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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Hottest Men Alive Today!

Dearest Reader,

I would like to apologize to the men who are about to read this blog post. The subject matter and contents are more suited for the feminine kind among us. I was sitting in my bedroom, about to sleep and I decided to Google one of my favorites currently, Micheal Fassbender, when I came up with the idea of doing a list of hot men as a blog post. It is a frivolous exercise, only meant to amuse and titillate and nothing more. So, here goes the list, in no particular order.

  1. Michael Fassbender.
He has piercing blue eyes, by the way...
 There is good-looking, and then there is Michael Fassbender. He is in a league of his own. As a matter of fact, due to his gorgeousness, He is an actor and was born in Germany and raised in England, I think. Actually, who cares. Look at him, and that is all you need to know about this man. 

2. Leonardo DiCaprio
He is King of my world, that's for sure.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Need I say more? I think not. But, if you must insist... This guy is so hot! I can't deal! *fans self* He is not only magnificent, he is also talented, accomplished, wealthy and powerful. Basically, I can't think of any man that can compete with this one. He is in a league of his own, and I am in awe of his deliciousness. 

3. Jason Momoa
I am not a fan of dreadlocks but in his case, dreadlocks are sexy!
I first paid attention to this hot piece of man candy in the HBO series called Game of Thrones. Goodness gracious! He is so hot that he made me want to be forcefully married to a barbarian. He is also Conan, which I have not yet seen, but which I will definitely see, so as to marvel at his manly perfection. Yum!

4. Michael Ealy
 
Thank you sweet Jesus for this man!

This man is an actor. He has been in huge films such as that movie where Will Smith is dying, that movie I didn't finish... Seven Pounds, I think it's called. He is also in an ensemble cast in the movie Takers where he is a con man. After that film, I was less judgmental of women who date and marry criminals because I would do it in a second if a criminal looked this good. He is so hot, Beyonce used him in her video for the song called Halo. Wow! Just look at those eyes. *sigh*

5. Sizwe Dhlomo
He is my twitter crush and now you know why.

This young man is only 28 yrs old and already he is a tv veteran, radio presenter, club Dj and a hot piece of ass. That's not the only thing that's causing a craze about him. Above all that entertainment industry stuff, the boy has business skills that are to be envied, but who cares about that. Just look at him! He is hotter than the devil's toenails and is the very reason why mothers should beware for their daughters! Sweet mother of God, those eyes. I can't deal!

6. Jesse Williams
Oh my Lawd! He looks delicious!
I am not sure if I can do this man justice. He is also a music video vixen (lol) having appeared in Rihanna's video where she was being suicidal. What was it called? Russian Roulette? Whatever. I wasn't really listening to the song. I was watching Jesse like a hawk, being mesmerized by love potion of beauty and sexiness. I wish I could lick him for some reason. He looks delicious, like freshly baked bread. 

7. Terrell Owens
Hot like hell's inferno! Daayyyymmm.
This man... I can't deal. He is just up my alley, that is, he is tall, dark and handsome. He is also big and strong which means that he can carry me. *looks away shyly* Terrell is an American Football player, and he also has a reality show where he walks about without his shirt on at least once per episode, which I am thankful for. He is beautiful, I think. He is just magnificent. 

8. Willy Monfret
Forgive me Father for I do much coveting right now... 
WOW! Can you say "God's gift to womankind!"? Holy smokes! This man is beautifully created and sculptured. I just can't stop looking at his wonderful fine self. He is angelic, in an Archangel sort of way, where we have a mixture of power and grace in one. He is also a video vixen as seen in Nicki Minaj's video who's name I don't know or care to Google right now. Thank you God! Nuff said!

9. Idris Elba
A man's man. Yes, this is a real man!!
He is a seasoned Thespian from the United Kingdom and his is a wonderfully tall, dark and handsome man. He has that suave that can not be learned or bought. He was born with it, and oh, how magnificently he handles himself. Stylish, mature and elegant, he is my dream long-term partner. He oozes sex appeal. I can't even tell where exactly it oozes from but it is there! Wow! What a fabulous and magnificent specimen of a man. What a mouth-watering offering from the Gods! 

10. Wentworth Miller
I melt! I just melt!
As I type this, and as I look at how divine this man is, I have to stop myself from making cooing sounds because that is just weird. But who cares... *coos* Wentworth Miller is an actor from that series back in the day called Prison Break. He has a timeless beauty that can not be denied. Look at those eyes. They seem to be calling me... This is the type of man that would get you in trouble because you just wouldn't be able to deny him. He is hypnotic. Bravo, God! Bravo! This was an exemplary creation. Well Done! *sighs*


I hope you enjoyed that eye-candy! 
Ciao

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Power!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

My Day of Peace, Balance and Nothingness.

hubnab-ku (balance)
Dearest Reader,

Before I attempt to sleep, I thought it was appropriate to update this blog, simply because I have not done so in a very long time and I have a few moments to spare.

I have nothing in particular to discuss, even though there have been many developments and intrigues that have occurred in my life since my last post. I suppose I will leave the 'update' for some other time when I'm in a different mood. For now, I would just like to speak about nothing in particular, you know? Have you ever felt this way, where you just don't feel like discussing anything because nothing is more pleasurable than the simple experience of the present moment of silence?

taijitu (balance)
I have no particular opinion about anything right now, good or bad. I am not unhappy, and neither am I ecstatic. I am just at peace. Nothing moves me. I am unmoved. Nothing is worth my thought energy other than silence. Nothing stands out. That's how I feel right now, and I am enjoying this feeling. It is quite rare for me to feel such peace, balance and serenity. I am usually caught up in some drama, intrigue, passion, intensity; engrossed in some robust temperament. Come to think of it, maybe I am going to fall asleep after this blog post, but I don't care if I do or not, even though it would benefit me to do so.

In a nutshell, I am in a nothing-really-matters mood. *deep sigh* This feels good. I don't want to spoil it with thoughts of worldly things because this feeling is rather ethereal. I think this feeling is why people smoke weed. I say "I think" because weed just makes me uptight and paranoid.

For the entire day today, I have cared very little about the going-ons of the world. I merely gazed upon the world with detached observation in the same manner that I would look upon an ant colony that is busy about its work. I am not phased, but pleasantly so, and not once today was I surprised, impressed, shocked, angered, excited or worked up by anything. I have just been in a matter-of-fact mood and if I shared my opinion,  it was with no desire for any particular outcome.

It's funny how I can describe nothingness in so many words. It is ironic because an apt way to describe this zen mood would have been to just not write at all, but something said I must write, so I did. Simple as that.
yin-yang (balance)

Anyway, that is all.  I am going to end this blog of nothingness right here.

Have a beautiful evening/day/morning.
Blessings to you all.
May you feel the peace that I am feeling. It is quite nice.

Ciao

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Power!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Music, Activism and Daydreams!

Dearest Readers,

(I should have said, "Dearest Americans" since most of my readers are from there, because I am bitter that my home country couldn't be arsed about this blog, but for the handful that DO read, I will not say such.)

*ahem*

Where was I? Oh yes, I was graciously greeting my wonderful readers who keep on increasing with time, in an alarming rate. Thank you for reading my blog.

Me, blurred, in front of the Mic
It has been some time since I last updated this self-centered blog of mine. I apologize for my obvious neglect and lack of care, but I had better things to do these last few weeks. This is not to say that this blog is not important, but I had a lot of work to do in studio, i.e. recording my music, which is pretty much the purpose of my life. I hope you all understand. I love making music, I love the prospect of more people hearing it, and so, when the opportunity arises for me to do things that take me closer to achieving such, I drop everything.

My hand doing what my hands were born to do
I have also been meeting new people, being more social than my usual scary, hermit self. That didn't go so well. I got highly annoyed, extremely, and soon retreated to my cavern of solitude again. But, I am grateful to know experientially that I haven't been missing out on anything in the world out there. It is still as I thought it was, crap. It is still a world filled with pretentious little idiots who don't know their asses from their mouths, resulting in grown people speaking shit. This is not new, though. It has always been this way, but I am glad that my solitary ways have not gone in vain.
The Night Vigil Protest against The Secrecy Bill

I have also been doing a bit of activism lately. I know, a loner activist is quite the dichotomy but it happens when you put a male, attractive activist in the mix. Yes, I became political for a short while before I became quite sick of politics because I think politics are the personification of bullshit. Anyway, I was an activist for a good cause, and it was worth being mobilized for such. You see, the South African government is trying to take away our rights in a very shifty way by passing a bill called The Secrecy Bill, which prevents civilians to possess and/or report about any classified document, which could be anything really. And, if found with such documents, you go to jail with no fine for a callosal amount of years.  You know what, since it seems like I don't know what I am talking about, go to this website and read about it: http://www.timeslive.co.za/opinion/commentary/2011/09/18/the-sinister-heart-of-the-secrecy-bill-laid-bare

Walked all of Jhb, almost died and felt good!
The second activist shindig I went to was called Slutwalk. I was a marshal, which I thought meant I just stood at certain points of the walk and direct people where necessary, but to my surprise, I had to walk too. It was only a 3.5km's walk, but you have no idea how unfit I am, so to me, it felt as if I was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. The walk was hilly, and halfway through I thought I was going to die, or at least I looked that way as the eyeliner and make-up melted and the walk became forced and senior citizen-ish. Just imagine those zombies from the Thriller music video to understand how I looked and felt. It was fun though. I met a lovely girl called Kelly who I am going to hook up with when I crave humans again, and as we walked together shouting, "No Means No! Yes Means Yes" we giggled, and high-fived each other in jubilation. I think the joy must have been the result of endorphins kicking in from the exercise, or the funny slogan, but either way, I was grateful to no longer be in pain.

What else was occupying my time?

When the dog turned into Ryan Gosling...
Oh yes! I was fucking like a dog on heat! Errrr... no, that was the steamy daydreaming that has been taking over my mind at every moment of physical inactivity: no real fornication unfortunately! Like in cartoons, when a character is hungry, I saw a dog and it turned into a hot Ryan Gosling look-alike right before my eyes. Thankfully I blinked in the nick of time before I sexually assaulted the poor pooch. Yes, my love life can have the code name: Desert Storm, dry and tumultuous, but I am not complaining. I like my life at the moment, and I plan to like it even more soon. Someone's bound to notice me, FFS!

Anyway, my friends of the Earth, that is all I have for you right now. I hope you all have a lovely October, and a lovely life. I sincerely hope that we could all be as glad and as happy as I feel. You don't need too much to be happy. You just need what you desire to be happy. I have it all, love, music, causes, kinky daydreams... I'm living the good life, for sure. I hope you are too. If you aren't, change your perspective a little.It might help.

Well, thank you for reading.

Veronnica Wolpendz loves you so much!!

Love, Peace and Power to all of US!! Freeeeddddooooom!!! *fist in the air*


Saturday, September 3, 2011

WAR

Dearest Reader, 

Of all the things I have studied on Earth, the subject which I study diligently is the subject of Self. Therefore, as I learn about the world, it is always in relation to the Self. I think they call this being self-centered, and I believe that it has negative connotations in our society, but let me tell you something utterly blasphemous: Selfishness, being self-centered  and self-involvement are your KEY to salvation because they are the seed of self-evaluation and self-actualization. So, it is impossible for me to engage in anything without bringing it within first, and observing its influence upon me and ALMOST embracing it, in order to see if its vibration is in harmony with mine, or not. This observation and near embracing of things is sometimes called empathy.

Please note: Selfishness and all things pertaining to the self as mentioned above are but the first step to understanding one's being. It doesn't stop there, although some people do remain there longer than necessary. This is their choice, but the truth is, self-involvement is separating oneself from others, therefore to remain self-involved for anything other than self-evaluation and healing is detrimental to one's evolution. One can not learn the loftier skills, lessons and qualities of intuition, compassion, love and oneness if one remains in the "ME" stage for gratification. The "Me" stage is a KEY to salvation. It is NOT salvation. It is merely a tool to re-member the multi-facets in the human 3 dimensional interface. (I will leave it right there before I spiral too much out of control on this.)

Whatever I enjoy, or whatever I find distasteful is always felt without too much blame on other people. I know that when I am offended, a person has merely said something which I have thought of about myself, and that my offense is based on their words confirming these negative thoughts about myself. Similarly, I know that when I enjoy and feel pleased about people's words toward me, it is usually something I have already thought of regarding the self, and their words have merely validated what I already thought about myself. If someone says something about me which I have never contemplated, it is usually greeted with a blank stare and wonder of its validity because it has nothing to trigger, positively or negatively.

When something affects us negatively, most people react defensively and either send back the negativity to the sender, or some defend themselves by not retaliating if their opponent, or they won't retaliate due to just being fearful, without even knowing if their opponent is more powerful than they. One thing us warriors know is that, you never go into a battle if you're going to lose. You go in it to win it, or you die trying. If death is not desirable, then one needs to know their enemy. Therefore, the defensive move of striking immediately after someone strikes you, is quite idiotic because you might hit back at someone who was hoping you would hit back because they have studied you in order to use your impulsiveness against you.

The best way to handle an opponent is to NEVER strike until you know their strengths and weaknesses. Also, you NEVER strike until you have planned your move, never strike until you have made sure that you ARE more powerful than your opponent, and you never strike until their demise is certain. Otherwise, go back to the drawing board and study your enemy, train yourself and your troops and perfect  your plan. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I turn the other cheek. This is why you should turn the other cheek, in order to retreat, go back to your resources and see how to finish your enemy off. So, as you can see, it is a lot about knowing oneself and one's resources, capabilities and weakness which strengthens a person against the challenges, the enemies, that life throws at them.

The enemy can be anything. It can be a human, it can be society, it can be some sort of mentality which a group of people possess, and it can even be an organization. If you plan to overcome, you had better know yourself. You NEVER go in half-cocked with an ego into battle. NEVER! You need to be your own worst critic and your worst enemy in order to defeat your worst critic and your worst enemy. 

Therefore, exercise the following:

  1. Always approach any human with humility, reverence and respect. You don't know who they are. Until you do, deem yourself to be in the presence of godliness, love and power because you might just be in the presence of such.
  2. Do not speak badly about other people to someone you don't know. Be factual. Be honest. Be neutral in your information. Be objective. The reason being, you could be speaking to his/her best friend, lover, friend, etc. I'm not saying lie. If it is negative what you have to say, speak of facts and don't dwell on it. Keep it moving.
  3. Do NOT try to show a stranger how much you have, how much you know, who you know, where you've been, etc. Do not volunteer information. Give information, including advice when solicited. If you have advice to give, ask if it is welcome and keep it brief. Don't get high on the energy the listener is giving you and act pompous. 

If you do not care to observe these points, and prefer to act rashly and foolishly, be prepared to get your ass kicked. If your ass isn't kicked right there and then, you're unlucky because it will occur when you least expect because there are people out there who are calculative. These people will sit for a while devising a plan to chastise fools who go into things half-cocked. 

I have always tried to suppress the side of me that is vengeful because I think it is a side that is primitive. For all the pain and annoyances that have been inflicted on me, I truly do not want to do the same to others. I literally dislike making other people feel pain. BUT... there are times when one has to stop abuse from another in self-defense, but in essence, murder is still murder even in self-defense to me. I have always been presented with such situations. I always walk away, and try to meditate on my heart fostering some sort of forgiveness and healing. Somehow, I never quite heal until I have avenged myself directly or indirectly. It makes me feel more ape than human, honestly, that I have to see my enemies chastised, either by them humbling themselves to me, or by me humbling them through my actions. 

I have much darkness in me.I can't suppress it though. If someone has triggered my innate darkness within me, it must run its course. And so it shall be. My only hope in such cases is boredom. The only thing that takes my eyes off the enemy is being bored of them. Then, in such cases, I can move on because they no longer trigger my darkness. 

But, as Nas said, "some beef is everlasting."

When I encounter darkness from people, I don't think I attracted it because I am dark or evil. If I attract darkness from another, I take it as an opportunity to validate who I am. In a case of being attacked by another, I have to ask myself "Am I peaceful because if I am, I would walk away?" or "Am I a coward, because if I am, I would walk away?" or "Am I not to be not to be messed with because someone has messed with me, and if I walk away, can I still say that I can't be messed with?" In order to define myself as something, I have to act it. In case of being treated with cruelty, WHO AM I and what am I going to do TO BE WHO I AM in this scenario?

Every act is an act of self-definition. You can't say you are brave yet act like a coward. So, according to WHO I AM, I must act accordingly, and so should all of us. First, we think before we act.

Love, WAR and Power.

P.S. In my name "Veronnica Wolpendz" you can spell out the words, "Love, Peace and Power", hence I use that as my signature. But, alas, you can also spell out the words , WAR, WEAPON and last but not least, you can spell out WINNER. 

The "NO", "NOT" or "NOR" in a name, in the art of lexigramming, means that whatever the person is accused of, the answer will be "NO". You can read up on lexigrams. If in the name one can spell out the word "YES", that person will be accused and deemed as accused.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

To My Loved Ones



Above is a song called "Hold On" by Pharoahe Monch ft Erykah Badu. This song helped me hold on. You can play it while reading the blog if you like. Enjoy xox

Dearest Reader,

I am still in denial that I actually exist in such a dark, twisted and evil world. I am not in harmony with this world. I try to make it bearable by squeezing some joy out of a dry rock of pain and suffering, and although possible, it takes quite a bit of discipline and energy to do so.

I don’t understand why I am living in a world like this. I don’t understand why I am in the same realm as people who are killing for sport, killing for money, killing for food, killing for power, killing, killing, killing, killing… I don’t understand why I am here, and I don’t know if I am supposed to help change this place, or whether it is even possible to change this place. The Earth is perverted, and it has never been clearer than these last few years since the bombing of the Twin Towers. For others, the horrors begun before that, but for me, this was the first time when I could no longer pretend that this world is as it should be.

This realm is becoming darker and darker, and with each moment, I feel more out of place than before. Due to the darkness that is increasing, I am even more intent on doing the opposite and bring some light and joy into this place. I do that through my music, and yeah, as was highlighted to me recently, I am not very talented, I lack that spark, and I am flat which I assume means that I am boring and have nothing different to offer the world, but what I lack in flash, I make up in heart and love. I really love making music and it has little to do with a music career, even though I do desire a music career. I realize that music is a conduit through which I can bring some light into this dark realm and I take that very seriously because I feel that it is my purpose to sooth frazzled minds. As I did on the day I started my music career, I still make music for people to feel soothed, inspired and emotional. I desire that through my music, buried noxious energies can be released so that lighter moods can be experienced through being unburdened of pains.


Why not just slot in a picture of myself too? :)
As I write this, there is a famine in Somalia, civil wars all over Africa, corruption in every corner of the earth and of course, there are natural disasters making humans unsettled and scared. As I write this, 10 women have been raped, abused by their partners and thousands of people have lost a loved one through murder, war, hunger disease or through estrangement caused by pain. The world is in a tumultuous state of mind and being, states of mind that I have been through. So, my songs are all about me saying, “Me too, but don’t lose hope, things get better.” I am in the middle of recording my EP and playing these songs is taking me back to the times I wrote them. I wrote them to comfort myself and as a pick me up, I wrote them to express my anger, longing, hopes and desires, and I can only hope that these songs can help you do the same.

It has taken me a long time to get to this place where I can say that I am recording this material and that I am not letting anything stop me. I am tired of feeling helpless because I was hoping for help. I am tired of waiting for my break. I have grown to realize that I create my own break.

I am a lucky person, but I don’t get handouts. I am not lucky in that sense. I am lucky in a sense that I have people who DO believe that I have something special to offer, people who are spending their time and money on me without getting in return so that I can complete this project. I am lucky because there is a group of people who have foresight to actually see this uncut diamond and see its potential. I am lucky to have people who are willing to fight with me against the resistance I receive, people who tell me each day that I am special and that a lot of people don’t know what to do with me, but they are willing to try to do something with my product.

I am lucky to be surrounded by visionaries, not followers, because I am no follower either. These people are my angels, my rocks and my inspiration. They will not jump on the bandwagon when suddenly people catch on to what I have to offer to the world. No, these people will say, we were there when she was starting out, and we believe in her. I am lucky in that sense that I am surrounded by a kick ass soul group who are there for me while I am “nothing”. Thank you Lungelo and your team, Ella and your family, Ntokozo and your team and family, Darryl, Heather, Carrie, Tasneem, Asha, Safiyah, Michelle, Pamela, Lara, Steve Brown, Darius, Amanda, Karel, and Lexx for being there when I was dealing with my insecurities, fears, and loss.

You guys didn’t run off when it got tough. You didn’t run off when I lost my mind and when I doubted myself. Instead, you stuck around, held my hand until I am here where I can stand up straight. Instead you showed me who I am when I couldn’t see who I was. You stayed up late with me and listened to my whining and complexes. You gave me support that actually helped me grow. You helped me evolve and you empowered me to be the person I have always wanted to be, i.e. a strong woman with love in her heart to do the impossible.

Yes, what I am most grateful for is that you saw my potential and you stuck around regardless of how impossible I am and how impossible it was. I love you a lot. I love you more than you could ever know. I am thankful to you for the hope that you have given me. I know that you do not do the things you do for any repayment, but I am working so hard now so that I can repay you by investing in you as much as you invested in me. You are my inner circle, people who have seen me weak and strong, down and up. Not the good times people that only want to hang out when I am beautiful, capable and “fun”, but people who stay when I am ugly, lost and a nobody.

Awesome Crop Circle. (random)
I suppose, for the darkness that is this realm, there are these beacons of light that make this place bearable. For the last few days, I have been having this phrase in my head, “There are two types of people, those who create smiles and those who create frowns. Which one are you?” and I don’t know why this phrase keeps playing like a broken record in my head, but it feels like it is a time for many of us to choose which we are. I choose to create smiles. I know that when people actually listen to my music, they get moved from deep somewhere inside of them. This is worth fighting for. This is worth getting it recorded and shared with the world.

I have a Messiah Complex about my music, and yes, I do believe that it is more than just music. I believe that I am channeling these sounds from somewhere high up there, to bring it down here, to soothe, heal, relax and inspire thought in my brethren. Maybe these are my delusions; but maybe this is really what my music is meant to be. I don’t know, to be honest, but I CHOOSE for it to be an instrument to make people feel because many of us are numb, closed off and distant on Earth.  We are disconnected.

Thank you for reading. Good Bye. Bless you for all that you have blessed me with.*the grammar is a shocker*

P.S. My inner circle is still growing so if I left you out, it is probably because you’re on the fence, LMAO! You need to commit to me, dammit! There are NO grey areas with me, remember? I am an all or nothing girl, I hate shallow behavior and I can’t stand people who can’t see my soul because I always see theirs. So, until you see me…

P. P. S. I LOVE Pharoahe Monch like a maniac! Yes, random but true!

Love, Peace and Power!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Hello World. Thank You World

Thank You World
Hello There,

Thank you for reading my blog guys. *mwah*

In no particular order, I would like to thank Brazil, RSA, Germany, United Kingdom, Argentina, Israel, Croatia, USA, South Korea, Armenia, Vietnam, Canada, Switzerland, France, Ghana, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Australia, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Tunisia, Spain, Kenya, Yemen, Colombia, Ukraine, Pakistan, India, Philippines, Ecuador, Malaysia, Russia, Italy, Burma, Morocco and all the other countries which my software doesn't pick up because there aren't enough readers to show.

I love you all. And, some of you shall see me very soon, and not for a social visit either. Yes, you will see me for work, i.e. song, dance and for love of music. Good times are ahead guys. Yes, I lose my cool, Naomi Campbell style, once in a while. Do you know why? I am human, an artistic and a dramatic one at that. Thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for listening to my music. Thank you for being here with me instead of elsewhere. I appreciate you.

I am busy in studio currently, making new tracks. I can't wait for you guys to hear how I have grown as an artist. Quitting smoking was the best thing I ever did for my voice. It was once weak and now it is not so. It was once meek and now it is no longer so. Heck, I didn't even know that I can still sing the way I do now. Okay, Okay, I seem to be setting it up a bit too much, but I am just sincerely grateful, that is all.

Another thing that you must note, my friends of the world. I am an emotional, passionate and intense individual. Without this combination of qualities, I would not be able to write the music I do. With sensitivity comes much strife, but with that strife comes a lot of beauty because I get the opportunity to hear, see and feel things that most hardened people can't feel.

There WILL be more hissy fits, but as someone advised me tonight, I shall have music accompany these hissy fits and put them in a musical and artistic context. On that note.... Here is a never heard before sound clip from years ago. I wrote this song (instrumental) when I was feeling deep emotions. I won't tell you whether it was positive or negative emotion. I'll let you decide. So, as a thank you present, I shall share this instrumental of mine.

  song by Veronnica Wolpendz 

*If any musician wants it, they can buy it.* <------- gotta add a sales pitch somewhere, right? :)

Okay, later dears.

Veronnica Wolpendz is in puppy love with ya.
I am thankful for so much today, because of you and your input, support and presence.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Silence is Golden


*Blog post written Tuesday, 26th July2011.*
Dear Reader,
A lot of things have been frustrating me lately, one of which is speaking. So, I have decided to shut up. Speaking has reaped results which I find undesirable. I am now paying for my sins, and I have a feeling that this very post will make me pay some more, but so be it! I am an anarchist at heart, so let it rip!
I know, if you have just recently started reading my blog, and when I say recently, I mean this year, or if you have just recently been exposed to me on twitter, or on Facebook, or wherever, you would think I talk a whole lot, huh? Well, that’s half true. I speak a lot when I am really comfortable or really nervous, otherwise I am silent, or I speak when I have something substantial to say. Lately, I’ve just been really comfortable, so much so that I thought I would let you guys know the other side of my personality, the not so serious, not so brooding, not so profound, not so wise, not so preachy side of my personality, because my desire is to be known as who I AM and I can’t do that if I don’t share who I am, can I?.
It would seem, though, that my desires and yours are at odds. So, I am going to keep quiet now because I hate explaining myself about unintelligent, meaningless shit!
For starters, is this Sizwe Dhlomo the only guy I have ever spoken about in this manner or it is just that you people decided to just not use any sort of perspective and just latch on whatever it is that made it possible for you to make my life difficult? I don’t remember getting this shit when I wrote that blog about Leonardo Di Caprio being my lover. In fact, when I wrote that one, it was taken the way it was meant to be taken and we laughed together and moved on. Maybe it is because the South Africans that are reading my blog assume that if I speak about Leo Di Caprio it is a joke, but when I speak about Sizwe Dhlomo, it isn’t? Is that it? I didn’t get this shit for joking around about Trey Songz who, for your information, you ignorant little twats, ranks the same in the hot-o-meter as Sizwe Dhlomo, but Trey Songz was last year, I treated Trey the same way as Sizwe Dhlomo, but did I get this rubbish? No! Also, I tweeted dear sexy Trey all the time and no one had issues with it, so why this guy?
Secondly, is my talk about the afterlife, about Sci-fi principles such as teleportation, about reincarnation and about the soul a new thing for me to discuss, or y’all just have a tight wad in your pants making you less able to see humor when it hits you? Just because I speak of teleportation doesn’t mean I can bloody teleport. I mean… REALLY? Are you guys fucking kidding me? No, I have not spoken to aliens as far as I am concerned. Forgive me for loving Science Fiction, and I am sorry for having an imagination! Jesus! What is up with you people? You people have got to chill! And, please don’t come to me now being offended about you concluding that I don’t believe in aliens, okay? I have not experienced aliens. That’s a fact. If you have been having rendezvous with galactic beings, good for you. If I like science fiction, and if my musings usually have galactic, and lost civilization themes to them, how does that translate to me having an audience with aliens? Huh? How does writing a blog about imagining a scenario about my afterlife translate to me being an interplanetary traveler in this current incarnation? You guys are idiots. I’m not being nice, but you guys asked for it! And trust me, I am holding myself back.
Lastly, but certainly not least, is talking about sex taboo? Am I neutered? Am I not a sexual being? When did speaking about sex make me a sex fiend? And, the last time I checked, I didn’t even speak about it in a perverse way. So, where did this thing of making me sound like a sexual deviant happen? Okay, my mind is often in the gutter, but not in a disgusting way, okay. Just because I am not ashamed of being a sexual being doesn’t mean I want to have sex with anything that moves, alright? And, is talking about relationships something strange for you? Does occasionally talking about relationships mean that I am having them left, right and center? Even when I write that I am often a lone wolf, you think I am lying about that because if you’re single you’re supposed to be bitter about men, love and sex, right? You can’t be single and happy, no! And, please, shut it with that, “How can a pretty girl like you be single” and not be a village harlot, bull, you mean? What's your fucking point?
Also, if you’re speaking about sex, it means you’re a sex addict and therefore I must be buying gigolos to pounce on. I can’t JUST talk about anything without actually doing it, eh? Or, I am supposed to write about how disgruntled I am about sex, not how wonderful sex is, because it can’t be wonderful if I am not doing it? What is wrong with you people’s abilities to reason logically? A woman can’t talk about sex and have it be normal and healthy. That’s for men. Men are hot-blooded! So, they can talk about sex. When a woman speaks about sex, she must be a tramp, a whore, or a nymphomaniac. Right? Women are supposed to be silent about sexuality because we have these things between our legs but we don’t know what they are for, right? Sorry, I missed the memo!
What is the issue here? Am I shattering your expectations of who I am to you by discussing these things, by being silly, sexual, and imaginative and twisted; by being myself? I don’t know if the people bitching and moaning, judging and questioning, feeling embarrassed and offended about my subject matter this year, are people who have been reading my blog for long. My blog began in 2007, on MySpace. Then in 2008, I deleted all the things I had written in 2007 for reasons I’ll not divulge. Then in 2009 or 2010 I migrated to blogspot. During all this time, I have written about anything and everything. I have written about my silly celebrity crushes which mean fuckall, I have written about sex but never in a humorous way, I admit. Yeah, the difference between then and this year is that I have been writing these blogs the way I usually speak, the way I AM often, the way I often think, and I guess you aren’t happy with that, eh? You would rather I sound like some superhuman guru all the time, teaching you and sharing things that have been revealed to me, but only if it doesn’t make me seem human, right? Because wisdom can’t come from a human, right? It must come from deity or a guru? I must just be Nefertiti incarnate all the time, right? Forget about the fact that I am still in my 20s and practically a child?
Now, listen carefully and this isn’t a joke…
If I hear another person ask me if I believe in aliens, I am going to blow a gasket. I swear on your mother I will fuck you up! If I hear another person question me about Sizwe Dhlomo and my feelings for him, I am going to lose it, even if you are joking with me after reading this, I will still lose it! I’m going to bring out the Shaka Zulu that courses through my veins and discipline your ass! If one more person tells me how much I love sex with a dirty look on their faces, or if one more person asks me stupid questions about things that were clearly jokes and frivolous, I will lose it! You will get bitch slapped one way or another, by my words or my hand, but you will not get away with it. 
A lot of people have never seen me angry because I try to spare people from that, because when I am angry, it is like a resounding roar of an angry Neanderthal compared to your usual little whimpers, and I don’t want to scare you because it will soon pass and the damage I do with my anger fully expressed usually lasts for life, even though the anger subsides as soon as it came.  Yes, you will hate me after I’ve dealt with you. Also, not many have seen me angry because I am not quick to anger. Not much angers me really, apart from stupidity and manipulation! In this case, the culprit is stupidity! This was a joke, but now it has become a sensitive issue, okay? I have no qualms about retaliating. I’m prepared for the next fool to say dumb crap to me and I’m looking forward to it. The fool though, poor you because you will pay for all the other fools who got away with speaking to me about idiocy!
At first, I thought it was a joke that I am being questioned about these blogs. I laughed it off as silliness, or maybe I thought people must be joking because they couldn’t have taken me seriously, could they? Some didn't of course, and after getting clarity left it alone, but some idiots still get at me about this nonsense.  Maybe stupid people are reading this blog now. *shrug*Maybe my words have more weight than I thought. I’m confounded in the most perplexing way. And, the final straw came to me on Sunday, when a fool spoke and it dawned to me that I need to be silent and not communicate if people are reacting so strangely over nothing! Also, because I am tired of explaining the same shit over and over.
Anyway, no worries. Although I love to have fun, and I love to laugh, although I wish I could be understood the way I intend to be understood, I will not make people feel uncomfortable. These questions are coming as criticism, you see…  As me making a spectacle of myself; people being embarrassed for me, or as concern over me and my state of mind, some of these bastards are even bringing God in the mix, like “this is not very Christian of you…” Errr, excuuuuuse me? Yes, I have had it with Christians saying I am a bad seed, but that has been going on for years and I am used to it now.
So, I will simply not blog when I am in a silly mood. Happy? I wouldn’t want to make you feel discomfort. I guess, I can’t fathom what people find embarrassing in this world. What is embarrassing about speaking about ones imagination? What is embarrassing about giving someone a compliment about their looks? What is embarrassing about sex? *sigh*I wouldn’t be surprised if even he, Sizwe Dhlomo believes I really want to marry him, by the way things are going. The fact is: he is a nice looking guy (WHO I HAVE NEVER MET *Good Lord*), I do think of other planets, galaxies and aliens, and I do think about sex. I am not saying that these things didn’t happen. I am saying that they are not serious things. I imagine myself flying all the time; it doesn’t mean that I believe I can fly. i ain't R Kelly! Whatever! If you don’t get it, you don’t get it. What pisses me off most are those that speak about it amongst themselves for a while, until the brave prick amongst them finally gets the courage to ask, asking not to get an answer, but asking to highlight that they disapprove. Thanks for taking the fun away from my silliness, or you just don't like seeing people enjoy themselves?
I will tweet when I have serious matters to speak of, and I will blog when I have serious things to share. Silly season is over for you! I will retain my silly personality for those close to me, those who understand that silliness and wisdom can come from one individual, and those who don’t take things so gravely! Then, when people who know me say that I am funny, silly, eccentric, animated, outspoken, and when people say that I am laid-back, and don’t take much seriously other than my career; when they tell you that I am always laughing, always smiling, always just taking it easy  – please don’t ask me why you’ve never seen this side of me because I’m always quiet with you. Okay? Instead, ask yourself why you've never seen this side of me. Hint: you're judgmental.
Good!
Forgive me, but put yourself in my shoes, for a second, here and tell me if you’d appreciate people asking you questions about 1 day’s blog post over and over for months, and when you tell them the truthful answer to that question, they turn around and claim to know better than you. That is just annoying. I mean, I am a grown ass woman and to have people asking me about extra-terrestrials is not something I can take well. And when I say it is merely my musings, the person says I am lying, that it sounded too realistic and too true to just be something I made up. Wait, a minute, so is it me that believes in aliens from Saturn or you, because you seem to think it is more real than I do at this moment?
SMH.
I’ve had it! I like messing around, sure, but this doesn’t mean that I like having dense conversations. Just because I have a sense of humor doesn’t mean that I enjoy having hillbilly conversations where I have to speak slowly and repeat myself in order to be understood.
I am not blaming anyone about this. It is my entire fault. Lesson learned! I was stupid and na├»ve enough to actually think that you would like to know the full scope of my personality. I was foolish enough to think that I could say whatever I like and not pay for exercising that freedom. It is not the governments that take our freedom away. It is you, that enforce this tyranny! But, let me warn you, I don’t always feel like talking about philosophical and profound things, even though I think in those terms on an hourly basis. This means that blog posts are going to decrease. It also means that tweets will decrease. And if you bitch about that too, you can go fuck yourself because you obviously don’t know what you want.
Oh, and yes, I am swearing extra hard on this one because some chump recently had the audacity to tell me to speak like a lady. You fucking idiot! I bet you have never heard me cuss, because you don’t know me, because if you have actually heard me speak, you’d be surprised at how little I cuss compared to when I write. I contemplate things in obscenities; I don’t speak in them often, so go fuck yourself for telling me to stop swearing as if your opinion mattered. And, private messaging was recently deactivated on my blog, and now I am not likely to read your messages from Facebook/MySpace unless I know you because you find me there to harass me. Why you can’t comment on the blog, or on the tweet in question, is a mystery. Anyway, I’ve cleaned up my twitter to make sure none of this crap happens again.
Okay, now I go silent. I am going to make music now and forget about y’all. Honestly!
One more thing, the questions I asked in this post are rhetorical. I would hate to limit your personal freedom to respond to them, but I would prefer if you didn’t respond to rhetorical questions, mkay? If you insist on answering, please don’t expect me to be civil if you spew thick hogwash to me, aight? If I even respond! Do, I sound like an asshole in this blog post? Well, I’ve BEEN telling you that I can be an asshole, so if any of this surprises you, it would seem that the only thing I was actually serious about, you took for a joke.
Adios!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I'm so Demotivated! I Think I Quit!

Dear Reader,

Yeah, I am living in very dreary, dark times since this weekend. All I thought I knew has just been wiped out, wiped off, and it is all gone to hell! Now, I know nothing. I think I am about to sabotage myself... AGAIN, or maybe I am about to do the right thing?. I don't even know what I'm going to do. Imagine how scary it is to not even know what YOU are going to do next, yourself. Based on self-observation I can't even deduce by past actions what I am going to do next because I am erratic. So... SMH. *sigh*.

The truth is that I am afraid. It doesn't happen often. It happens maybe once in two years, but when it does, FUCK ME, it descends like a ton of bricks! Unfortunately, I have to let the fear run its course now since it is already here; since I didn't prevent it from taking over me. I am afraid of failure and success simultaneously. It is a right fucking mess, I tell ya!Yes, right now, I think I should quit the music business because recent events, small things that have become one big, fat, omen have been telling me that this is not going to happen for me in this lifetime. I am not going to make it! I have never contemplated giving up my music career and meant it as I do now, just keep that in mind, so this is big!

I am feeling the strangest feeling ever! I feel like I've lost my mind a little. Maybe I have. Events that occur in my life can be interpreted as a sign to go on, or as a sign to give up. The only thing that could help me interpret the data I have received from recent events would be to know what I desire and stick to it, but since this weekend, (or last week, I don't know) I am not sure what it is that I want because I am getting so much resistance to achieve this and get what I believe I wanted that I am now in doubt about ever wanting it in the first place. If it is good, and if it is meant to be, why is it fighting me? If I am good, if I am worthy of a career in music, why don't things fall into place? Why do I have to be always fighting? I am tired! I am weary! And, today I can't take it!

I literally can't breathe right now, I am so overwhelmed. My first reaction is to curl up into a fetal position and sob.The latter is already underway, so I just need to stop typing and do the curling up thing now! Maybe I need a pity party for a few days.Maybe I am just exhausted and panicked. Maybe I need to sleep. Maybe I need food (I am not eating carbs because I am on a mission to lose weight for a music video). Or, maybe I need to put this music thing behind me because it is either I am not good enough. Or I must just put it behind me because I am not strong enough. Or maybe I must put it behind me because I am not made for it.

Hey, I said on the blurb at the top of this page that this blog is about my journey as a musician. This is it! I get days like these every few years. Before I would write something peppy and motivational to myself after I have cried and beat myself to a pulp about it, but today, I just feel like writing exactly what I am feeling right now. I literally try to make some sort of break through in my career on a daily bases. I never stop searching, trying, asking for help, a chance, some sort of upward movement, and for the past five years, all I have been receiving is one disappointment after another.

I am just pissed that little things keep getting in my way and delaying my shit! I am one of those people who are always on time, who reach their targets, and surpass what's required of them. I am an over-achiever.I guess... Here is the thing... I am about to record the rest of my songs. Or I was about to before today when I am deciding to just quit it all. Thereafter I was to shoot a music video. All is just waiting for me to do. Thereafter I am getting the songs on Internet stores as usual. But... Then what? Then what when that is done? Still, no one wants to book me. No one cares to have me play at their establishments, so Then what???

The country I am from doesn't know or care about my music. Even this blog will mostly be read by Americans, the Middle Eastern, Europeans and Asians. The last time I tried to get a gig at an establishment, they said they didn't know what night to have me perform because my genre was confusing! They said that I was good, but that didn't matter, did it? It doesn't matter how good I might be. (Or, they were lying and I suck and they just said I was good to pacify me.) What mattered was that I had no genre. I waited to hear if they could slot me somewhere. They eventually didn't. Maybe I just don't fit in, but shit I am not changing my music to fit anyone! It comes to me this way, and I shall express it the way it came. I am not a singer who just sings songs. I tell stories through sound to evoke emotions and my music gods don't give it to me in Afro-pop! I get it in this nameless genre I sing it in. So, maybe that's why I won't succeed. I am different and I refuse to change, so I might as well give up now before it is too late to do something else because they won't like get in anyway.My plight is pointless!

Even though I still won't do it, I often ask myself if it would have been easier if I slept with him (him being: the person who could've given me a break, the tons of them who lost interest in me even after they said I was talented; lost interest in me because I wasn't giving up the desired return on investment..I am not saying this is what happened. I am saying that I wonder if this is what happened.

So, now I wonder, if I should cancel it all since life seems to be delaying it anyway and just forget the recordings I am about to do in a few days, which have now become a few weeks due to delays. Should I just go to the kitchen and eat a piece of cake right now because I am going to cancel the music video? What's the point of doing all of this if it is not going to get me anywhere? Because I love it? No! I love making music, and that will never stop. I don't particularly love recording and I especially don't like being in video shoots. I will never stop playing my guitar and creating music, but maybe I should stop making it a career now. I failed. Well, I would have failed if I stop now for sure.

Fuck it! I don't know what I have written, but the point is, I am confused, scared, and I am about to give up being a musician because I am not getting anywhere. Yeah. I don't see the point bending my back backwards, recording songs as if my life depends on it when recording it will be pointless. So, I might as well carry on doing what I used to do, i.e. play my music as a hobby. So, now I gotta go find a job or something!

That is all! I am so depressed by this weekend, July, and just how it all turned out. I truly am done! This is according to how I feel today.

Peace!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Love, Fear and a stupid Pic!

Irrelevant picture of me and my friends. We looked high! Meheheh!
Dearest Reader,

I am sick of people telling me that they love me when they don't act it. I am a typical woman in many ways, I am sure, but I don't live in la-la-land where I assume that I can read people's minds. I will never assume that you love me, or hate me, if you don't act like it, or if I don't feel it. Excuse my cynicism, but get the fuck outa here! You don't love me and no, I have not been hardened by past heartbreak to not believe love when I see it. I have plenty of love in my life to see it from a distance, so don't try that psycho-babble with me. Really? And, I don't hate you, FFS! Does it mean that I hate everyone I am not romantically involved with, because it would seem that this is your reasoning, if you think that I don't want to be with you because I hate you..

I have had it with people making their problems mine; the problems being: their bad sense of judgment. How is it any of my doing that you chose to do the things you did? And, please, may people cease from saying I am not forgiving just because I won't do what they like. I have forgiven you plenty, but that doesn't mean that I want us to be best chums now. Besides, there was nothing to forgive in the first place. If I incurred any pain, it was due to *ME* allowing it, so really, I have nothing against anyone. I know I have my asshole tendencies, because I have a big mouth, especially toward people who puff themselves up with lies, but other than that, I am a pacifist. I ain't got no beef, so much so that I am literally a vegetarian. Hence, when people come to me, with THEIR feelings of regret, stupidity, and God knows what else they are feeling, and try to pin it on me, I generally get a bit ticked off. So, on that note, let us talk about love and relationships, and the people who abuse them..

Maybe I speak from ignorance or maybe I speak from lack of experience with this phenomenon, but I don't believe in soul-mates, or The One, or Mr. Right, only for the mere fact that there are tons of soul-mates, The Ones and Mr. Rights roaming the earth. Love, although spiritual and ethereal, is quite practical. Love is limitless, so why on earth only would it decide to limit itself? This means that you can't lose love, okay? Remember that, memorize that, but don't forget it because knowing that will make you more relaxed.

Humans are merely catalysts to activate love within YOU, not to give you love. Then, as humans we decide (yes, we choose) what we want to do about the love that has been activated within. Do we feel it on our own from a distance (my favorite method because it has less admin.), do we feel it by having the catalyst in our immediate space and as part of our lives, or do we feel the love activation on our own under duress? Yes, all forms of love, good or painful are unfortunately, OUR CHOICES.

A lot of humans give us the opportunity to activate our heart chakra (fall in love), and it is all nice and good until some idiot decides to be afraid, and ends all things. Yes, the honeymoon period of relationships is merely a time where people aren't afraid to be with each other, or a time when they are not afraid of the consequences of being with each other. Once they start being afraid, thinking about the friggen future, or the past, then Love bows out gracefully because love is too elegant and refined to share the same space as fear. At this stage of a relationship, when fear reigns, people start acting out passively or aggressively. Some go out of the union to find the feeling of love elsewhere and do it "secretly" then get caught (on purpose subconsciously, I am sure), some withdraw and become frigid distant, and some just become really scarce and disappear on perpetual business trips. All this because they weren't able to keep love because they accepted fear instead.

When I speak of fear, what do I speak of? Well, letting fear in, as I said above, is thinking of the future or the past, and not living in the now. If people left the future and the past alone, they would never have messy break-ups, or heartbreak, or all the things which come with "love gone wrong". The fact of the matter is: love can not go wrong, and that love can not be lost. What goes wrong is US humans.Love merely changes "hosts" or catalysts. So, there is no reason to panic about people leaving, or people changing their minds etc. They are allowed to, and if you have any love in you, you would realize that it is great that they leave when they want, or change their minds about you when they do because they are being loving and honest with themselves. They are not avoiding their own truth, hurting themselves through obligations and guilt. So, let them go and wish them a "bon voyage". And that is where it should end, with mournful yet peaceful goodbyes of a good friend leaving, but NO. First they part ways like immature little brats, leaving with a BANG, I suppose, but then, they come back. They come back like a bad rash, and they come with demands too. They return with all sorts of fearful and unhealthy energy. Garbage which I can not take or entertain.

(I never go back because I never leave unless I am sure. I don't play around with my happiness.)

For starters, no one forced you to leave. OR... No one forced you to deny your love for me, OR if you had enough sense to not deny your love for me, no one forced you to do nothing about it. Yea, that's right! No one said that you mustn't get to know me. No one said that you must judge me by my actions, words, body, skin, popularity or lack of, my wealth, my family, my background, or by my depth. Whatever you chose to do about me, you did it YOURSELF. It would be a different story if I was consulted about it and I had input in your decisions but I wasn't.

So, now, weeks, months or years have gone by. I don't know what happened to you during your absence, but you have realized that my actions, my words, my body, my popularity or lack of, my wealth or lack of, my family, my background or my depth are suddenly alright for you now?? Maybe because my body has changed, or my words are now listened to, or my actions are now admired, and because my depth is now accepted by society, or my family is different, or my background has become cool: now you think I am now "worthy"? Do I have stupid written all over my face? OR, worse, once everything ceases to go the way you wanted in your life, you come back knocking on my door, to check if I might make it right? Or.., wait for it... NOW you have everything sorted in your life and you have acquired all you desire, and so you decide to come to me, your last trophy to collect. Is that so? Oh, really? And, claim that you are back here because you love me? Fuck OFF! ...and I say that in the nicest way possible. Sorry, I am just not buying it! And, sadly, I don't care any longer because I don't get attached to humans. I choose to share my life with them and so I have chosen against sharing my life with you since your departure. Unlike you, if I love something, I nurture it. How the heck does one nurture something from afar? You can't!

To nurture something, you need to spend time with it, and grow with it. To nurture something, you need to pour some energy into it, and the last time I checked, I wasn't being nurtured so I am not feeling loved by you, and I am not going to be with someone who loves me less than I love myself. It's not my fault I have a high self-worth. It is true. I nurture myself daily, and choose to have nurturing energy around me. So, anyway,...

When we connected, when we found each other attractive, or when we fell in love, whatever you want to call it, I took it serioualy, as in, I did not deny, resist or avoid it, no matter how much you weren't my type then, no matter how much it shook me, no matter how much it would have been an effort for me to make it work. I know that perspectives change and that people change. I know that external or worldly factors can change in a blink of an eye. It is easy to change one's physical or material world, (or even mentality, hence I've been drawn to assholes who weren't the assholes people said they were, or who didn't act like assholes to me.). What is rare is actually falling in love with someone who is in a position in life where they are willing to try and build a life with you. You can fall in love tons of times, but most times it is with people who are not willing to try to be your companion due to being married, due to being a different sexual orientation (yeah, 'happens all the time) or due to being on death row! There are so many factors that prevent people who are in love with one another to be with each other, things that are out of their hands. So, if you're going to let things that CAN change, like mentality or physicality, get in the way of experiencing love, then you're on your own, mate! Honestly, I can't help you.

If/when I fall in love with you, or if I even desire to spend time with you, regardless of how illogical, nonsensical and odd it is, I will do it. I will let myself be guided by my heart because my heart knows best; my heart guides me in a way that minimizes regret. You see, what if your heart knew that the mate you seek is the one you love, but because *SHE* required a mate who could grow with her, you had to find her in a place where she wasn't fully actualized because this was the only way she could trust you? What if you found her fat or on crutches, so she could say, "He loved me regardless of how I looked?" or what if you found her at her worst so that she could say, "He was there when no one was, and because of that I will forever be loyal, grateful and I shall spend my whole life showing him how much I appreciate him?"

Men! (and women!) You lack so much foresight! I am not saying that you should be with people who you don't have feelings for. I am saying that when there is love, chemistry and feelings, screw everything else. Just do it until you can't do it any more.When love is there, things tend to just work out! When love is there, people blossom and become extraordinary humans. Why do things blossom? They blossom because they are nurtured. All good things require time to become fruitful. People too. If you love someone, just be with them and only stop being with them when you don't love them anymore. Screw everything else, really!

You should be asking why I don't reunite with former loves if I loved them? Well, it is simple! Firstly, it is past tense, and secondly, I don't deal with quitters and I don't deal with people who are neglectful. That is all. I am incredibly attentive (unless I don't care). I listen, remember small details about people, and I make sure that I spread or exchange love, and make others feel wanted and happy. Also, if love is my fuel, I don't care how tough it is, I shall endure and keep on. I won't leave while I still love just because things are tough, or uncomfortable, or strange. Maybe it is due to this that I don't tolerate neglectful people.

And, no. I wouldn't stay in an abusive relationship because I find it hard to love people who hurt me. As a matter of fact, I can't love things or people that are not conducive to a healthy life. This doesn't mean I don't have disagreements. Disagreements are sometimes healthy for clearing out latent issues. What I mean is that I don't respect people who do not nurture me, themselves or us.

I choose to be with people, just as I choose not to be with them. What I can't choose is to love. That is not my jurisdiction. Once the universe has chosen another catalyst (human) to activate my heart chakra (fall in love with) because the former catalyst malfunctioned (became afraid), my hands are tied.

Lastly, I don't believe anyone loves me in a healthy way if I don't love them back. If feelings aren't mutual, it is usually something other than real love. This is not a fact. This is what I believe. Besides, you can feel it when someone loves you, even if they are miles away, even when they are thinking of you while miles away. Therefore I can certainly tell if someone in close proximity is sincere or just mistaken.

*sigh*

This is THEE most personal blog I have ever written. I write about my life, sure, and I do speak about myself, but never in this manner. My soul said I should write this. *LOL* Yes, I blame my insanity on my soul most times. *LMAO!* I had to speak. I was getting tired of this crap happening all the time. Now, I can just refer mofos to this blog. The minute I hear, "Hey, long time no hear..." I will stop them in mid-sentence and I will just give them this link. *LOL* On a serious note: I just hate repetitions.

Longest blog ever too, probably. I guess, whoever reads this will be meant to read it because I am sure that no one will read it after they see how long it it. Good!

Happy Tuesday,
Happy Week 28.
Happy July
Happy Life!!

Smooches,
Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Hair grease!