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Saturday, June 15, 2013

Haunted By Dreams.

Hey there,

I have been having troublesome dreams. They are not nightmares, but because I know that my dreams are usually portents for major changes in the people's lives that I dream of, I often worry. In the past, it used to be more confusing and frustrating when I dreamt of one person over and over, because I would be alarmed, thinking that the dreams had something to do with me, when in actual fact, the dreams had nothing to do with me.

I dream about people before major changes occur in their lives, usually for the better, but sometimes, the changes are distressing. It is usually related to matters of the soul, when huge transformation occurs through love. Love can transform a person through romance and lovers, or through children, pregnancies and sometimes, through both. At other times, the changes occur when a huge lifestyle change is about to occur to the person I dream of. So, since these dreams began to make sense to me, I have always tried to speak about them to the people involved because they seem to haunt me until I change occurs.

Fortunately, I know my purpose and why these dreams come to me. The simplest reason is that, I can actually interpret them. I can actually tell what they are, why they are and what I should do about them, so, with that ability, I think these dreams come to me because I can decipher them. Also, I think the minds and energies involved know that I have no shame or fears regarding the dreams, therefore, I will tell the person involved in the dream. If the dreams were useless to me, they wouldn't come to me. Just like how ghosts haunt those who can see them, dreams haunt me because I can understand them, to a certain extent. I mean... I am no pro. I still have to sit and analyse the dreams before they make sense. I also need to meditate a lot for discernment so that I know how to proceed regarding the dreams, so it is work and time, and trial and error as I slowly get the hang of it.

Years ago, a friend of mine (not so close then) started showing up in my dreams regularly. In my dreams, we liked each other and enjoyed spending time with each other. The dreams were never sexual, and so far the dreams I have are never of a sexual nature, but they are always of a deep friendship and chemistry. I dreamt of this guy I went to school with for a while. I didn't tell him because I was afraid. I did eventually contact him, only to find out that he felt that he should leave the country and work overseas because South Africa didn't present him much joy. He was depressed. And I waited to tell him, and by the time I told him, I thought I was too late because he had left the country.

I kept on being connected to him until we developed a friendship. It was so confusing then because I dreamt of him often, so much so that I thought I liked him romantically. The truth is that I didn't. A year later from the onset of the dreams, he met the love of his life, and I went through a heartbreak which soon ended faster than I thought. We became friends again after I was "over him", and then our friendship truly began because I then became a catalyst, also an ear to listen, for much of his emotional and psychological evolution. We discovered together that he has repressed memories that I identified because I would remind of him of times together as kids which he didn't remember existed. This worried me. We delved so deeply into his psyche until we came up with huge breakthroughs.

Without going into detail, he was able to discover and deal with a lot of abuse he experienced as a child, and he and I know that, I pretty much pushed him, unintentionally to delve into that part of his life, because somehow, I knew that he would never grow to his full potential without doing so. Once he had opened that can of worms regarding his past, my dreams of him ended, my connection to him cooled off, and from talking every day, now we only talk once every three months or less, especially since we are both in relationships. It was always a one sided relationship where I felt that I gave more than I received, and I resented him to some degree, and so, even though it is a pity, I am glad that he has his own life and that I don't have to be the wounded healer who doesn't get to be healed too.

Now, I am in a happy relationship with my guy, who I adore, and in the last two weeks, I have had recurring dreams about two guys I know, both I am not close to, but both I have had good chemistry with to know that there is some sort of connection that I have with them, whether it is negative karma to balance or positive karma to enjoy. Both connection are not sexual. They are just strong. That is all. At this early stage of the dreams, I usually just share the dreams and watch. Unfortunately, they have not stopped, even after sharing them. I am personally not in the mood of sharing with those who resist. I mean, even in the example above, it was not very easy to get to be emotionally intimate with this guy who is now one of my closest friends. It took a year of one sided communication until it clicked to him that, "hey! There is someone here trying to connect with you and it is not to hump you." If it wasn't for the fact that I thought I liked him, I wouldn't have bothered trying to talk to him about the dreams. Yeah, I liked him but didn't find him attractive, even though he was attractive.

In these recent cases, I don't like the guys in any way more than platonic, hence I mentioned that I am in a happy relationship. So, inspiration to talk to these people is very low. The desire to work through whatever it is that is making me dream of them is also something I am quite willing to ignore because I am not really concerned. What I am experiencing though is irritation of being haunted by dreams of people who are less than acquaintances to me. Another problem is that, although I accept that I am a weirdo, I don't need to prove it by telling random people that I dreamt of them and that I think that we have some spiritual work that has to be done through me.

I know that once the universe wants certain things communicated, it will choose a vessel or a messenger to send word. If the messenger fails, another will come. I think that I will try to fail this mission so that someone else can take care of it. I know that the message is bigger than me, whatever it is, but still, I am finding this tiresome. I don't even get paid for this, but maybe I am the one paying a debt to these people for the kindness they showed me in a lifetime gone by, so...

So, I will venture out and risk to sleep. I hope I don't dream of them again. Contrary to the past, this time I am getting more than one person at a time. Before these two, it was another. Like my first dream subject, these guys seem clueless about spiritual work, the mind and meta-physics. The first guy was an atheist, and to tell him that I was connecting to him and his higher self through dreams was quite a challenge. It was only after 4 years that he said to me that although he was an atheist, he now understood what I was about when I told him that although God is not a bearded guy in the sky, God exists, and that God is energy, Universal love, which is tangible as much as it is not. Since then, he has been exploring the mind, working on his scars, and tapping into his inner God.

It was helped by the fact that he fell in love. So, falling in love, my meta-physics influence and his high IQ was able to make his atheism to be spiritual, than to have an atheism that was a two legged tripod. Science and spirituality are the same thing if you have the ability to see that, and slowly and surely, his heart chakra opened. Of course, in any healing work, the healer is also healed, so my friend also helped me work on a lot of my stuff. All these things were sparked by my dreams of him. If it wasn't for those dreams, I would not have spoken to him, and we would have missed out on this experience.

Although it was enriching, I don't want anymore experiences like these. I would like to be selfish for once in my life and concentrate on myself, and be happy. I resent the fact that I have to be forced to care about others, when they probably don't care about themselves, when I have so much that I would like to do with my mind rather than analyse dreams and so on. I would like to spend my mind's memory on making memories with my guy, on making new songs, and on enjoying my life, not on people who do not appreciate or even fathom what work it is to dream, interpret, and make useful the things I dream of about THEM.

I don't even get a thank you. So, I hope writing about it, and letting the frustration out of being bombarded by people's energies can stop it somehow. I'd like to look after those who look after me. I am not Mother Teresa. I don't have time for pro bono spiritual work and such, especially from those who didn't ask for it. At least my first dream subject was polite. These latest ones are not well mannered. The other didn't reply and the other laughed at me, so... That's the thanks I get.

Anyway, let me sleep.

I hope I sleep in peace.

Inana

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