Inana

Dearest Reader, Below is an excerpt from my autobiographical book draft. It might change when I revise it, and it might even be cut when it is being edited. Who knows? There are more things like this, things that people don't know about me that I reveal in my book. It is a tell-all about me. It is my fears, nightmares, triumphs and joys. In this bit that I am sharing, I speak of my fears. I added links for those who want to read more on PMDD. Enjoy! "I guess, I am trippin' but... but... But nothing. I'm just trippin'... It begins with sluggishness, and feeling a bit down.I wake up and I have no spring in my step. As a matter of fact, I feel ugly. I am not sure what's going on, so I pause and do a bit of introspection and ask, "What happened that I should feel this way? Why am I feeling so down and blue? Is this what they call a bad feeling that gives an omen? Oh, my gosh! What if I am feeling the death of a loved one? Or, maybe I am getting a psychi...

Dearest Reader,  I am listening to some beautiful music as I begin to write this, having just ravaged a vegan hotdog, and now I am sitting cross-legged in front of my PC, wondering whether I am psychic or whether I have one of the most powerful minds known to man, to make manifest all that I think of. It’s one or the other. For some reason, even though at the time I am usually just saying something from a faint feeling inside, the things I feel come to pass. This is why I have decided to share them with people so that I am not left alone saying, “I knew that!” but having no one with which to corroborate that I did truly know. We were in my bedroom, just chillin’ but not like villains. Chillin’ like innocent angels. He was lying on my bed, busy with his phone, and I was watching him closely, from his jeans to his hair, analysing him, and constantly reminding myself that this is real. Yes, he was here with me in the same space/time continuum and we were sharing a moment...

Dearest Reader, When you say, "I'm Sorry." you are apologizing, but what are you saying, really? People say it is hard to say, "I'm Sorry..." but these are two words that I have never had trouble saying. I honestly don't see the big deal about saying these words, probably because they are easily manipulated and probably because most times I have heard them they have been meaningless and unnecessary. When you say "I'm sorry," what are you trying to achieve, because many things can be achieved by these little words. Random pic of my screensaver Before I even delve into why we apologize, I have got to highlight the fact that saying "I'm Sorry" can mean two things (more actually). It can mean that you are literally experiencing sorrow for what has occurred, BUT it doesn't necessarily mean that you are opposed to what has occurred. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, here is a quick scenario: You watch a...

Dearest Reader, Whenever I experience disappointment, I might cry, but what I will definitely do is write a song. There is a song that I have not recorded yet, and it is called "Sail Away", and it was written when my ex and I broke up. There was a point when I desired to fix things with him. This was when I was still angry, when I was still frothing at the mouth, anger being a sign saying, " I am hurting. Make things right so that I can feel better." but after a while, the anger subsides, and what is left in its place is just an empty shell, filled with the hollow sounds of the illusion of an ocean, as one would make by putting a conch at the ears. When my anger subsides, and I feel nothing anymore, this is when my heart get closed. This was when he came back, knocking at my door, and me saying, "Sail Away". The imagery of the ocean is because I was born at the coast, and when this drama was happening, I was at the coast, at the safety of my mother...

Dearest Reader, I have never been in an abusive romantic (intimate) relationship. I detest such dynamics and I don't wait until I am chopped up into pieces and put in the deep freezer for me to get the message. The minute I feel abused, I leave. I step away. I go where I feel loved. The truth is, I don't have a lack of love, so it is also quite easy for me to see that I am not in a loving place. I have always considered myself a person with a healthy amount of self-esteem. I have my areas of improvements but I am not too bad. Then, recently, I got to liking this person who wasn't so nice to me. What makes me sick to the stomach is that, I stuck around for it because for some reason, I thought that this person was not seriously a horrible person. I thought that he was just grumpy and probably in need of some real comfort and true friendship. So, I didn't go away. I am ashamed to say that even when he told me to leave him alone, I didn't. I thought that maybe h...

Dearest Reader, Humans love to take lone credit for good things, and lone blame for bad things. These actions are incredibly extremist and imbalanced, therefore untrue in the bigger scheme of things, the bigger scheme being the scheme of the absolute. Save yourself the fear of losing recognition and save yourself the fear of love. You can not lose something that you never owned, and you can not lose what you are made of. We are co-creators, even if YOU didn’t directly lift a finger in how events unfolded.  Basically, there is no one to blame, and credit belongs to everyone. So, just be accountable of your contribution, whether it was doing something or doing nothing at all. Acts and no-acts are all acts. We are designed to create, even when we refuse to. It is a Universal Law that we create always, just as we can not deny cause and effect. Therefore, let your heart be glad that nothing that ever existed occurred without you. We are together in this. We are brothers an...

Dearest Reader, The Venue, which was not prepared If I were to write about the week I have had, I would raise my pulse, and all I am trying to do is relax and unwind right now. To give you an idea, for the last 7 days, I was away from home, in the province called the Free State, of South Africa, facilitating workshops on behalf of the NYDA (National Youth Development Fund) as a member of SAYC (South Africa Youth Council) in partnership with SRSA (Sports and Recreation South Africa) with their constituents the Free State Province local government. The delegates of the camp were 18 year old to 25 year old, male and female, of all cultural group, even though I didn't see any Indians. When I inquired about this discrepancy, I was told that there were not many, if any Indians in the Free State.  This shocked me since I come from a very diverse place. I had to take their word for it. Okay, it would seem as if I am writing about my week at the Free State, but I will not go into t...