Inana

"I AM. whatever you say, I AM. And if I wasn't, then I wouldn't say I AM." Dearest Reader, The world didn't end. Or did it? What is an end? Is it not the beginning of something new? If that is true, then, my life has been ending with every moment of consciousness, especially in the year 2012. For a very tumultuous year, I must say that I came out on top. I am in disbelief at how much joy I have in my life. I am brimming with energy, happiness, love and laughter. So, did the world end? Mine did. My dark, anguished, taciturn and broody life ended. My world did end. I died. I then got a glorious Resurrection into this moment. I died and I feel alive. That, my dears, is what death is. It is change. I feel quite strange. Not in a bad way, but in a new way. I feel dislocated from what the world used to be, as if I am watching life and people in it, from a new, more distant perspective. I find myself saying things like, "They are still stuck in that pattern...

Dearest Reader, I woke up about seven hours ago. I woke up feeling like crap. I had a very intense and severe headache. I had a migraine. Sure, if you have ever had a migraine, you know how this story is going to go. But, let me break it down for you, anyway. All I can say now is that, I am glad to be alive because I felt that I was surely dying. What helped was vomiting. Can you believe it? I am sitting here thinking, "Why the hell didn't I vomit earlier?" Yeah, I vomited about twenty minutes ago, and for the first time today, I felt that there was a God. Before that, I was in hell. I have acute rhinitis, which is a sinus thing. So, because I am an optimistic control freak, I decided to not have painkillers around because "I don't need medicine. The One Infinite Creator will save me from pain." Well, he didn't! Or at least not today. I have cried all day due to the pain. I have called people left, right and center to either take me to hospital or...

Dearest Reader, Picture this: He runs whenever he can, and he also cycles long distances. In other words, he has a nice body. He is a nerd, but that is because he is very computer savvy. As a matter of fact, he is writing a thesis on computer codes, and zeros and ones... I have no idea what he really does. He loves music and is very much intrenched in the local music scene, hanging out and working with bands. He loves hip hop and has seen Method Man, Jay Z and other rappers live. He is into A Tribe Called Quest, and he has a very good sense of style. I would name the high end fashion brands he supports, but I don't remember them even after Googling them, because it was the first time hearing of them from him. But still... He doesn't wear anything branded visibly because he is classy. He is the type to wear rusty-red pants and a black shirt and a blazer. Yes, he has a very developed sense of style, and he is not trying to impress anyone. Did I mention how intelligent he i...

Don't be afraid of Love. It will never lead you astray! Dearest Reader, In a world where we have been programmed and indoctrinated to believe that skepticism, fear, guilt, obligation and doubt are useful thought patterns and emotions, it goes without saying why we find difficulty in being happy, peaceful and powerful beings who are in control of their destinies, because all these emotions that we have been taught to feel go against everything that is good about life. We have been taught that if things are good, they are too good to be true. We have been taught that if we are not afraid, we are heading in the wrong direction. We have been taught that hard work is better than smart work. We have been taught that if things are not painful or challenging, they are not real or long lasting. Personally, I think that there is some truth in what we have been taught but there is a big lie too in what we have been taught. You see, they don't tell us that the reason why good, l...

Dearest Reader, It is not that I am in a state of emotional turmoil that I write this blog. I am actually quite good in mind, body and spirit. I can't say the same for many others though during this time. You see, the beginning of the harvest is literally a few days from now. What is the harvest, you ask? Well, the harvest is when each individual human harvests themselves from all limitless possibilities, and actually chooses to reap the aspect of their being that is most who they are. It is a time when I AM becomes alive, and as humans, we become who we choose to be from the many array of possibilities. It is a time when we choose to be happy and be happy, or when we choose to be depressed and be depressed. This transition occurs in varying ways, many of which are quite tumultuous, especially if you're holding on to a aspect of yourself that you no longer wish to manifest in your current reality. For example, if you still hold on to being an honest person but your deep de...

Dearest Reader, After the great progress that I have been making in aligning my actions with my desires, I have realized a few things, and the most important of these realizations is that there are people who have no business being in my life. Therefore, some time back, I did myself the favor of deleting people's numbers who's energy drained mine instead of building it. There are a few people who I need to remove from from life permanently, people who just make me roll my eyes whenever I hear from them, or people who drain and annoy me every time their name pops up on my messages. I hope that in 3 months time, I could have tied all loose strings with these people because with some there is unfinished business. Then, I can get rid of some people forever. They serve no purpose. They just take my energy, abuse my vulnerability and also annoy the fuck out of me, and so, since I am in charge of my life, I have to ask myself why I speak to these people. The problem with the pa...

Dearest Reader, When my feelings are stable, peaceful and joyful, I don't write much. That is my current position. When I am happy, I can't be bothered with writing, singing or even doing work. All I want to do is enjoy the feelings I have, and drown in them. I will not analyze happiness. I only only analyze discontent. That is why I never have much to say when I am glad. Like now... I am just enjoying the ride, enjoying the relief of smiling when I wake up and smiling when I fall asleep. I wrote this for one particular reason. I desired to put it out into the world and the universe in thanks. I am thankful that I am done with the darkness. I am thankful for the fun I am having now. I am grateful for the beauty I am now feeling, and all of this is because I was able to grow from the darkness. I couldn't care less about anything when I am happy. The world could go up in smoke around me and I would be smiling like a goofy idiot. I am thankful to the source of this ...

Venusian balance Dearest Reader, Wow! I have been in the worst rut of my life these past few years, especially these last few months. Fortunately, the stars and gods are on my side, and they hurled me out of the pit of nothingness and landed me right on familiar, exotic and beautiful ground. Yes, I am not dating anymore by choice. I am not interested in the drama of men and their issues, but it doesn't mean that I can't admire, marvel and daydream, does it? I think it's all I can do, to be honest. I don't mind either. I find it quite refreshing and quite free. The object of my affections is someone I have known since I was a kid. This makes me happy because it means that I am instantly relaxed about it. To top it all off, he is very similar to me. We share memories, friends and experiences. It is perfect except for a few challenges which I won't dwell on quite yet. I will leave it right there. In the next blog, I hope to update you on work related thing...

Dearest Reader, So, I watched Mystic River for the first time today and I blew a gasket on twitter, ranting about how abuse and past trauma's are no reason to be an abuser too. *rolls eyes* I hate this part of my personality. I am sick and tired of it. It bores me so much! I am so sick and tired of preaching and being self-righteous just because I didn't become like my abusers as well as not being a victim of my circumstance. I mean, big deal, right? I am sure there are plenty of people who have overcome their tough past. The problem is, when I get that trigger, like experiencing injustice or seeing a movie which shows such things, I just lose it. I don't lose it violently. I don't lose it physically, but my blood starts pumping fast, my head starts feeling as if it is about to spin. Basically, I become angry, and now although calm, I am suffering for the anger by having indigestion. Great! I hate having an upset tummy. It says a lot though. It means that I was ver...

The planet Saturn Dearest Reader, These days I must be such a darling for astrology lovers because I am blogging about it a lot. I apologize to those I have sidelined because of this. I am just like that. I have many interests and they are not necessarily from the same part of town. I would also like to apologize about the lack of pictures. They refuse to load. :( Transiting Saturn is entering my 1st house and today it is exact conjunct my Ascendant , which means that I am a Scorpio Rising gal (with Pluto Rising too, by the way), and many fear Saturn because it ruins people's lives apparently, but I love Saturn. I have not always loved it because when one first learns about astrology, all one hears are horror stories of how Saturn did them wrong, but in my experience, Saturn is not bad. Saturn is a corrector of wrongs, and a guide into what benefits us, and so, yes, Saturn can be quite depressing if you have been going the "wrong" direction. "You're r...

Dearest Reader, I am having trouble sleeping. My throat is sore. I am very tired. If I am tired, I should sleep, right? Well, insomnia doesn't work like that. Insomnia is a mind game, and if the mind has more will over your desire to sleep, you will remain awake, thinking, obsessing, revisiting issues, places and people. You will spend it worrying about life in general. You can go from thinking of a lost opportunity for love, to a lost opportunity for work. The thoughts just whoosh about in the mind, giving me no rest, and making me jittery instead of restful. Today, I had a lovely day overall. In fact, it was a physically demanding day. I had an intense workout session with my personal trainer and did boxing and circuit. I did everything from jabbing, uppercuts to left hooks. Then I did push ups, sit ups, crunches and even planking. It was grueling, but as soon as the hour was over, and after I cooled down, I felt the angst return again. Therefore, I jumped into the pool. I s...

Dearest Reader, After all my crushes, relationships and partnerships come to an end, I always do a postmortem astrology reading about what could have been, or what was responsible for the end, through relationship charts such as  Synastry charts and  Composite charts as seen below. It helps fill the void when I have nothing to hold on to. I actually read charts to fall asleep. It's not that they are boring. I guess it is because they are therapeutic and slightly tedious, with all the detail needed to read one. Below is our Composite Interpretation, Me and Mr. La Douche.. Please Note: Anything about astrology tells us of possibilities, not absolutes. For example, these aspects were never given a chance to manifest because the situation never came for them to come about. Also, some people are more mature than the astrological chart, therefore they bypass the negative energies and handle them with love, tolerance and understanding. Truth be told, relationships with hard...

Dearest Reader, Rage. I am a student of life. I don't go about thinking I know it all because I don't. I have so much to learn, even though I have gained a sizable amount of understanding thus far on my life journey. I learn most by observing myself than I do by observing others, although I do observe others too. From my study of the self, I have learned that I am the most damaged, most beautiful and most godly being that I have ever had the chance to get close to. Due to this knowing of myself, I have come to recognize the same in others, and my life thus far has been about sharing that with others, and being sensitive to that fact in others. All I truly desire in life is to show people what I have seen and that they can see it too. This has not been easy because many do not desire to see what I have seen. They just claim to, but when given the chance to see it, they never take that chance. I am my biggest critic. I am my biggest observer, developer and biggest suppor...