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Friday, November 26, 2010

Sad, Disappoined, Pissed... All of it!

tears

Dear Reader,

I wish I had something to update to you on a daily basis but I am not that busy. Actually, without sounding too negative, I wish I had something to update to you on a monthly basis, but I am not that busy. I was planning on waiting until I have something good to report, but I think the year is going to close without good news. Yes, I sound a little defeated but this is a temporary state of being. When I wake up, I would have put this whole thing behind me and working on the future.

Okay, now you must be wondering what is going on because I have set it up quite well. It is painful for me to admit this. It really is. So, for the last few weeks I have merely been in denial about the reality of the situation, hoping that some miracle may appear to just fix everything, but I can’t dwell on something for that long, especially if it is denial of the truth.

I won’t be naming names to avoid defamation or libel, but I will just speak the truth. The manager that I was raving about a few weeks ago, the great old friend that had believed in me and my music, and the person who was going to work with me at going a step further, well… he has left me on the lurch and just disappeared. Actually, this sounds like a joke, and I am laughing as I write this because I am starting to realize what real bullshit this situation is. Yeah, he has gone AWOL and has vanished without a trace.

Anyway, I don’t know if he is dead or alive. His phone rings which suggests the latter, but he doesn’t pick up. (LOL) And all the while I have been sitting here, half afraid and half depressed waiting for him to call and tell me what’s next because HE IS MY MANAGER. I think I have waited long enough. I have been stood up and it is about damn time that I come to terms with it and move to the next person. I am at a loss for words actually. I am at a total loss. It’s the reason why I have not tweeted much or written a blog because I am speechless.

So, once again, I need a manager. I thought the search was over. I feel so betrayed. I feel like I have lost a lover or something. I mean, I have probably lost a friend, right? What really makes me angry is that THIS IS MY LIFE!!! This is not a game! This is my life and for someone to take something I take so seriously and treat it so carelessly… it fuckin’ messes with me. So much time was wasted. So many good opportunities wasted because I thought someone had my back. Well, lesson learned. No one has my back. Now I know this. It is me, myself and I. I mean, life keeps telling me this but I refuse to listen. I always trust, accept, have faith in people and what do they do? They screw me over.

So… I’m just so disappointed, but as you know, I can only write about something when I am ready to let go of it. So, it means that, I am letting go of this today. That’s good. I guess. I’m actually tearing up writing this. There is so much frustration inside of me caused by this situation. This means that my plans have moved back yet again. By how many months, I don’t know. Maybe they have been moved back indefinitely, but I can’t afford to be negative. I can’t. I haven’t even played the guitar in 3 weeks, that’s how out of sorts I am. I’m ready to pick up my guitar again. I am ready to be me again because while waiting for him to show up, I have been a shadow of myself.

I don’t know if any of this is even written well. I don’t know if there are any typos because I am not going to edit this. I am moving forward and I am getting back on the proverbial horse. I am so sick and tired though of feeling this feeling, but I guess, I keep on experiencing these scenarios to learn some lesson that I fail to see. I don’t even want to contemplate the possibility that The Universe is telling me to give up music. It can’t be telling me that. I refuse. So, I am going to stop typing now, maybe have a little cry (LOL) and then think about where to go next. As of now, I have no idea what the future holds. All I know is that I am a strong woman with a clear vision and dream – and that I am not giving up for anyone or anything. I will make my dreams come true or die trying. And even if people take me a few steps back, I will NOT give up. Everything happens for a reason and this too shall pass.

Anyway, I have said what I have to say. I am going to sleep now and wait for the new day. Besides, I am going to watch Harry Potter tomorrow, and that should cheer me right up.

Thank you for reading and thank you for walking along with me along this tumultuous journey of mine. Today when I say that I love you to you who has read this blog, I mean it more than ever because if it wasn’t for this blog (and my mother), I would feel totally alone and shattered. Instead I feel that I have no time to be moping because I have music for you guys to listen to.

Have a lovely Weekend

Veronnica Wolpendz LOVES you!!!!

7 comments:

AbsintheDragonfly said...

Beautiful Goddess Woman

This makes me sad for you to hear that someone you thought you could trust, is not trustworthy. It is so disappointing when someone we thought was a friend, turns out to not be a friend. It's like having a part of yourself die.

Take heart and be of courage. You will make your dreams happen, I feel it. I am gonna visualize the day when I can bring you, your "special scent" in person to a concert.

Bless you dear V.
Hugs and Love,
Absinthe Dragonfly

PS ~ Don't trust the zombie pope...and Eat cake.

Anonymous said...

Seems like the old "believe in no-one but yourself" scenario comes back to land its destructive hammer squarely on your hopes and dreams. . . but dreams are like cockroaches...pretty much indestructable.
So rise up my little hard-shelled people! Our dreams shall not be squished under-foot. We may need to retreat ( whilst we wait for legs and broken antennae to heal ) but we shall return envigoured by our determination to succeed against the odds.
Have faith! whether spiritually or in self belief ( preferably both ). You have something special to offer and these set backs will not deter you or veer you away from your path.
You WILL succeed because YOU have the talent. The paople that you meet along the way are there to guide/tempt and deceive you. As long as you stay true to yourself you will find fulfillment...even if it's just in the knowledge "you did it your way!".

As always, I wish you success in all you do. It's been a long time coming but maybe that just makes the prize so much greater.

As the Vulcans say, "Live long and prosper!".

Ciao bella! Be happy!

Luv'n'hugs. Scott. xOx

Smuttydog said...

Soz! That was me. Didn't mean to go anonymous.

Anonymous said...

House: And that's all you are? Musician?

Giles: I got one thing, same as you.

House: Really? Well apparently you know me better than I know you.

Giles: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret.You don't risk jail and your career to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved, unless you got something. Anything. One thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they ain't got that one thing that--that hits a man hard and that true. I got music, you got this, the thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with a drink and a kiss, that ain't gonna happen for us.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you Ms V. I know you are feeling a wide range of emotions at this junction.


What I wanted to say is that what has happened was not a bad thing. Hurtful yes but necessary to get you where you need to go.

I think it helps if you can imagine that you are on a road trip & you need to turn left. Are you going to break down & cry because you liked the particular road you were on or are you going to simply put your indicator on with determination to reach your destination?


Look for the blessing in this & you'll find it ♥

pikinini

Veronnica Wolpendz said...

Sorry for the late reply, guys. My computer was away. Thank you for the words of support and encouragement. I am more positive now and ready to go forward. I am gong to wrte a blog about it. Thanks again. <3

Veronnica Wolpendz said...

Anonymous wrote:

"House: And that's all you are? Musician?

Giles: I got one thing, same as you.

House: Really? Well apparently you know me better than I know you.

Giles: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret.You don't risk jail and your career to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved, unless you got something. Anything. One thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they ain't got that one thing that--that hits a man hard and that true. I got music, you got this, the thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with a drink and a kiss, that ain't gonna happen for us."

<3 Thank you!!