Pages

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Feeling Strange.

What am I feeling?

I am having strange emotions.

As usual, whenever I do not sleep before 3 am, my emotions become intensified, and I either get greatly inspired to make wonderful art, or like now, I get bombarded by a cacophony of echoes from an abyss filled with humanoid shadows that whirl around each other in my head, like an agitated body of water.

Some of these shadows look familiar. They belong to people I once knew, some belong to people I know now, and others belong to me, as different parts of myself. My Self is seeping into other people, and their forms are seeping into mine. As interesting as that may sound, the reality is that this vantage point, which allows me to see me entangled intimately with multitudes of souls, is quite disorienting. One could say that it is torturous.

I feel no sense of time, or right and wrong as I type this. What is right has lost its meaning and all I feel is what I desire. I feel disconnected to the duality of life at this moment, but because I think I live in a dual world, I feel obligated to act in a dual nature, but not from what I am feeling right now, but merely from distant memories of the duality I once lived.

Upon closer inspection, I feel as if my world and reality has changed, but I refuse to see it, or fear to see it. I feel like my fears are misplaced. My fear of hurt and disappointment, of rejection and pain feel inauthentic, therefore, I am not in line with my reality. For this reason, I am experiencing a spiritual whiplash, and I guess that, what I am feeling is just me, trying to get myself realigned again.

I don't know. I really don't know.

Actually, I am not sure what the hell I have just typed, but I will post it, because I don't care whether it makes me seem crazy, pretentious, or foolish. I was merely trying to write to express my state of mind, rather than sit with a tumultuous mind, not deal with it, only to have it exacerbated to worser levels.

Now, I shall attempt to sleep. I have a pavlova to make in a few hours, and I have my future brothers-in-law with whom to hang, and probably play Mario Kart. What I do find interesting is that, as I was typing these words, it fells like someone else was typing them.

Fare Thee Well, My Friends.

No comments: