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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Switzerland.

Brrrrr...
Dearest Reader,

I am freezing my ass off as I write this, partly because I am not wearing socks and I am not wearing a warm top, other than a tiny blanket covering me. I am not used to wearing too many items of clothing at once, being an African, so Europe is not treating me as well as it should. Trust me, Europe is only pretty in pictures or in small doses. Living here is something else.


Yes, I have moved to Switzerland, and I am engaged. Yes, a lot has changed. I remember typing my blog, thinking bleakly about just about everything, from being sleep deprived, sex deprived, and such. Those days I was searching for life to be how I wish it to be, taking actions to make things happen so that I may be happy. Now, I am relatively happy but I lack sunshine and ocean. Oh well, we win some, we lose some.

Walking to the psychologist.
My artistic and music career is non-existent here in Switzerland. I don't know where these people who I see carrying guitar cases play because I have not come across any live music scene here. I have not even come across any theater or acting scene either. I have no agent here, so as you know, no agent, no work. So, I am a glorified stay-at-home person, who goes to gym three times a week, goes to German classes four times a week,  sees a psychologist once a week and goes to the grocery store twice a week.

I walk everywhere, which is fun. In South Africa, one has to drive everywhere because everything is so spread out, but here, I walk to all my commitments, except when we visit my future in-laws, in which case we take a bus or we drive there because it is close but not close enough for walking. Well, not close enough for me to walk there.

They have Spar here but it's not the same.
In all honesty, life is boring here compared to the fast paced life of Johannesburg, even though I was never in the Johannesburg fast lane. Another aspect that takes some getting used to is having no friends that I can just go and visit. Thank god for modern technology because we message each other, but it is not the same as sitting with a friend and exchanging energy in close proximity. It is just not the same.

The idea of having my family thousands of miles away is also a bit unnerving. Although I had not lived at home for years, while I was in South Africa they were an hour away. Now... well, they almost feel dead to me, except I still get messages from them from the grave, which is depressing. It's like my family is gone. I don't know how to explain this, but yeah, I feel a bit disconnected from them, which is something I had never felt before.

The window to my favorite coffee shop.
The highlight though, of being here, is the pleasure, honor and joy of being with my fiance, everyday, because his presence is so comforting and calming. Not only is he funny and intelligent, he is sexy as well. He is my best friend, to be honest, and I am just so much better as a person because he is in my life. Life is therefore good in that regard.

I guess, these changes take some getting used to, also, this is a change that generations before us went through, therefore part of the human condition, to leave the nest to create one's own. This is a good thing. Change is always good, but it is never easy. Change might be exciting, necessary and enriching but it is never easy. As one who thrives in such circumstances, I am confident that I will settle in nicely here and let Switzerland be my home soon, but for now, I feel like a stranger in a new place, which is exactly what I am. So, this is all natural.

Oh, there is so much more going on for me right now, but I will save it for another day. What is important today is that I am grateful for how life has turned out even though I have sacrificed a lot. I have weighed my options regarding what I want and what I need, and I think that regarding the latter, I have done exceptionally well. I need love, peace and power. I need to live a life that makes me grateful to be alive, not scared to die (or hoping to die). Slowly, but surely, I see my life being drained of fear, and love replacing it, and it is wonderful.

The town's church. I doubt people go, though.
As for friends... Look, South Africans are the best friends I can ever have. South Africans and maybe people from the Dominican Republic, or Brazil, you know, people with spice and that confidence that I have not quite seen here. In the Swiss people's defense, I have not met that many people in the last four weeks here so I am probably wrong about them. Maybe the Swiss are hiding that girlfriend that I could have stomach-hurting laughs with. To be honest though, the Swiss seem to be depressed. I am somber lately, but I seem like a friggen carnival with disco lights compared to them. Again, I might be judging them too harshly, but... Tjerrr...

Anyway, let me get something warm to wear, and do my German homework. Ugh. I'm so over German classes. Like, damn... They are such a buzz kill. It would be great if there was some type of energy in the classes but the classes are always dead!

Let me stop complaining. I am very happy and grateful to be here, with someone I love, and I am honored to have the chance to start afresh somewhere else. I just wish that there were more South Africans around!

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