Inana

Venusian balance Dearest Reader, Wow! I have been in the worst rut of my life these past few years, especially these last few months. Fortunately, the stars and gods are on my side, and they hurled me out of the pit of nothingness and landed me right on familiar, exotic and beautiful ground. Yes, I am not dating anymore by choice. I am not interested in the drama of men and their issues, but it doesn't mean that I can't admire, marvel and daydream, does it? I think it's all I can do, to be honest. I don't mind either. I find it quite refreshing and quite free. The object of my affections is someone I have known since I was a kid. This makes me happy because it means that I am instantly relaxed about it. To top it all off, he is very similar to me. We share memories, friends and experiences. It is perfect except for a few challenges which I won't dwell on quite yet. I will leave it right there. In the next blog, I hope to update you on work related thing...

Dearest Reader, So, I watched Mystic River for the first time today and I blew a gasket on twitter, ranting about how abuse and past trauma's are no reason to be an abuser too. *rolls eyes* I hate this part of my personality. I am sick and tired of it. It bores me so much! I am so sick and tired of preaching and being self-righteous just because I didn't become like my abusers as well as not being a victim of my circumstance. I mean, big deal, right? I am sure there are plenty of people who have overcome their tough past. The problem is, when I get that trigger, like experiencing injustice or seeing a movie which shows such things, I just lose it. I don't lose it violently. I don't lose it physically, but my blood starts pumping fast, my head starts feeling as if it is about to spin. Basically, I become angry, and now although calm, I am suffering for the anger by having indigestion. Great! I hate having an upset tummy. It says a lot though. It means that I was ver...

The planet Saturn Dearest Reader, These days I must be such a darling for astrology lovers because I am blogging about it a lot. I apologize to those I have sidelined because of this. I am just like that. I have many interests and they are not necessarily from the same part of town. I would also like to apologize about the lack of pictures. They refuse to load. :( Transiting Saturn is entering my 1st house and today it is exact conjunct my Ascendant , which means that I am a Scorpio Rising gal (with Pluto Rising too, by the way), and many fear Saturn because it ruins people's lives apparently, but I love Saturn. I have not always loved it because when one first learns about astrology, all one hears are horror stories of how Saturn did them wrong, but in my experience, Saturn is not bad. Saturn is a corrector of wrongs, and a guide into what benefits us, and so, yes, Saturn can be quite depressing if you have been going the "wrong" direction. "You're r...

Dearest Reader, I am having trouble sleeping. My throat is sore. I am very tired. If I am tired, I should sleep, right? Well, insomnia doesn't work like that. Insomnia is a mind game, and if the mind has more will over your desire to sleep, you will remain awake, thinking, obsessing, revisiting issues, places and people. You will spend it worrying about life in general. You can go from thinking of a lost opportunity for love, to a lost opportunity for work. The thoughts just whoosh about in the mind, giving me no rest, and making me jittery instead of restful. Today, I had a lovely day overall. In fact, it was a physically demanding day. I had an intense workout session with my personal trainer and did boxing and circuit. I did everything from jabbing, uppercuts to left hooks. Then I did push ups, sit ups, crunches and even planking. It was grueling, but as soon as the hour was over, and after I cooled down, I felt the angst return again. Therefore, I jumped into the pool. I s...

Dearest Reader, After all my crushes, relationships and partnerships come to an end, I always do a postmortem astrology reading about what could have been, or what was responsible for the end, through relationship charts such as  Synastry charts and  Composite charts as seen below. It helps fill the void when I have nothing to hold on to. I actually read charts to fall asleep. It's not that they are boring. I guess it is because they are therapeutic and slightly tedious, with all the detail needed to read one. Below is our Composite Interpretation, Me and Mr. La Douche.. Please Note: Anything about astrology tells us of possibilities, not absolutes. For example, these aspects were never given a chance to manifest because the situation never came for them to come about. Also, some people are more mature than the astrological chart, therefore they bypass the negative energies and handle them with love, tolerance and understanding. Truth be told, relationships with hard...

Dearest Reader, Rage. I am a student of life. I don't go about thinking I know it all because I don't. I have so much to learn, even though I have gained a sizable amount of understanding thus far on my life journey. I learn most by observing myself than I do by observing others, although I do observe others too. From my study of the self, I have learned that I am the most damaged, most beautiful and most godly being that I have ever had the chance to get close to. Due to this knowing of myself, I have come to recognize the same in others, and my life thus far has been about sharing that with others, and being sensitive to that fact in others. All I truly desire in life is to show people what I have seen and that they can see it too. This has not been easy because many do not desire to see what I have seen. They just claim to, but when given the chance to see it, they never take that chance. I am my biggest critic. I am my biggest observer, developer and biggest suppor...

Dearest Reader, Put on the left of the page because the page is my body I am sad that I can no longer ignite my desires for him. This is good, I suppose because it feels like a natural progression. It is not forced. There is no other way it can go but end. He was the wood to my fire, and my fire has not been fed. I'm sad that the fire is dying because it felt so good to desire him. It felt so good to think of him, to smile by merely thinking of him, to have my dreams take a new direction because of him. Unfortunately, I have done all that is in my power to sustain my fire for him. I'm out of fuel. For the fire to remain, he would have to light it again, but I don't think he knows how to. I also sadly admit that he doesn't desire to keep this fire burning. Either way, I have accepted my lot. Finally, things are out of my hands. It was lovely to be inspired by him, excited by him and to feel love because of him. It was delicious to crave him, and it was intox...