I Might Have To Eat Meat Again...

Dearest Reader,

*I'm too nauseous to put pics. Sorry. You'll just have to deal*

I am vegetarian, not because it is trendy, not for some weight loss thang, but because I simply dislike meat. It smells awful most times. I can handle eating beef (I guess and horse these days) but mutton, lamb, chicken, fish and game are just TOO strong for my palette.

Do you remember when I wrote a blog post called "I Ain't Trippin'. I'm just Hormonal" where I write about my PMS and PMDD? Well, all those hormonal problems are a symptoms of another problem called PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) which you can read more about. I have known that I have PCOS since 7 years ago. It wasn't a huge deal for me. It merely meant the following, as far as I am concerned:

1. I will have hormonal problems (I have them now)
2. I might develop diabetes (especially since there is history in the family)
3. I might not be able to have children (This was the least of my worries. I could have adopted.)

When I got diagnosed with PCOS, I had just strangely gained 10kgs, and I developed adult acne, and I had just become more stressed. I did the scans and tests all round. Sure, I had hyperperpituarism   which is the real reason why I haven't aged much since I got diagnosed because this actually produces growth hormones which fix the body. Basically, Hollywood stars are injecting growth hormones to stay fit like Stallone, and I was producing mine naturally. I felt like crap because it made me have pregnancy symptoms, even lactating. But, I took pills and it subsided. My doctor also found something else, which wasn't as urgent as my pituitary gland going crazy,  saying that it was not the worst that she had seen; speaking about the cysts in my ovaries, and said that there was medication for it if I wanted to treat it immediately, but since I had bigger problems, I could take the contraceptive pills instead. 

I took the BC (Birth control) pill instead, thinking it was more common to take, but I soon quit taking it when it didn't feel right to take it my breasts went from B cups to Ds, my hips became wider, and basically I had a freak out as I changed before my eyes. My hair texture changed, and my hair became coarser and the curls became tighter. I didn't know what the cause was, so I quit taking all medicine then and decided to be clean, save for a certain anxiety medication. 

The hormonal symptoms got worse all of 2012, and now, my ovaries actually started hurting all the time, and my menstruation became a nightmare of heavy flow, or no flow, or spotting... My acne also got worse, and with each step going forward in time, the hormonal symptoms got worse. I also became lactose intolerant and allergic to gluten in late 2011 early 2012. In fact, my body went crazy, especially from last year August. So, I said to myself, "If the symptoms get worse, I will fix them in the new year [2013]" and by George, it is 2013, and it was getting worse and not plateauing or NOT getting better. 

So, I went back to Babylon, to the land of the pharmaceuticals, and told the doctor that I am ready to make a change, and to give me the pills. I did more than that. I also decided to get my glasses and contacts because I was squinting too much too. I decided to basically go back to Babylon and fix everything that "Going natural" couldn't fix. 

Now, the medication I am taking, for my ovaries to chill the fuck out, won't let me eat the following foods:

1. Carbohydrates
2. Sugar
3. Fats

If I eat these things, I get physically sick, nauseous and my stomach gets upset that you would have sworn that I drank a liter of milk. Being vegetarian, and being unable to eat carbohydrates, sugar and fats, I am not sure what I can eat. In fact, meat is the only food I quit because I didn't like it, not because it made me sick. Whereas, milk, carbs and sugars are rendering me bedridden.

I am in my second week of taking these pills, and I feel like shit. I can hardly walk. I am always lying down trying not to vommit, or pretending to be okay at a casting before I get back home and pass out from sheer exhaustion. I am in pain as we speak. My right ovary is cramping. I was about to vommit but I decided to pray and meditate and visualize the stomach imbalance go away, which helped. I am also so hungry. I crave eggs, but they disgust me like meat, but now, for two days straight I have dreamed of making scrambled eggs, so I think that it is a sign that eggs could be the mystery food that isn't meat that I can eat without getting sick until I get used to the pills. Otherwise, I am gonna start eating meat because other sources of protein aren't enough. Even vegetables make my tummy upset. It's ridiculous. So, I am going to order eggs online because I can't move.

Also, I could have postponed the return to Babylon, but, TJ and I were talking about life, and having children, not that we are planning on having kids or anything, but he did communicate having thought about having kids with me, and since I tell him everything, I told him about my ovary's history, and when I thought about it, I could have trouble conceiving children, and if I do have children, I could live a shorter live because of having diabetes, so I looked at the stage at which I am in, and I realized that to postpone fixing my body is just going to cause heartache later. 

Even though I am not trying to have children, let me have the vessel that can carry a child because I am ovulating properly, and because I have someone else to think about now since TJ and I connected. It's not all about me. Another person cares for me now, above my family, and this person might wanna impregnate me one day. LOL! So, it just all came together that I must make sure that my body is in tip-top condition and that I don't have problems later on with disease and infertility.

Anyway, that's it for now. 

Nausea has subsided, and I think I will just watch a movie and sleep. I have to take the second dose of these pills though and I am scared shitless (literally). So, I think I will just not take it tonight and try tomorrow morning. 

Peace

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