing useless crap about people I do not know. Two hours down the drain, I'm up at 1 AM in the morning having benefited nothing from this energy expenditure because deducing things from random pictures does take some mental effort.

Ugh! I have a Terry Goodkind book waiting for me to read, songs to finish, things to write, an 8 AM appointment, the post to fetch, hair to do, shopping and cleaning to do, but there I was, a little while ago, wasting my time on Facebook. I make myself sick. At least Twitter is funny and educational. Facebook is just... Ugh.

Good night.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Doing Whatever The Fuck I Desire!

Dearest Reader,

It's been a long time since I bothered to write, and it was mainly because I was still trying to figure things out. That's until I got comfortable with not having things figured out, then I calmed down and became myself again. I don't know why I bother trying to define things when words are now no longer sufficient, when DOING and BEING is more important.

I've been catching up on years of reading by finishing The Belgariad, a David Eddings series of five books, that I started upon two months ago. I have also been writing music through Logic Pro X, which is new for me since I traditionally write music with my guitar, the old fashioned way. I'm on the sixth track with the goal of writing at least ten songs. This has been loads of fun and frustrating as I fumbled through the application, and swearing at the computer when songs disappeared. It was my fault, of course, for not saving immediately after opening a project, but this has been a lesson learnt.

I'm getting married in October, so I am quite excited about the bling that is going to manifest in my life in a few weeks, a wedding band with diamonds! Did I mention that diamonds are my favourite things? No? Well, they are. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I look forward to the symbolic union of two people. Yes, I am looking forward to that too. *ahem*

I have also embarked on a new journey of trading. Yes, trading in the stock market. It's too early to tell how well that is going to go, but I have a good feeling. I hope this does not get interrupted by getting a job, which seems frighteningly probable right now. A sales job in Z├╝rich would be a great distraction because I love making money, and when I work with commission being dangled in front of me, I get into a selling frenzy and surpass sales targets just so that I can count the zeros. This is just how I have always been. But, if I get the job, I will gladly take it and make money because I didn't specify to the universe how I desire abundance. I just told the universe to make it happen.

I have also been obsessing about Rob Dougan, about his music, that is. I would obsess about him, but he is a ghost, and there is virtually nothing about him on the Internet. His music is my inspiration lately, and it is mainly why I stopped looking down upon making music digitally because he does it, and it sounds great and natural. Basically, the goal is to make music like him one day. Common to my modus operandi, I ended up chatting to him and he seems like a very sweet man. I respect him very much. Why this is my M.O. is because if I desire to speak to a person, I end up speaking to them. I don't force issues, but, it seems that I attract people who end up drawn to me sufficiently enough to at least talk to me briefly. Now, I must desire to speak to Jesus, so that he can come back to fix his people.

Oh, and one strange phenomenon that I have been experiencing is broodiness. I have been finding things incredibly cute, especially the young of humans. I have found a way to appease this urge by watching cat videos on the internet, so hopefully, I will not be procreating anytime soon, although it would be a great service to bear mankind another with similar genome as I.

Other than that, I have been 90% joyful, with PMS stealing my joy on other days. Of course, I have been philosophical, as usual, thinking about the state of humanity now, and in the future, but trying my damnedest not to think too much about it because my mind is strong, and I manifest things that go through it very well, and with the propensity of my mind being dark, I can't impose such onto the world. So, I have to think in a gregariously childlike way, in order to save the world from being flattened by a meteor.

The bottomline is that, I have been doing anything that my heart desires and let me tell you, all the baptisms of fire from yesterday were poetically worth the pleasure of today. I am not stressed, I am healing, I am hopeful, and I am happy, even though a bit chubby. Look, this coming from me, is incredible, and I am very grateful even though I rebuke the fat that lingers on my body, and pray each day that angels may melt it, since I seem unable to do anything about it. In fact, I philosophise by saying that, if I were to have a bomb body on top of everything else that is bomb in my life, I would cease being able to relate to humans as my life would be too perfect. So, my fat, serves Earth. LOL!

I have also been watching more films than usual, and I am not sure whether it is me, or what, but films these days are tremendously mediocre. I have not watched one film this year that I can say blew my mind away the way "The Matrix" once did years ago. I suspect that I am jaded, because movie storylines today are so predictable that the only thing that I can appreciate is a directors skills, and sometimes, the thespian's acting.

My birthday is also coming up soon, in early September, which I would like to spend hiking, because on my birthdays, as the years have progressed, I have had the intense desire to spend them in nature, preferably in very high altitudes with someone I love. Then, what I do when I reach the top is assume the lotus position and meditate. Yes, I am still a hippy, but now I am crazier, because now I have run out of fucks to disperse amongst the human race, resulting in "Doing Whatever The Fuck I Want!"


Fare Thee Well, You Infuriating Humans!
I Still Hate You, even though I would do anything for your well being.


Here's a song I wrote a few days ago. It is not polished but I've already arranged for a friend of mine to add his producer magic on it before I lace the vocals, also in case I let someone else do the vocals.