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Saturday, September 29, 2012

Marriage

Dearest Reader,

Today, I was listening to John William's song called Schindler's List (Theme) and I was playing it in repeat. I still am. I should be writing a workshop outline, or sleeping, but instead I can't stop listening to this beautiful song. Here it is, then you can listen to it as you read on.

 

I have never given marriage a thought as anything more than a foreign idea, in a way that I would think of being on the Moon. I can speak about marriage. I have opinions about it. I even know that I am not the marrying type, and not because I am not "marriage material" but simply because I think marriage is bullshit that should be discontinued as soon as possible. 

Then, today, as I was listening to this song, images came into my head that made no sense. I wasn't sure whether I was having a dream of me in another body, or whether I was fantasizing, or whether I was thinking in general, but I saw a most odd and similarly most wonderful vision.

I have never been to a wedding, simply because I don't like them. Wait... I think I have been to one... yes. Same with funerals. I have only been to one. I avoid weddings, funerals, baby showers and all those things because they just make me uncomfortable. If I ever fantasize about a man, it is never about a wedding or marriage. The fantasy is never about the status of the relationship but about a moment in a relationship, like fantasizing about walking together holding hands, or fantasizing about laughing together, which may occur with or without marriage.

In this fantasy, vision or dream, it was me(although I was much skinnier and I could dance like a professional) at my own wedding. I was quite taken aback. I was wearing an old fashioned white and modest dress. It had long sleeves. It was made of heavy fabric which hung as a curtain would. It had clean lines and it was embroidered.. The white was almost cream, so it was not that super white that looks neon-eque or bluish. It was a warm white.The room was dark. The spotlight on the him was bluish, as if a beam of light was hitting slight smoke in a very dark room, and he stood with his back straight. He was confident and he was calm. He was also wearing a white suit too, which was odd. He was already waiting for me when I arrived on the dance floor. I extended my right hand to him, and I curtsied in a very dramatic and skilled way, picking up some of my dress with my left hand.Then I did a ritualistic dance of sorts around and in front of him, legs in control as if I was drawing a circle with them.

Then, when my outstretched hand reached his, he took my hand and brought me closer until I was close enough to smell his cologne. We then danced in a manner that seemed practiced and orderly, following the song on time and diligently. Then, after a short while, he pulled me closer, my bosom touching his chest, and we looked at each other and he smiled first. He was smiling, even though I couldn't see his face in the dream/fantasy. I just know that he was smiling because I was smiling and that he was the reason why I was happy.

We silently danced on, looking at each other smiling, and then I began to speak softly to him so that he may be the only one who heard me speak. I said, "Thank you, for making me so happy. Not just today, but all the times leading to today. Thank you for making this day the happiest day of my life." Then with a soft smile, I gave him a soft kiss on the lip. Then, I looked away from him, still smiling, and turned towards my right shoulder, and rested my head on the area between his left shoulder and pectoral. We then carried on dancing, still both smiling.

Then, people slowly began to join us on the dance floor until we were surrounded by other people dancing to the song too. I would close my eyes as we danced, trusting him completely with my space, fully surrendered to him leading me as we danced. I would open my eyes briefly from time to time, to look around, with my head still resting on him. Then I would see that everyone is caught up in their moments of the dance, and close my eyes again.

:) The dream, vision or fantasy ends there. It stopped when the song ended...

I've never thought fondly of marriage or weddings until today. Like, NEVER in my life have I been that type. It's all so strange but I liked it. And, today "tPluto was trine Venus", so maybe that's why. And, I will get over this thing once the transit is over. 

Thank you for reading.
I am feeling love, peace and contentment for some beautiful reason.
I have not felt at peace in a long time.
I am glad that peace has come back.

I have been smiling through out writing this blog. Odd times. 

Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Power

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