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Sunday, July 3, 2011

Keep Or Lose The Pictures?

Dearest Reader,

There is nothing in existence that is intrinsically right or wrong. There is only what IS.

A question was posed on twitter a while ago and it read:
“When one gets into a new relationship, should one get rid of the ex’s photos?”
And my initial response was:
“Yes, but there are cases where it is unnecessary.”
Then, as the tweets came through, someone said,
“Only the nosy, overbearing type of person would answer in the affirmative,”
and I had just answered in the affirmative, which meant that I am nosy and over-bearing. Or am I?

Of course, my ego wanted to jump out to defend and prove myself, to argue that I am most definitely not a nosy and over-bearing person, thank you very much, and then it dawned on me (a) the person could be spot on, or (b) the person could be a tad general with their summation and (c) I shouldn’t give a rat’s ass what the person said because I obviously know what I meant by my affirmative answer and that it did NOT necessarily mean that I was nosy and over-bearing.

I have been in relationships where an ex showed me pictures of his ex, including pictures of an exotic trip they had taken together a few months (or was it a month) before we met. There she was on a quad bike, and there she was on the beach, and there she was at his parent’s house with his sisters. I had not asked about his life before me, so to be shown unsolicited pictures raised a few questions, i.e. Why is this relevant to me? Should I care? And, lastly, I wondered if any of this was natural or a big fat clue shouting, “He is still into his ex, doll, so don’t get too comfortable.”. I honestly don’t know even till today why I was shown those pictures. More than anything, it left me perplexed, and it left me questioning his state of mind making me wonder ever so slightly if I made a mistake about him. *SMH* Yes, so much from just pictures!

I think a lot, okay, so I started to put myself in his shoes and see when I would show my current S.O. (Significant Other) pictures of my ex. Then it dawned on me that I would NEVER do such because I just don’t roll like that, as in, I don’t take photos of my lovers. Correction: I don’t take photos of anything unless it is for practical reasons. I am sentimental, but not visually so. I don’t do memorabilia, not yet anyway. As a matter of fact, I am not connected to anything I “own” or to anywhere I have visited, meaning that I can lose everything and I wouldn’t feel any loss. Hence I can’t even use the word “my” when it comes to people and things, because I am not attached to them. Yes, I don’t even have a photo of my family members. Photos of them do exist, I am sure, but I don’t have them. My phone never has pictures of things. Maybe I have issues. I don’t really care. It is just how it is until it is no longer how it is.

So, why would I want a new boyfriend to get rid of pictures of his ex? The answer is that it is practical. Most people break up due to suspicions of foul play than outright foul play. As a loving and caring partner, my mission in life is to make my S.O. feel that they are the most important person in my life. I don’t want picture, phone calls, and anything messing with that. So, if I did keep pictures of people, I would get rid of them, just as I get rid of phone numbers currently; not because there is anything wrong in keeping them, but because I am being “considerate” for the new person that has just entered my life. I’m a good host if I want you to stay in my life. Of course I have had other guys in my life, but my current SHOULD NEVER be reminded of other men in my life until HE CHOOSES to be reminded of it. I don’t volunteer information… or pictures, but if such info is solicited, I would gladly go show and tell him who my ex is and how he looked. Similarly, I wouldn’t like to have my S.O’s ex being shoved down my throat until I am ready. In new relationships, people are still insecure, or where they stand or where they are going so it is important to make that insecurity as little as possible, IF you don’t want the person to leave.. I also don’t want stupid questions coming up in my head about a guy’s ex, and how he feels about another woman, etc. It is just energy wasted. It might not mean anything to my S.O. that he has a portrait of his ex as a mural in his bedroom but to me, it might make me question his motives and his intentions, and trust me, in a union, you don’t want to put yourself in a position where a seed of doubt is sown. If you desire a good foundation in a new relationship, it is counter-productive to have little things that might cause someone to lose faith in you.

Does this make me nosy and over-beating? No! It makes me goal orientated. If you want to be trusted, regardless of how trustworthy you are, you need to behave in a way that is trustworthy. Hey, even if you are not to be trusted, and require being trusted, you need to behave in a way that is trustworthy to be trusted. It is cause and effect. It is just not practical to have things that might make someone you love feel insecure about the union, themselves or about you. It is not practical and it is also hurts the person you love, no matter how ridiculous they might be.

I am not ashamed of the people I have loved, or of the relationships that I have had. I am not pretending that they didn’t happen. I am merely patient, kind, considerate with the person I am with NOW. If you study Proverbs in the bible, the biggest lesson there is discretion, while being truthful. Discretion will keep thee. Even if you don’t have anything to hide, discretion will keep thee. Do you keep the pictures and lose a potential companion, or do you lose the pictures and get a chance at love? Of course, why do you have to choose one over the other? In an ideal world, you don’t choose, but humans have active and dark imaginations. This is a sad truth.

Fin

Veronninca Wolpendz

Love | Peace | Power

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