My Thoughts Before I Sleep.

Dearest Reader,

I am listening to the song "Wonderful Life" by Hurts, as I write this blog update. I am not hurting, nor do I think it is a wonderful life. I just like the song.

In case you're wondering why I don't think it's a wonderful life, it is merely because I think it can be better. Life is average. It is not as wonderful as I know it can be. I have felt more wonderful things while sleeping and dreaming of world's that shouldn't exist, compared to this world, Earth, which apparently is the real world. So, no... Life is not that great. It is just adequate. I am not complaining though. Regardless of how average life is, I am always smiling and laughing, making the best of a dire situation. I am doing what I can to either make my life wonderful or to exit life and go to a wonderful place. I am not saying I am trying to kill myself. No, I am just saying that I am doing whatever I deem necessary as far as balancing my karma so that if I do exit Earth, returning here doesn't befall me.

Actually, I often wonder what kind of slick shit people are smoking when they say that they want to live forever. To me, living forever, on Earth as it is, is probably my worst nightmare. I would rather die from excruciating pain than to live forever on Earth as it is now. I firmly believe that humans are deranged, and I am caught in an elaborate episode of Punk'd, waiting for the Universal Ashton Kutcher to reveal himself and get me the fuck out of here. I've been waiting for over 2 decades. No one has come to save me. So, now, I just live recklessly, do whatever I want to do, under self-made restrictions of course. Yes, my life is all about trying to think outside my previous experience in order to do things that excite me from my core. That requires a very active imagination and a fearless spirit, which is something I have in abundance.

Now, as the song "7 Seconds" by Youssou n Dour featuring Neneh Cherry is playing, I get yet another reminder at how ridiculous Earth is. These crazed people are shooting innocent people all willy-nilly, and I am supposed to say life is wonderful? No, if you don't see how damaged this place is, and if despite that, you think life is wonderful, you are an unfeeling, disconnected drone. My personal life can be great merely due to the perspective I have chosen to view things, but that's far as I can go. There is nothing wonderful about life while people are living in fear of being who they are.

I literally get sick to the stomach to know that there are people hiding their true natures, true loves, and true religions just because they fear ridicule from their fellow human beings. It infuriates me that we have created a culture that makes 99% of humans ashamed or afraid to be who they are. I have learned to be one of the 1% of the guilt free, fearless and obligation free ones, but it took huge sacrifices and infernos of baptisms of fire to be happy with who I am no matter how weird, ridiculed or no matter how uncomfortable I make people. I lost friends who I loved dearly because I chose to be happy. I am luckier than most because of this because now I am happy. I really do not fear consequences from being true to myself. As a matter of fact, any result from me being true to myself, no matter how sad it is, makes me stronger and more desirous of being more of who I am. I am truly unashamed of who I am, or who I turned out to be. Therefore, this world, that isn't so wonderful has a good purpose for being like this. It is to let us experience who we are, or to help us choose who we desire to be. Of course, we can't do any of those things by being in denial and screaming, "Life is Wonderful" when it isn't. We need to accept the cesspool it is before we can start turning this trash into treasure.

Retrospect is a wonderful tool. It helps us see clearly the process that life possesses. Hence, they say that retrospect has 20/20 vision. Previous to my current life, I had a shitty time being alive because I was being made pure, detoxing and being cleansed of all the wrongs that deteriorated my mind, which in turn created a tough existence. Now, I am putting all that I learned during my cleansing in practice, and I am literally flexing my muscles at the universe, trying to see how far I can go, living the way I want and doing what I desire. I feel like Neo who has just realized that he is The One. I am not lying. The things that I can do with my mind now, things that I couldn't do years ago, will have people accusing me of being demonic. I swear. Life, although not wonderful, is much easier now. Ego drives are low, fear is low, manifestation is fast, pain is fleeting, anger is fleeting, grief is fleeting... Life is much, much easier that I often look around and ask, "What the heck is going on. Is that all I needed to do to get what I desired? Why couldn't I do it before?" The answer is, I didn't know how to deal with things before. I didn't know how to create and manifest, I didn't know how to let go of emotions, I didn't know how to attract joy from within and I didn't know how to live without fear. Of course, I get annoyed and disappointed, but it lasts an hour at most now.

I am not an initiate of some occult movement. I do things alone because I don't trust these mofos who have institutions of "spirituality", as far as groups of a certain movement are concerned. I am a lone adept of the occult though, and I was drawn to is by Christianity, Astrology and trauma into it. Now, I merely think of something in a certain way, and I manifest it. I have been manifesting little things, in total shock as they appear, and like a small child, I am increasing the volumes of the energy I play with, to see how far I can go. This is where I am in my life right now. It is as if I have just removed a partition in my mind which was blocking my abilities before.. It is as if, I had at my disposal, power that was out of reach, that is now fully in my palm to play with. Yes, that is it. I am playing. I am discovering this new me that can have so much control of oneself and circumstances around me. I have not experience so much freedom ever. It is exciting, and I am trying to use it responsibility, because with power comes responsibility, right?

Even when I am sleeping, I am not fully asleep, but I my body is in full rest, so much so that, when I feel weird energy as I sleep, I can immediately build a shield around me, fortify it, look around my body to see if I am safe, and return back to wherever my dream had taken me, knowing that my body is safe from whatever harm I had perceived. I watch myself sleep as I travel to these places I dream of. And even there, I am watching myself too, even though sometimes I am participating in the dream lucidly.

I remember, it was 2006, and I created the mantra, "I am Veronnica Wolpendz. I am a singer, song-writer, actress, author, and philanthropist. I am love, peace and Power", and didn't know when I would start making all this things come true. All I knew then was that I need to say this affirmation and believe it. I said this mantra everyday, about 10 times a day, for the following 3 years. Then, something told me stop saying it so that the mantra can start manifesting because apparently it couldn't manifest if I held on to it. So, I forgot it for a few years. Now, I am not famous at the moment, but I am a singer and a song-writer, I am an actress and an author. I just have being a philanthropist left to do, which is happening sooner than some think. And, I wonder to myself... "What changed?" When did I change from being a slave of my circumstance to being in control of the results I get in my life?

This has also made me quite careful of what I wish for because I am not into manifesting rubbish, which happens sometimes. Do you realize how great it is to peak late in life? Do you realize how excellent it is to be  late bloomer? I always think of Jay Z and Clint Eastwood, when I think of late bloomers who never gave up on their desires until they were manifested into reality. I am not going to die with my best days as a distant memory. I am going to die excited. I am going to die satisfied. I know this because the way I live is how I shall die, and I have chosen to live in an excited, satisfied and joyful way. I suppose, I am quite amazed at what I am capable of and it's only the tip of the iceberg, and what I am capable of is probably more than what you can imagine. Yes, even your imagination can not go as far as where my capabilities can go. I am thrilled. I am thankful. I am in awe of finally seeing this other side of life which had eluded me previously due to being born as a human.

All, I can say is this: Accept your current situation as it is. Do not be in denial. Denial slows the process and trust me, you want to evolve quickly. Secondly, define your desires, and accept them without shame. Love your desires. Let your desires be your guiding light because they will lead you to where you need to be. Lastly, wait for that partition to open in your mind. Meditate. Meditate. Meditate. Visualize. Visualize. Visualize!

Actually, I will have to analyze this and see how the fuck I am am able to manifest my desires and eradicate the things I detest so quickly and easily all of a sudden. Maybe I should include that in my book instead of the blog. Yes, I am almost done with my book.

Just some advise. When you desire something, speak to the entity that controls what you desire, not the object itself. Most things are controlled on Earth, whether it be humans, money, energy, experiences. Go straight to the Source. Don't waste your time trying to convince humans of your worth. Let the Source show them your worth. So, deal with the Source, the energy that begets all. Not its creations. Like the last song on here by Gorillaz called "Dare", dare to do what you want, despite the ridicule you shall experience. Even now, I can feel the people who used to ridicule me change their tune. I can feel it, even though I don't know who they are because the ridicule happened in secret gossip covens. I can feel something powerful occurring and it may be happening to everyone else too, but I speak for myself. The End is Nigh, the end of fear.

This blog had no point. I just decided to type and see what came from my mind at the time. I apologize if I sound arrogant. I am merely speaking my truth and I am reporting things as they are, not as I wish they could be. If this sounds arrogant... I dunno. It was not the intention. The intention was to share with you that, it is not a lie. You can control this realm in such a way that it not only makes your life easier, but in such a way that if you are a seeker of power as I am, power to make changes and transform your reality, YOU CAN DO IT TOO.

Now, I am not sure how this story of my life is going to end, but I know that it will end with me being exactly where I was born to be. Where is that? On a thrown, on bended knees at the feet of my Masters and Helpers who have guided me while I was blind, thanking them for an exhilarating journey in this cesspool. I didn't do this alone. I am not doing this alone. I am not arrogant to even think that. I did it with the help of energies whose nature and names I do not yet understand. All I know that it is Created Creators like me, with higher vibrations, who made a sacrifice to hang around me, through my invitation, in this cesspool, to help some of us find themselves again, because we are born lost, for the most part.

That is all for now

I haven't ranted in such a long time, I had forgotten how awesome it is. And, please, let's lay off with accusing me of demonic dealings or Satanism just because I speak this way. It is these very labels that you give me and others who are different (who have found the way) that keeps you stuck in your misery. It is this very reason why you humans crucified Yehoshua who came to just help. Fortunately, his energy remains, even if it was not meant for all of us, but his tribe, I use Him to teach me.

I am a seeker of truth. You can call me that if you have to call me anything. I seek and I find. I ask and I receive. And, yes, Yehoshua (Jesus) is a major teacher whose consciousness played a huge part in my development. The other is Inanna. At first I was afraid of Inanna. I understand her now, just as I am sure, those who know not what Christ Conscious is would fear it at first before they understand it. Zeta Consciousness has also taught me a lot, but the Zeta taught me practical, cold knowledge which I apply with the help of the other helpers. Then, there are my direct descendants who live within me in my DNA, as part of my cell memory who I invoke and ask for help regularly. We have so much to assist us. Yes, it is an exciting place to swim in the ocean of the subconscious, and be licked by the enlightening tongue of the Serpent, where demons and angels live. Once you start exploring that place, you actually realize that, .that angels and demons are just those stupid labels that keep you imprisoned by fear to go forward.

Thank You for reading my rant,
It is a challenging one and meant for ears that are willing to listen because I was not dumbing down anything, even though I was using simple language.

Thank You,
Veronnica Wolpendz
Love, Peace and Inner World Power!


Anonymous said…
Feel me?

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