Fame Vs Infamy
|My Solar Return Chart 2012 to 2013|
(The chart is for those with sense to read times and watch the stars. To the rest of you, happy ignorance)
All my life, I have been struggling with fame and infamy, trying not to be the latter and hoping to be the former. Yesterday, was the tipping point where I realized that I have been fighting a losing battle. I am not meant for fame, and if I hope for any recognition, infamy is the only way to get it. I might have distorted views about myself, but I am under the impression that I am not very liked for who I am. The thing is, who I am is not something I try to be. I am just who I am, and I do what feels right, when it feels right. I also have no desire or energy to be treating people better or worse than what I wish. I will treat people how I wish is appropriate. I bow out of your silly games and delusional self-grandeur.
n. pl. in·fa·mies
1. Evil fame or reputation.
2. The condition of being infamous.
3. An evil or criminal act that is publicly known.
If you don't appreciate me appreciating you, then you will appreciate me NOT appreciating you. Read that again because you are slow.
I welcome opposition now. We are no longer on the same side. I am an adversary, or THE ADVERSARY, depending on how I affect you.
I have tried to be what people claim to desire, true to them. It doesn't work. I have tried to be myself, and that hasn't worked either, but at least, being myself doesn't hurt, so I will just be me, but now I am not holding back. If I get the record label that is willing to work with me to let my music be heard. Good. Do I expect it? Not anymore. I feel that I rub people the wrong way by just being alive, and those that actually like me as I am are far and few between. If most people dislike you, if people won't give you a chance or work with you because you are just being you, and if you can't be anything else but you, then what are you supposed to do but be you? My hands are tied. No, my hands are free!
People I thought were my friends are embarrassed by me, or admitting to having being embarrassed by me because of my innocent behavior, and I have been harboring this hurt for a while. None of these people came up to me and took me aside and sat me down with love and told me that I should tone down my behavior. Instead, they turned their backs on me, talked about me behind my back, and chose to have fun at my expense.
It is people's prerogative to leave, turn their backs on me, forsake me, and throw dirt on my name. People can do what they like to do, and they can do it until I am kissing dirt. Then when they have found the satisfaction of throwing dirt on my name, bad mouthing me, closing doors where doors could have been opened... Once they have had their field day bringing me down, and using me as their footstool, I will fall. Fuck, I have fallen. I can't say I trust anyone anymore, and I am glad it happened when I had no reason for people to kiss my ass by pretending to be my friends. I am glad that those that are in my camp are there because they sincerely love me, why? Because I have nothing they want from me, and that suits me just fine. Know that, what you shall despise in me, we created together, so don't go bitching and moaning about what I am about to be. You created me. You wanted this, now, live with it.
Because people don't quite understand this thing that I have been trying to let rest, this thing that I have been trying not to set loose. They don't understand that within me is something that should be their ally than their enemy. This thing, it is everlasting, older than their concept of time, and it has been waiting to come out and let loose. I have never lost. I just die and get reborn into another vessel. So...
I WILL NOT LOSE!
That's what people don't understand. I have nothing but time, and this time is because life was written off a long time ago and all I have been doing is waiting to die. While time is on my side, I also know my purpose pretty well. I know what I was born for, and no... it is not music, it is not acting, it is not writing, it is not my reputation or any of the things that you people think are pulling strings with. My purpose can not be taken away because I was designed for it. What you can take away from me temporarily are the tools to fulfill my purpose. Temporarily! My purpose will live after we are all dead.
I will outlast, outsmart, and outwit you not because I am more skilled. No!! I will be victorious because I am going to live my purpose fully. When the self is actualized fully, it regenerates, you see.
What is my purpose?
Well, firstly, it is for the greater good of all, believe it or not. My purpose requires me to not give a fuck about YOU! Or what you think. You either like me or you don't. And if you don't, go tell somebody who cares because it makes no difference to my true purpose. If you like me... Guess what? I do not give a fuck either. It is all your choices, to like or dislike, speak well or speak badly about me, shun me or accept me, support or destroy me. It is all on you, for you! I am not involved. I am not part of how you feel, and that is why I don't owe anyone anything.
Call me arrogant. Call me angry. Call me disrespectful, call me what you like, you don't matter to me unless you are paying my bills and putting a smile on my face, making a difference in my life. And even then, you chose to, I didn't put a gun to your head to put that smile on my face.
I am not going to fuck you if I don't want to. If that is a reason to hate me, be my guest! I am not going to say what you want to hear. If that's the reason to hate me, go on with your bad self and hate on. I am not going to do anything unless I desire to do it, regardless of the consequence. I know, I have just messed up my career by doing so, but as I said, I don't care. What I am doing is setting myself free, at whatever cost. Maybe then I can ascend and leave you fucks behind me.
Unless you are going to be a good influence in my life, fuck off. Don't expect me to coddle your ego because it is not happening. Don't expect me to give you anything of myself unless I have decided that I feel like it, and you can go and do what you feel you gotta do about that.
But, count my words, I am also going to do what I gotta do about what you do to me. Gloves are off. You don't deserve consideration. If I am smiling, it is because I am in the mood for it. If I am not, it is because I am not in the mood. Now, go on, go on and throw dirt on my name because you don't feel so great about yourself. Go on and say whatever you like about me, and rest assured, I will say what I like about you and I make a covenant now that any word good or bad said, thought or written about me empowers me, and I make this covenant by my blood, my Gods, and my ancestors. Now, see if you can beat that. Go on, and bring out your guns, full ammo - I have been holding back, literally turning the other spiritual cheek, but now...oh now, it is on. I think all along, I have been preparing for this moment. Yes... I am not on your lane. I don't want to be on your lane, that is why I am not on it. We are of one species physically and all, but I am not in the same level as most of you.
With that said, be careful. Come to me with respect, and if I feel like giving you my time, I will - other than that, I am releasing the Magi. Full on war, spiritual war, full on war that is not going to end. We shall reunite in higher realms but right here, there are slaves and masters, pawns and ME.
You can be sure of the following though - while you sit there, unhappy, pretending to be something you're not, lying and talking about me and other people, I will be happy. Don't get it twisted and think this is coming from an unhappy place. No! I am setting myself free from the shackles of your world. I have actually been trying to impress people who have no capacity to behold what's impressive about me. SMH! So, yes, with that said, you may not know it, but you will be bowing down to me directly, or indirectly, and I will watch you with an amused expression on my face, thinking that you had a chance of a higher state of mind, but you refused it by creating me.
You are no longer my problem, people. If this blog is in bad taste, ask yourself this question: Do I care? Do I care what YOU think anymore? No, I have just released myself from all of you. If I am going to be grovelling to live, I would rather work for Satan than his human slaves, that's how much I despise your feeble minds. Yes, Go read the Satanic bible, and you will know what tip I am on. I don't suffer fools anymore. It's has been decreed on this 26th day (8 - my number). I am team service to self, and see you on the flip side when you wish you didn't play a part as a catalyst to my change because I could have fought for you, not against you.
Now, I am magnanimous for my amusement and entertainment, not for your benefit.
This is a message to my former world - I won't miss you!
LOVE, PEACE and POWER! <----- these words finally make sense.
P.S. Miss me on the Illuminati BS, okay. If you're stupid enough to even think that's what I am trying to say here, you need to read some more, maybe pray more. There ain't such shit! But, sheeple will believe everything they read on the internet, so... Believe what you want.