It's a girl!!

baby girl crying
It's the birth of a new blog and I am excited. I hope we have good times.

I haven't quite thought it out, as to what direction I am going to go with this blog, but I think that I will follow suit in the fashion that I was on MySpace and just blog my musings and thoughts. For those who don't know how this works, here is an example of my latest blog from there:

I am realizing a few truths these days. I am not sure if I am capable of utilizing them for the benefit of myself and others, but at least I know certain things and it is good to be in the know when it comes to the self. There is nothing better, actually. Maybe I am selfish, but there is no better subject of study other than myself in this life. It has always been this way, and it is not that I am not trying to know the other inhabitants of this Earth on purpose. No, it is merely that I am sincerely not interested. Sounds bitchy? Well, it shouldn’t. It is not about you. It is about self-actualization, and there is no YOU in self-actualization, unfortunately, so with that said, I am sorry that you feel slighted by my journey through this realm. 

The first step was a longing, a longing for something I didn’t know. This frustrated me incredibly and got me in a lot of trouble as I tried this and that, trying to figure out what I desired, trying to see what made me tick, and so on. It was tedious, it was necessary; it got me to where I am today. I am tempted to say that I wasted a lot of time trying to find out what I wanted - looking for it outside myself instead of looking within, instead of connecting with the Oneness - but I had to flounder and trip and go to wrong places, do the wrong things for me and be with the wrong people, in order to know that this is exactly where I didn’t want to be. I forgave myself for the traumas I have put myself through; the traumas that I still put myself through and I boil them all down to experience. Of course, some experiences are better left alone but some of us are stupidly hardcore.

The second step was for me to know what I desired. This has taken me the larger part of my life to figure out and I now can confidently say that I know what I want in almost all aspects of my life, from my livelihood, destiny, and purpose, all the way to my personal life. Of course, these things that I know now could all change, but this was all part of my previous lessons, to learn that the only constant in life is its inconsistency. Due to knowing this, I am now prepared for any change in desire that might occur, even though realistically, my desires are changing less and less these days, and I seem to desire and enjoy things for longer than before. I don’t know if this means that it is because I am on the right track or whether it means that I am being stagnant and frankly I couldn’t care less. All I know is that I know what I want and this is a cause for celebration in my opinion.  

It is not often that I come across a person who knows what they want, who is comfortable with his/her desires no matter how far fetched or even laughable they might be, and although this might seem as if I am talking about things vocational, I am not this time. Man can not live on bread alone. What I do see though is a lot of humans being ashamed of their desires, stifling them thus making their journey longer and longer on any given path. Basically, if one desires something, and the desire benefits the self and others now and after, I see no reason not to go for it – but many people have such beneficial desires and because they are “strange” they stifle them. All I am saying is that, I have desired something similar and I am no longer suppressing, stifling and denying it and it feels good and liberating because it all catapults me to the next step.

The third step is, knowing HOW to get one’s desires. This is where I am and I must admit that I feel a little out of my league and baffled because from the looks of it, most of my desires are far-fetched. Fortunately I know beyond anything that nothing is impossible, but there are micro steps or sub-steps that one has to walk to reach the summit. These mini steps are the things that keep me up at nights, boggling my mind because at one hand, although I know that eventually I will get what I desire, does it mean that I should lie back and wait, or does getting what I desire require for me to do something? 

According to my personal make-up, I believe in the latter, and so my mind is working overtime, devising plans and carrying them out to no avail, to achieve what I desire. So, today I took a break from all that constant cerebral overtime and decided to write a blog. I hope that I can figure our how to get what I desire very soon because if you thought not knowing what you want was difficult, try knowing what you desire but not knowing how to experience it. Yes, that is the ultimate agony. 

Actually, in all fairness, there is no bigger or worse, or ultimate agony. All agony is agonizing! 

Cheers and long time no talk!

Veronnica Wolpendz
My MySpace Blog
It's also good to know that I always commit the sin of typos because my eyes just don't pick up the errors until a few weeks after having posted a blog, and by then, I usually feel that it is useless to change anything, thus I leave things as they are. It is not meant as disrespect for my readers, it is just a sickness I have.


Veronnica Wolpendz loves You!!



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