Inana

Dear Reader, I am now no longer an aspiring artist who has time to sit around and heal from the body's ailments. I am now a recording artist who needs to be on top of her game, healthy and filled with energy so that I can do my job, not just for your enjoyment, but most importantly, for mine. A uterus - from which you hail. Every month, since my first period, I am bedridden, from excruciating pain. In order to alleviate the pain, I take pain killers that knock me out, and I still end up in bed, not functioning. But, before my period, I am also in agony, cramping, retaining water, craving, and feeling irritable. So, in general, from when my cycle begins (first day of my period) to when I start ovulating, I am in pain, discomfort and short of tearing my hair out. In fact, the physical pain of menstruation is better than the upheaval of PMDD . I have been to hospital so often in my life, having blood transfusions, iron transfusions, anxiety attacks, and other inexplicable t...

Hey There, Things are moving quite along in the music front. Pre-Production stage of recording is not a joke. It is the hardest as far as I have experienced. This is something that music makers aren't aware of. The business behind the glossy product, the hard work before the sweet sounds. There is so much that needs to be done before a song is even sent to a producer. There are so many people involved in the conveyor belt of song making, and we are not even at the part where we deal about image, marketing strategies and all that stuff that PR execs have made so popular through reality shows and magazines. What I can say with great joy is that the music that is being birthed is quite spectacular. I am so happy with it, and that, my dear souls, is only because I have a record label that concentrates on me, not a record label that sees me as a number, but one that sees me as an artist and as a commodity, one which can be moulded, refined and presented to the world with all partie...

I will not leave my home for you. I will not turn my back on the man who was there when you weren't. I will not cause pain to the man who comforted, protected, and made me feel safe when the world was unkind. He became my rock, my sword and my shield when I was bruised, battered and unsure that I will ever smile again. Why would I leave my home for you? Instead, I invite you to my home with open arms, warmth and kindness. I never want to leave this place, or lose the feelings it gives me. I don't have to leave my home to have communion with you. Come into my home, where I feel safe, loved and strong, and let us be friends again. Maybe then, I could leave my home and visit yours some day because it too might feel like home for me too.

Heartbreak My heart, not the organ that resides in my body, but the essence of who I am, my soul... It belongs to me always. It may be given but only temporary, and if it is given, it has to be given and nurtured by the person who it is given to continuously, in order to feel as if it is whole. Evetually it always comes back to me, and to the one who created it. In fact, my heart is so complex that, it doesn't belong to me at all. It is a tool with which I can learn, grow and evolve through connecting with others. Not to connect for my pleasure or for my benefit, but for the purpose of those above who know why they gave it me to be its guardian. My heart is big. It can love infinite things and love things that are infinitely out of my reach, for my heart is not bound by the laws of physics or morality or even need. It just does what it does because it knows more than I do, and it merely uses me to get its way. Some seek love, others seek money; some seek fame and recogni...

Hey, So, it is Mercury Retrograde. It is a time to think, more than it is a time of acting. When "acting", it should be in preparation, like pre.production, not the time of debuts. More than all of this, it is a time of great confusion. You don't make decisions during Mercury Retrograde because when Mercury goes direct, you WILL reconsider, regret or just change your mind. This is why Mercury Retrograde is a headache, amongst other things. Although confusion is seen as something negative, I find that being confused is useful. It lets me consider or reconsider aspects of my inner life and things of the outer world. In a state of confusion, I am torn by two or more forces, making me lack direction or lack desire for certain things as I move back and forth, left and right, trying to find balance. Now, here I am, probably confused, but having had an epiphany within my confusion. The discovery is that, I have a Savior Complex, which is something I have always known, but...

Hey there, It is a New Year, but to me, it is just another year. It is just like any other year. Nothing has changed. My heart still seeks the same things. My mind still thirsts for knowledge. My body still needs to be a good temple. So, 2014 is not the beginning of anything. It is just a continuation of the mundane. The only true beginning was when I was born. The rest has just been a journey of trying to find peace, love and power in a world filled with unrest, fear and weakness. Fortunately, I do improve on my quests. I do learn how to navigate Earth better than previously. I do learn from the past, on an endeavour to enjoy, preserve and appreciate the present moment. All there is is NOW, so years, days and weeks do not matter to me. Calendars have changed in the past, and years changed in duration according to who the ruler of the world was. So, I don't care for "New Year". It doesn't give me a fresh start. I get a fresh start in every moment I live, by chang...

I like how happy Honey Boo Boo's family is. Ugh! Just as I was getting the motivation and inspiration to tackle my German learning mission, the discs that come with the book are taking so long to get imported into iTunes that I regret ever doing it. It has been 44 minutes of waiting for this audio to get into my computer and ready to use. Then there is syncing the whole thing because... Ugh! Fuck it! So, this somewhat promising early morning has turned from possible productivity to watching " Here Comes Honey Boo Boo " on the net. I mean, how far can one fall? From prospects of learning, to swimming in the cesspool of reality television. Just great! Not to mention being hormonal and craving food EVERY. SINGLE. HOUR! I just want to cry. I'll study tomorrow, or later today I guess... The motivation to learn has not only left, but even if it had not, I am now too tired to think, since it is almost 3am. During all of this, I keep on thinking how Google and ...