Funnies: An Open Letter to Sizwe Dhlomo
Oh wait! I know where you are. You are on the telly, on the radio and on my twitter timeline. You are at the club on the decks, but where you are most is on my mind. Yes, you are undoubtedly my celebrity crush of 2011 and there is just nothing I love more than to harrass you on twitter, hoping for a response which I never get. As a matter of fact, harrassing you has become a part of my lifestyle that I think I am addicted to it. Curse my addictive personality. Curse it!
Of course, there are things I am still trying to deal with, things I'm trying to wrap around my head about you, but fantasy love conquers all. You see, in my pretty head, you are not Zulu, because although I am Zulu too, the men of the Zulu tribe and I have not had a good history. Unfortunately, a few bad men made me afraid of all Zulu men, so in my head you are Tswana or something. Secondly, in my head, I don't keep hearing about how shallow you are. No! In my mind you are filled with depth, substance, humilty and spirit. Lastly, in my head, you are not gay, and this is not because you are gay in real life. I don't know and I don't care whether you are gay or not. They say that where there is smoke there is fire, but I am in fantasy love with you therefore all these "negatives" don't mean a thing. In my head you are straight and I am your kind of woman. Perfect!
Lately, I have been contemplating blackmailing you to have dinner with me. The problem is that I have no material to use against you, so that plan has been put on hold for now. I have also thought of being those weird girls that go to whatever club you are Dj-ing, but I can't handle clubs and I actually don't chase men, so that's out the window. But I think I have found the best plan and it goes as follows: