Pages

Monday, September 3, 2012

I Am Not Important. I Just Know Who I Am.


I am the Sun.
Dearest Reader,

Please, don’t claim that I am arrogant just because you learned that the unassuming, kind and quiet woman you met is also a strong force to be reckoned with. Please don’t claim that I think a lot of myself or I think of myself better than others, because I showed you that you shouldn’t think that you’re better than me. If I have shown you that I think I’m “better than you”, it was merely a demonstration. I am not that important. I have never thought I was. I still don’t think so. I just think we’re equals. I can see how that can confuse a few.

These last few days have been quite interesting. I had a first hand experience of what happens when I don’t express my anger there and then. It turns out that the result of repressing my feelings is to “name and shame” said person on twitter, letting out all my venom and not giving a shit about it. Really, I didn’t care and I still don’t. Even now, I crave that this person speaks to me so that I can tell them to suck my proverbial dick or apologize. Not that an apology would help right now, but in a few years, it might take effect. Right now I am still in a delicious rage of anger, hoping that more anger is triggered out of me so that I can indulge in it.

I don’t know why we even repress our feelings, quite honestly. Expressing my anger felt so good. It’s is why I do it now as a rule. Why hold on to anger and make yourself sick from it, instead of blowing a gasket right now and having fun? I truly wish that I had done it sooner. It would have been less theatrical if I had expressed it then, but instead I went to think about it. I let it stew and fester into the pressure cooker that is my mind until “BOOM” something little triggered it.

I am the Eclipse
Yeah, it is amazing how one day you can like someone, and then hate them the next because of not speaking. I am sure that, if this guy had realized that he had laid it on thick and needed to be more sensitive, and I am sure that if I had spoken to him thereafter and expressed my distaste for his words, we would have squashed this issue and probably became friends. But, now, there is no chance of such, especially since I have quit humbling myself in the hopes of reconciling with people who have slighted me because it doesn’t work. People don’t want to reconcile. People like beef, drama and people will protect their ego and pride at the cost of peace with their fellow man, therefore I have chosen to kindly not give any fucks over people who aren’t tolerant. I am no longer meddling with humans unless necessary.

Look, I am not an angel. As a matter of fact, I can guarantee you that I am an asshole when I need to be. Being a douche is not above me. I use it when necessary to show people that I can do it too. It is not my natural inclination to be a turd. I am a pacifist after all, but the thing about coming to people with humility is that they think you’re weak and stupid. They don’t understand that you humble yourself to them because you consider them worth the humility and respect. They think that coming before them as equals with an open mind to learn from them means that you are an idiot. Idiots are not humble, nor are they open to learn from others. Idiots do not see value in others, nor do they respect people. So, how do you mistake humble people for dumb people?

I don’t respect people, nor do I come before people humbly, because I am weaker. I come to you humans, with an open-heart because I give you idiots the benefit of the doubt. I come before you with respect because you are human and you may not know it but you deserve all the respect and reverence of a god. But, you humans are blinded by your ego. You don’t even for a second see that it takes a god to recognise a god. No! Instead you view someone treating you as a god as a slave, a subject or even a jester. I shake my head as I write this because I am truly disappointed that I was right about humans. I was right. The human species has not earned the respect they demand because they are still slaves to their egos. The human being has not earned to be treated with respect and humility because it treats itself with lesser. The thing is: the human doesn’t need to earn respect, but they will not find it useful if they have not earned it. They will abuse love if they have not worked for it. Herein lays the error because they can not earn love. So, humans debase themselves with their pride and with their false ideas of earning love, when they must just receive and be love. They are inferior to their own minds. They are so pathetic that they reject their own natures and choose a foreign nature of perversion, i.e. they choose violence, arrogance, pride and ego above their freedom, truth and loving natures. There is nothing dumber than that. Not in my opinion.

I am a goddess
It was after reading a few books that I decided that I knew enough to begin the process of putting what I had read, learned and understood into action. I decided that I was going to treat humans as the gods that they are, because prior to that, I didn’t think much of humans. Five years later, I am sad that, I was right. Humans are lame. I can respect their free will, and I will do my best to honour them as I honour any other animal because they are still gods even though they don’t see it, but the truth is, I would rather have little to nothing to do with them.

I have to thank the humans that I have encountered though. They have made me more of who I am. I tried this thing of “giving people a chance” because apparently, that was the folly which made me so cynical and condescending. Well, I did give humans a chance for a long time, when I had no reason to because I have truly seen the darkest side of humanity that it is understandable if I dislike them all, especially men. But, I went against that, and told myself to not blame the behaviour of only a few people and lay it on an entire species. So, I said, “Okay, I will open myself up to people.” I did. And, the bottom line is that humans just desire to inflict pain on one another. The difference is that, some do it physically, some do it verbally and the others do it subtly through Stockholm syndrome.

Some humans like to seem better than others just because some have not killed a human being, for example. But, the same person sitting on that high horse has killed someone’s soul and made people cry, while others have killed people’s minds. See, I know that I am a killer. I know that I am not better than others. Trust me, I know. If I have shown you that I am better than you, it was for the mere reason of showing you that YOU aren’t special, that we all have things to brag about. The human doesn’t realize that they are just as bad as their supposed worst in their society. The only difference is varying degrees of cruelty and society’s perception on what is deemed “right” or “wrong”.

As I always say, if Jesus came back to Earth now, he would be killed, belittled, humiliated and persecuted then killed just like last time. LOL! And to think I have been approaching humans as if they weren’t just the son of THEE god, but I have been approaching humans as if they were THEE God, showing myself as I am, showing them how beautiful and worthy they are. What a waste of time. I seriously don’t have the energy to respect humans because it hurts too much. It is hard work since they keep on giving me reasons to look down upon them. I would rather suffer alone than have to deal with such ridiculousness, so my plan is to detach. I will not acknowledge their godliness. I will remove myself from them generally.

Another possibility is that, not all humans are bad, but I have merely been encountering those who are opposed to my energy? Whatever the case may be, fortunately, since humans are so similar, I have learned that they are dispensable. This is unfortunate because they were designed to be unique, but through some sordid past, they have become quite similar to one another, therefore quite predictable and therefore avoidable.

I am just a woman.
Look. I hoped for the best for humans and me. I truly did hope that they weren’t as bad as I thought. I fought for them and fought on their behalf because they would show me glimpses of their true natures. But, I now suspect that I saw those glimpses of their godliness merely because I was looking to find godliness. Humans are actually godforsaken. They are what fake gold is to the real thing. I am sad that I still care about these creatures because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be writing about them.

What I hope is that I exit this place quickly. I don’t know how to live amongst such self-loathing beings. I am not equipped with surviving these things. They are parasites and cannibals. They feed on each other and leech off whatever goodness there is until it is no longer there. They prefer darkness to light. They would rather be hateful and bring each other down than assist and be kind. They have fun by destroying themselves and others, through treating others and themselves badly through bad behaviour, bad food and bad lifestyles.

I seriously don’t understand why I am here, but as I have said before, I will do my best keeping myself occupied by learning new tricks and toys to play with. Other than that, I just wait to die. Harvesting is really happening. This world is spitting me out ever so diligently. The more I live, the more I can’t stand it, and that’s why I think people die – they simply just can’t stand this place anymore.

As I sit here, I know what the human is capable of because I have seen myself through transitions. I know that humans can overcome anything and be anything they so desire, just by looking at myself. I also know that I am capable of more than this. BUT, I am afraid of humans because they like their dysfunctions. And, I am actually tearing up about it. But, I need to toughen up. The human deserves his loneliness, his distrust for others, his lack of peace and his purposeless existence because he chooses it. The human has guardians just waiting to assist, angels sent to them personally for any and all use, and they kill or reject them.

So, I will sit back now and do nothing. :) I will watch them as they burn and I will shed a tear, but I will not interfere. I will watch them drown and I will mourn but I will not extend my hand. You see, respecting free will means that I must NOT come when not summoned, I must not reach out when not beckoned, nor answer when not called. This will be difficult. I am YOU and you are me at a primary level. I cry when you cry, but I can not be part of this madness. I won’t enable it. Therefore, I choose to turn my back on humans now, and distance myself a bit more than before. If I was a hermit then, watch me now.

I am all types of love. Tolerant and sincere.
The truth is, I am not important enough to matter in human lives. I know this. So, I am not going to act like my involvement will be missed. Humans will do fine without me. Me and my love and open heart are interfering with their chosen unhappiness. They have certainly showed me that they don’t desire me or my efforts. They will live long after I am gone. I am no one to them. They are the ones who are or were something special and beautiful to me. So, my disappearance won’t be missed and that comforts me as I retreat. 

Yours Sincerely,
Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Inner Power.

No comments: