I am always getting ready to die, doing what pleases me and not the world, living a life without regrets and just consciously choosing to live a life that I am accountable for. I am always getting ready to die because I imagine that when death comes, it is when we have no unfinished business in this realm, no nagging feelings of “could haves”, “should haves” and “would haves”. So, when one day I realized that I was not ready to die, after many years of thinking that I was, I got a little worried (not seriously worried) because time is on my side, yes it is!
I thought I was ready to die until one day I felt something I had never felt before, which changed my entire life’s course. I got to experience love. It was only after knowing love that I realized that there could be another purpose to my existence, that all the experiences before this day all lead to this day. I was humbled and chastised (but with a smile on my face) that day because I learned that what I knew love to be was only the tip of the biggest iceberg in the Universe. The experience of finally knowing the existence of something so sacred and sublime gave me not only comfort, but it also gave me reassurance that everything does indeed happen for a reason. I then saw a vision of existence being like a ladder of infinite rungs (in both directions), spiraling and coiling like a seashell, and that this ladder represented not only existence, but that it also signified the nature of love. Love is infinite and cyclical at the same time, like a sine graph with no end.
Love is everlasting, although the agents and catalysts that allow us to feel or experience love might not be “everlasting” according to this realms illusionary nature. This means that although we may have had many friends, lovers, and such contacts in our lives that made us feel love and then stopped making us feel love– love itself did not end; these people (entities) were catalysts to show us or remind us of this everlasting love.
It is not only the human being or the place (or whatever entity) that you love; it is what these entities allow us to feel, that love is. These people are doorways or keys to connecting with this Infinite Energy that some call love, or God, or beauty, or the Universe. Although it looks as if you are attracted to these people, places or things – it is not intrinsically the entity that you are truly attracted to (the entity is a smaller part of the greater part that they allow you to feel) but it is how they make you feel that attracts you to them.
I am not trying to diminish anyone’s importance by saying such. These people and entities are sacred and worthy of worship, due to being triggers and catalysts which allow us to see beyond the veil of fear, to make us tap into the One Infinite Creator’s essence. Also, these people who allow us such experiences are rare for those who have not yet learned to use every entity in existence as a catalyst to tap into that energy. These people should be revered and we should be grateful for each and every one of them because they allow us to experience who we really are, in a world where we have been programmed to forget who we truly are. These people remind us, on some primal level that we are gods, or that we are a component which is part of a bigger whole.
When I felt love from only ‘knowing’ love, I was so glad and pleased that I was truly ready to die because what else could surpass such a magnificent experience? The inner voice begged to differ, and highlighted to me that knowing love was not enough for me, or for any human being (even though with free will, many humans choose to just know love without experiencing it). All humans know love sub-consciously, a lot of humans know love consciously and then a few (with numbers increasing) are experiencing love on all levels of consciousness. The inner voice said that I was not yet ready to die because I had not done this one thing; to live love in all its glory, fearlessly and courageously. I was not yet ready to die because with the gift of being loved, I had not yet passed it forward.
I then inquired further and wondered what I would need to do in order to experience love on all levels, so as to be free finally. I asked myself what I have not done yet, and although I will not share the details of what I received as an answer, I can speak of it in general terms. (Our inner voice, that place within us that knows all, knows everything in such great detail that it can even give you a street address, but I won’t bore you with the details, and therefore I will summarize below).
To experience love on all levels (to be love body, mind and soul; sub-conscious, conscious and super-conscious) is to share it, to glorify it and to be grateful for giving it, because to give it is to receive it, even though it might not be felt “immediately” in this slow paced realm. To live love is to speak of love and to speak lovingly and freely without fear, guilt or shame. Now, I am not perfect, and by all means, I am not always loving, or lovingly speaking to others because I am human – but the comforting factor is that I know what needs to be done. Sometimes, to love is not always smooth. It involves doing uncomfortable things, or things that are riskier than ordinary experiences, and the most important factor to remember is that love and fear can not exist in one space, and a space can not be “empty”, and so if one eradicates fear, what moves in place of that eradicated fear, is love.
For me, it was not enough to just feel love because it is a powerful energy. I’ve had to write pages and pages of texts, tens of songs and put in hundreds of hours of contemplation and meditation to take the edge off – to prevent the self from imploding from such magnificence. No, there is more that needs to be done. You see, love is the expression of Oneness with other entities, be it human, dog or flower. We have to share it, exchange it and glorify it in order for things to flow smoothly, and so- that’s what I am up to these days.
Am I any good at this love thing? Honestly, I am not too competent at it because to be honest, I am not sure what one needs to do. All I have figured out thus far is that I need to express and accept love. The next step I will know when I cross that bridge.
I hope that we are all growing as much as I am growing because aside from the growing pains, personal growth and acceptance is fun and exciting.
Happy Sunday to All!