Wow! It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog. I have missed the ritualistic and therapeutic side of writing, and so, here I am again, ready to share what’s on my mind. I hope that I have something positive to share, but I am in a snarky mood, so don’t hold your breath awaiting positivity to come from me today.
Firstly, let’s begin with what I have been doing all this time. Well, I have been taking a friggin holiday, is what. I left the city of Johannesburg for months and went to the South Coast (a range of small holiday towns where I grew up). I spent more time with my family, which is something which I hadn’t done much of since I left home after high school. Of course, I did visit during my time in Johannesburg, but it was never quality time visits. Instead it was one of those rushed visits because I wanted and had to go back to the city, or I was there because I was recovering from something (I experienced a bit of health problems in the last two years which are now completely gone). Anyway, my point is that I was never back home for the right reasons, that being, to connect with my loved ones and to relax and have a good time.
Therefore, for the last few months, that’s exactly what I have been doing, having a good time, taking walks, spending time with my mother and having laughs with my sister. My favorite memory from my time at the South Coast was a day when my mother and I took some mats and cushions and sat outside, looking up at the clouds and making the other guess what the clouds looked like. Yes, I am 27 (turning 28 in a few days actually) and I was able to be a kid again these last few months, the best of which was just reconnecting with my mom. I am the quintessential mommy’s girl. My mother and I are very close, and it has never treated me well that I had neglected our relationship while I was chasing after my destiny.
I also spent more time at the beach. For those who grew up by the beach, you will know that we beach residents take the beach for granted. Well, not this time. I went to the beach more often than I would normally and I didn’t go there for a swim (black people and swimming… smh) but I went there to just sit and listen to the surf and absorb its powerful energy.
All the while, I was gaining more strength that I never knew I had. I also discovered that a person can pray more, meditate more, walk more, sleep more, cook more often and basically do more things that are beneficial to the self. I was, in other words, indulging in life, and it was time well spent.
During this time, I had to be selfish because people will demand your energy and time. But, I protested against such and concentrated on myself and my loved ones. Throughout this, I realized just how much I love life and just how much I can love. My heart opened up more than I ever thought possible and I have never felt such gratitude to have the honor of feeling such deep-seeded love.
But, that’s all over now. I am back in the city of Johannesburg and the energy of the place is starting to seep into my aura. Prosperous cities are very fear based. People are afraid to fail, people are afraid to lose, and some of those feelings have also slowly returned to me. Although I am better knowledgeable at how to protect myself from such feelings, it just takes a lot of energy and time to do so. I am literally dedicating most of my time into cleansing and energizing myself now, which I didn’t have to do much of when I was at the coast because there was no need to. Here, it is different. Almost everyone I meet here is afraid to be left behind, afraid to be a loser of sorts, and afraid to be a social outcast. Almost everyone I meet here is trying to be rich and famous, is trying to please their clients and their bosses, and a lot of that drive is based on fear of failure. So, you can imagine that I am coming in contact with people who over-compensate for these fears by being arrogant, cocky and just obnoxious and I feel outnumbered here, really. Of course, I have my moments of cockiness and arrogance due to fear but I wish everyone could just relax, but this city is not a place of relaxation, is it? If I want to relax, I must go back to the coast. So, unfortunately, I have also started to feel an irrational urgency about things, an urgency that is not too true to myself. In other words, I have started to be afraid again, a little, and it is sad.
With that said, do any of you know me as someone to shrink away just because I am feeling a little teensy weensy bit of fear? I don’t think so. So, I have a challenge now. My challenge is to strive to remain balanced, loving and powerfully true to my real self in this mad city of Johannesburg. That is my mission, indeed, because although the place’s energy is different from mine, I quite like Johannesburg. I love its freedom, its insanity and its hilarity. Honestly, although I am a reserved person who loves to be alone, I like Johannesburg because one can be in a crowd but they would still be alone. I know this doesn’t sound positive, but I like that level of detachment in things.
Well, that’s all I had to say, really. I have had a good time. The good times are slowly receding into the horizon and now I am in “hustle mode” again and I have work, career and the will to succeed in mind. Although I have this in mind, I want it to be balanced with tranquility, soulfulness and God. I don’t know if I will be able to find this balance, but I am looking forward in finding out.
I apologize if this blog isn’t up to scratch. I am still rusty. I thought I was in a snarky mood and would be sarcastic on this one, but I ended up being honest and being my boring self. Ha. Sorry for the false sale.
Well, that is all for now.
Have a Wonderful Weekend,
Veronnica Wolpendz loves you