It started at 00:55 with goose bumps and my hair standing up. The right side of my head started crawling as if tiny bits of electric nanotech ants were marching on my head. The feeling was sort of nice but also uncomfortable. I immediately sat in lotus position and built a globe of a shield around me of bright white light. I reinforced it three times. My body shivered with every bit of reinforcement of the shield. Then I sat still and listened to my body again to see if everything was fine.
“I hope no one is jerking off to me,” I thought to myself thinking about the energy surge I just got. Of course, it means my body couldn’t handle all the energy I was receiving at that time, and so it was dispersed on my head. That was the tingling feeling on the right side of my head. My question was: "Where did the energy come from?" I couldn’t tell, so I stopped guessing. Then, a few minutes later, I experienced a dip in energy, as if someone just told me that my mother died. I felt pain at my heart chakra, on my chest as if something painful just happened and I was reacting to it. Thing is, nothing of the sort happened because I was sitting here, listening to music. So, I went on twitter and...
I also found a bump in my armpit, the other day. It is a potential boil, I think and I my mom said that they are caused by stress. So, I am stressed? Over what? Fuck! Also, the tingling of the skull is another symptom of stress, say the doctors. Therefore, all in all, I am stressed and I don’t know what’s stressing me. There is no reason why I should be stressed but my body disagrees. *sigh* I really don’t need any of this in my life. I guess, love is close in vicinity because that is when we feel out of sorts like this, and react as if we are being attacked, because love and fear can not exist in one space. It would seem as though there is a high vibrating energy around me that is exuding love which is making my fears that are buried inside my cells come out and get expressed. I thank this loving energy, but gaawwwddd!!! Does it have to happen this way? Well, a detox is never fun and I seem to be having those emotional detoxes. Joy!
Actually, the truth is that I don't know what's happening to me. These surges of energy, these surges of fear, love, laughter and depression are just inexplicable. I am losing my mind, I think. Then, to top it all off, I have to be sprung too. Just great. Shoot me now, and do it twice to make sure I am dead.
I wonder what this energy is, this loving energy around me that is making me go insane. It is helping me, yes, but... Isn’t there an easier way to cleanse myself of the sins of my ancestors and of my sins than through going berserk?
I know that some of you think I am talking hogwash, and maybe I am. I don’t care. I know some of you understand the process I speak of. Emotional cleansing is real. It's like a baptism of fire.
The bottom line is this: LOVE doesn’t feel good to damaged people (like myself). In fact, we fight LOVE and run for the hills because accepting it means going through this shit that I am going through now, being stressed for no reason and generally losing my marbles. That’s why they say in the bible that they trembled with fear at the presence of God. Higher vibrations feel uncomfortable to those of lower vibrations, like me right now. Wherever this energy is coming from, whether it is something I created alone, with another or whether it is a conscious entity, I am thankful for its attempt to heal me. I am trying my best to embrace and not resist the healing I am receiving.
Fear is like an addictive drug. When LOVE enters where fear has resided, the human goes through what could be termed as withdrawal symptoms. You know, like when they pump out the drug out of your system and you are feeling like shit, shaking and feverish, in pain but being cleansed. Yeah, that’s LOVE. It is not all fun and games. Not until it has kicked your ass cleansing you of your dysfunctions can you actually start enjoying it, unfortunately.
P.S. I am documenting this so that I can see how crazy I was when I look back years later, or to see how absolutely futuristic and revolutionary I was. See, people don’t believe you when you say “I went through that before it was accepted as a norm.” So, it is my “I told you so” guarantee. Either “I told you that humans were evolving now” or “I told you that I went through a few months of insanity”. Either way, “I told you”. LMAO!
P.P.S. I finally feel less tense. (Time 01:45).