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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Thank You.

Hello There,

Labels. You've been labelled. You label people and things. It is the norm even though I highly doubt that it is natural. Defining things may make it easier to communicate but it also limits the expansive nature of creation. So, as long as we know that by defining things, we also limit them, then we can always keep in mind that there is always more to an entity than what it seems.

Take me for example. I am somewhat difficult to peg. I imagine that if I am defined by any word, words like eccentric, weird, obscure or even confusing might come to mind. I understand this even though I am very simple. I merely seem complicated because I do things that are seldom done, or because I do things that are discouraged. I take risks, many don't pay off, but the ones that matter do pay off quite handsomely. Due to my somewhat erratic, probably enigmatic and mysterious demeanour, I tend to make people who thought "knew me" feel like I am a stranger to them because I seem to never meet their expectations. Then I isolate people.

You see, if you know me, you would know that I am very changeable. If you know me, you would know that I seek truth above all else, and because of this, I will go to dark areas of consciousness and uncharted areas of life. Also, if you know me, you would know that I am a person that prefers to do things when I desire, on my own terms. Last, but certainly not least, if you know me, you would know that I am a person who keeps to herself, who is regularly in communion with her thoughts, someone who is on a personal journey to be true to herself. This means that, I am not here to meet your expectations or to make you feel comfortable about your life. If I am here for you, then I am here to show you that you can survive the earth doing whatever you like, being fearless and being faithful to your desires, dreams and self-actualization.

I am a patient person. I am a resilient person. I am unafraid of pain even though I abhor it. I am loyal and true to my peace of mind, love of self (and others) and gaining a level of inner power that allows me to have sustainable peace of mind and constant love. That is all I live for. I live to be true to myself. I live to work towards breaking unhealthy cycles, and I live for deprogramming my mind, to go from a slave mentality and into a God mentality.

A slave mentality is evident in a life that is at the mercy of outside circumstances. Being a slave means that you are governed by outside forces to be fulfilled. Being a slave means that you seek approval to feel good about yourself, or you seek outside validation to make major choices in your life. Well... In a few words, I say that you can be happy regardless of what is going on around you. I say that the state of your well being has nothing to do with anyone but yourself, therefore, do what makes your heart jump with joy, and screw everything else. I say fight for the freedom to do what you like. Fight harder and fight longer until you have the freedom you desire to be who you desire. Otherwise, what is the point of being alive?

This is why I am unpredictable, and this is why I might leave people either weary of me, intimidated by me, or repelled by me. I literally live and breathe freedom, or the fight for freedom. I refuse to have people dictate to me what is "right" or "wrong" to me. I refuse!! Why? Because I am the head honcho of my reality. I make the rules of my world. My outlook on life literally has nothing to do with other people, therefore, I do not give my power to outside forces to dictate how I should get a smile on my face. I refuse!

I will do what pleases me. I will follow my excitement. I will listen to my intuition and my inner guidance. I will choose to do the things that make me the same person in private as I am in public. I will not hide behind shadows in fear to be judged due to the strange decisions and actions that I have taken. The reason for that is because I OWN MY WORLD. Outside forces are MY tools to make manifest MY desires. I am not a tool to make manifest other people's desires, unless it is a collaborative effort and all parties involved are happy.

When I decided to be happy, I knew that many people would not be happy about it. I knew that I would fall on my face for a long time before I can stand up tall, and that while I was crawling, I would be persecuted for my choice to be happy, because misery loves company, and people just don't like it when you choose to live in a loving state of mind while they live in fear. I knew that I would experience opposition, mockery, and I knew that I would be many a topic of snickering. All I can say to that is that I am glad to have been of service, to have given you a reason to smile about my life because your life was not giving you a reason to smile. I am honored to have been a source of laughter, entertainment and subject matter. I actually gave you pleasure that you couldn't create for yourself.

Unfortunately, the entertainment that I have provided for you has not been of use to you. You literally wasted your energy on me, when you could have used that energy to make your life better. For that, I thank you. Your energy on me was useful. I used it. I took its negativity and changed it into fuel to live another day on my fight to freedom. And look now... Look at yourself? Are you happier? Are you feeling better? I sure am. Unfortunately, when fear is involved, not everyone benefits. When love is present, all benefit. The fear of re-evaluating and looking at your own life with the scrutiny with which you were looking at my life, has not served you. It served me. It shall carry on doing so too, until you either not think of me, or until you think of me lovingly. Otherwise, you will feed the beast that is ME.

That is the irony of being preoccupied with other people's lives. It leaves your life empty while it energizes your object of criticism. The irony of gossiping and wagging your tongue about people who do not even give you a second thought is that, YOU become a pawn to their lives - contrary to how you may feel as you giggle about them among your covens.

Then they say being self-involved is bad? No... It is not "good" or "bad". It is either useful or useless. In my case, it would seem that, my resolve, my choices, my pain and my sacrifices were useful. I am proud to say that I am content about my personal and professional life, BUT I still desire more than what I have because all that time I spent alone being a "weirdo", I discovered that I am more than "this". I am much more. I am capable of more love and beauty. I am capable of more peace and power. I am capable of more because I am limitless. I know what I am capable of. I know that I am NOT alone. I know that I am love, and I know... I just know... And what I know is worth all the whispers that occurred and are occurring behind my back because as I said before, whether good or bad, your thoughts, words and actions for and against me empower me to be the person I desire to be. This means that, I am grateful to you for helping me reach my goals and desires. I couldn't have done it without your negativity or positivity.

Do you then understand the point I am trying to make?

If not, let me spell it out:

Regardless of what happens, I am going to carry on with my personal journey and goals. You give me the power to do so by any thought, word or action relative to me. For that, I thank you. And, yes, some of you have dedicated years to my personal growth through your thoughts, words and actions, and I thank you. We are co-creators after all. I couldn't have done it without you. I couldn't have lived to see this day, and be grateful for my blessings without your blessings and curses to me. Both light and darkness fuel me, and THAT is just another way in which I am becoming FREE to be.

A word of advice: Mind your own business. Think of people in a positive and loving manner. Otherwise, you just lose energy to others and leave yourself on empty. Seriously, think and act lovingly upon others and you shall receive love while they also receive love. Think negatively on others and you pour energy on them, and receive NOTHING in return. If you happen to think negative energy on an alchemist like me, who has dedicated her life to turning fear into love, then, you just make a person like me prosper, regardless of what you throw at the person.

I won't lie and say that it has been easy learning to change negativity into love. It has almost killed me, and it almost kills me everyday, BUT, almost doesn't count. Sure, I lose battles every so often, but the war isn't over until I say so. The war is to win freedom. What is freedom?

Freedom = Love = God = Eternal = Truth.

Think about that. Or not. Whatever.

I am just sitting here thankful as I am hitting milestones one after another, wondering if I have finally hit the critical mass point of no return. Point of no return to fear. Because if I have, then life is about to get very good because I have not peaked at all. I just started. The life before now was me warming up. Now I am about to rehearse. I am preparing for opening night. It takes a life time to peak. So, don't count my eggs before they hatch. If I am not done, what makes you think I am done? My purpose is to have full control of my reality. That takes a lifetime. So, if you see me flat-line, you have every reason to know that I am about to be resurrected.

Big risks come with big rewards or big losses. Unfortunately, I am an extremist so I experience both from time to time. The trick is that, I must experience more rewards than losses, as I have been doing thus far, and I will be fine. I hope the same for everyone on earth. I truly do. It's why I know that I am alright. Are you alright?

Anyway... that was a rant and a half.

To close:

There is not a day that passes when I don't say "Thank You".

Inana (LOL!)

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